“I want to know how you feel about it,” he says, rushing the words out. “I want to know if having a baby, having my baby, is something you think will make you…happy. Can you…can you see it? In your head?”
He’s never looked more vulnerable. God, I want to rush across the room and throw myself at him, but Zeth handles his feelings in strange ways. He won’t be able to cope with me mothering him. He’ll reject it. He needs me to give him time to get his words out, and he needs me to answer him as plainly and simply as I can. So I do.
“Yes. Yes, I can see it. I can see it all. I want this baby. He’s half of me and half of you. How can I not want that? I was scared to even think about it for a while, I’ll admit it, but I know now. This isn’t planned, and the timing sure as hell isn’t right, but I know we can make it work. If you’re here with me, we can do anything.”
He sits very still, digesting my words. His head is still hanging, like he’s bracing for the worst news of his life. Maybe this is it. I could seriously just have delivered the most terrible news Zeth Mayfair will ever receive. God, I hope I haven’t. I’m praying that’s not the case when he lifts his head and I see the tears in his eyes.
“Thank god,” he whispers.
A wave crashes into me, so strong and powerful that I can feel the relief reaching down and taking hold of me, so intense that my head spins. I let out a choked sob and then clamp my hands over my mouth, trying to hold back the other, louder sobs that are building in my chest. Zeth jumps up out of his chair and rushes to me, taking hold of me and lifting me off the sofa into his arms.
“I can’t believe it,” he says, whispering into my hair. “Don’t cry, angry girl. Everything’s going to be okay. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise. I swear to you. Fuck, I love you so much.”
I cling to him, barely keeping my shit together. Ahh, who am I kidding? I don’t keep my shit together at all. I cry until his t-shirt is soaked with a patch of my tears, and my throat is aching so badly that it hurts to swallow. I was too afraid to even let myself imagine that he might take this news well, so the fact that he’s comforting me, telling me everything’s going to be all right, that he loves me, makes me feel like my heart is overflowing.
“Can you see it?” I ask. “Can you see us having a family? Do you think it will make you happy?”
Zeth lets out a shaky breath. He presses his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. “I’m already happy, Sloane. I don’t deserve you, and I don’t deserve this baby. It’s a fucking miracle. The most precious fucking gift. I don’t…I just don’t want to fuck it up.”
I cup the side of his face in my hand. How did the stars align so that I would meet this man? Both of us have walked such very different paths, our lives guiding us in such different directions, our pain and our suffering carving us into two vastly different creatures, and yet somehow fate brought us together. We found that our differences brought us closer to one another, and our pasts held no power over the future we might share if we wanted it.
And now, a baby. Our baby. Still such a strange, alien thought, and yet I feel like another piece of our puzzle has snapped into place, revealing a little more of the story of our lives together. Who knows how many more pieces there are yet to be revealed. Who knows what the end picture will look like. All I know is that this man holding me in his arms is raw, and dangerous, and volatile, and he is fierce, and protective, and kind at the same time.
“You’re not going to fuck it up,” I tell him. “You’re gonna knock this out of the park, Zeth Mayfair.”
He kisses me like a man drowning, then, crushing his lips against mine as if I’m his oxygen, I’m his life force, and he just can’t get enough. I kiss him back, clinging to him, unable to get close enough. When he cuts the kiss short, I take the opportunity to ask him one more time. “Please don’t go to New York, Zeth. Please. I need you here, with me. Alive.”
He looks conflicted, his eyes flickering with anger. “I’ll stay. I’m not going anywhere now. But, shit, Sloane. This thing’s going to come to a head one way or another. I’m going to be ready. It’s not just you I have to think about now.”
He’s right, naturally. The warehouse burning down isn’t going to be an isolated event. When it comes to money and power, men and women alike transform into people entirely unlike themselves. It’s an addiction, and just like any form of addiction, the addict will do anything and everything they can to feed their vice.
The Italians will be back. The prospect is a frightening one, almost too frightening to think about right now, but if there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that Zeth will be true to his word. He’ll keep us safe. He won’t let anything happen to us.