“Everything.” Obviously.
“If you think my childhood was awful, you’re wrong. My mom was a very fun, positive person who was extremely superstitious.” He didn’t look surprised to hear that. “Fiona Wray always saw the bright side of everything. She could lift anyone’s spirit. She taught me never to give up, to never let the lone shifter lifestyle beat us, that life itself was a gift and that I was living proof of that for her. So it didn’t matter to me whether we were in a hostel, a B & B, an apartment or living in our wolf form. I was happy as long as I had her.”
Ryan traced her collarbone with his finger. “But then you didn’t have her anymore.”
“You know what’s sad? She was a really special person . . . but I was the only one there to mourn her. Others didn’t realize just how great she was. She didn’t make her mark on the world.”
Ryan stroked a hand over her hair. “Tell me more.”
“Why? I’m sure you found out plenty from Dawn.” She’d just been calling his bluff, but the way he stilled ever so slightly made Makenna smile. “Ha, I guessed right, didn’t I? You went to Dawn.”
“Why would you think that?’
She snorted. “Because you’re a tenacious bastard who has to always be in possession of the facts.” She grazed his chest with her nails. “Tell me about your childhood. I confess, I know a little about your parents from when I was checking out Zac’s family tree.”
“You ruled them out as suitable guardians.”
“I was told they had a strained relationship.”
That was somewhat of an understatement. It wasn’t a topic he ever discussed, but this was Makenna. “My parents imprinted on each other when they were seventeen. A year later, I was born. Gwen was an immature eighteen.” The woman was still immature.
“Imprinted at seventeen and then parents at eighteen? That was fast.”
Ryan nodded. “Too fast for them. Neither was ready. It was harder for Gwen because she was alone a lot. My father, Galen, was training to be an enforcer, so he spent a lot of time out of the house. She did the night shifts, the day shifts, the diapers, the bottles, everything. It had to be an overwhelming responsibility. She resented the effect it had on her social life. And she resented losing some of Galen’s attention and time.”
“So the stress took its toll on their relationship.”
“Yes.” The house had been a place filled with tension, fights, silent arguments, things thrown, and angry sex that never resolved anything. Some of the arguments had been about Ryan: that she had no life because of him, that Galen gave him more attention than her when he was home. “All the fighting made Galen spend more time away from the house, which made Gwen worse. To be fair, she had no life.”
Pissed by that, Makenna snapped, “Yes, actually, she did. She had a son and a mate—things that some never have. She should have appreciated what she had instead of moaning about what she didn’t have. And your dad . . . he should have been there for you. Your parents let you down big time.”
“They’re not bad people. They just don’t make good parents. She told me many times that she wasn’t like that until I was born. From what others have said about her, it’s the truth.”
“Just because she wasn’t ready for a baby didn’t give her the right to make her child feel like he came second. You are not at fault for their fuckups.”
“I know that.”
Maybe, but Makenna would bet he’d blamed himself as a child. She’d bet it was why he was so serious and withdrawn. She suspected it was also why he bottled his emotions and didn’t share much of his thoughts or feelings. Having parents who were all about themselves would have made him feel like his own needs weren’t important, that he had no right to have his own feelings and, as such, giving away his pain was pointless.
Slipping an arm around his back, Makenna burrowed closer against him, wishing she could also hug the solemn little boy he’d once been whose parents had made him feel of little importance. It explained why he had this need inside him to be productive; he was proving to himself and others—maybe only on a subconscious level—that he was more than a burden who ruined someone’s life and his parents’ relationship. He deserved better.
She was comforting him, Ryan realized. He would have found it awkward to accept that kind of tactile contact from anyone else. But not her. Everything was different with Makenna. Ryan didn’t crave physical contact. He couldn’t remember there being a time when he ever had. But he needed to touch her, just as he needed to breathe her in and be around her.