If I’d been in her position—which I cannot even imagine how I ever would be—I’d have run away to change clothes in the first instant. And even if I put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, I wouldn’t have gone to sleep with my head in my husband’s friend’s lap. Even if I had a fever so high that I was delirious! No, what they did was outrageous and there was no excuse for it in the world.
I missed Adam, of course, although the pain and disappointment I was feeling overshadowed it. He would’ve loved dinner tonight. I wondered again if he was spending time with Eve. Then, suddenly, I felt sorry for him. How terrible to carry a torch for someone else for decades. If he thought Eve would make him happier than I had, he should go be with her. He really should. One thing was for sure, I didn’t want to live out my days with a man who really wanted to be someplace else with someone else. I was still in shock over the whole incident. And for all those years I’d thought I had a perfect marriage.
I crawled into bed and turned out the light. The night was quiet and the sheets were cool and comfortable. Was I sleeping in my grandmother’s bed? Or my mother’s? I’d have to ask Kiki.
What would become of me? I thought. Should I have been thinking about hiring a lawyer? No, it’s too soon for that, I told myself. I didn’t feel like I wanted a divorce anyway. But would I wind up divorced? How stupid! Maybe it was time to call Adam. Or maybe I’d just send him an e-mail. I wondered how long I should stay in Greece. Should I make some day trips to other islands and be a tourist? I was so tired. My skin felt itchy. I’d go to Nicholas’s drugstore in the morning and buy some body lotion. Supposedly long flights dehydrated your skin. I’d heard that somewhere.
When the village lights went dark for the night, I could see a slice of the millions of stars in the sky from my bed if I turned on my side and looked through the window. I wondered what constellations were visible in a Greek winter sky. I would ask someone. Didn’t Calypso tell Odysseus to keep the Bear on his left? Ursa Major. I couldn’t find it if my life depended on it. But I had to say that celestial navigation was a piece of brilliance. Maybe someone had a telescope or maybe there was an observatory on one of the islands. I couldn’t remember how to find Polaris, but I sure did love to look up at the heavens at night. Eventually I drifted off to sleep.
In the morning, I washed my hair and bathed. There was no hair dryer in the house, or at least I couldn’t find one. I decided to just go native, so I braided my hair and tied it off with a rubber band. No one was looking at me anyway. I thought it might be a nice idea to bring something to the picnic, and I hadn’t forgotten about the cake I intended to bake. While the coffeepot was percolating, I looked through all the cabinets. I found no cake pans, but I did find an old cast-iron skillet. I could make an upside-down cake. This would require a trip to the market, and the cake I’d make would depend on what I found there.
I drank two cups of coffee while I dressed and put the house in order. I thought about Carl’s e-mail again. I still felt very upset that I’d had a part in Eve and Carl’s separating. Having had even the slightest role in it was deeply troubling. I composed an e-mail to him.
Carl, I have to tell you that I feel a little sick inside for telling you what Cookie said to me. If that is what caused you to leave, then there is blood on my hands too. I’m so sorry. Eliza
There. I’d spelled it out. I’d apologized. There was nothing more I could do. As my father used to say, that cat is already out of the bag. I hit the send button.
On my way to the shopping district I laughed, thinking, How am I going to buy anything with my pathetic command of the language? This ought to be good, I said to myself. My first stop was a bank that had an ATM on its outside wall. If I had cash it would make a transaction that much easier. I took five hundred euros from my account and thought about how wonderful technology was. And while five hundred euros was a lot, if I didn’t spend them, it didn’t matter. I knew I was coming back to Corfu. That was the moment when I knew I would never deprive myself of my family again. How had I allowed this much time to pass without ever visiting my Greek relatives? I thought about it and I had no real viable answer, except that Adam had no interest in my origins and I let everything he wanted come first. But I did know this much—for starters, I was going to bring JJ and his family back into my orbit. And I’d never be so weak again.
The village grocery store was small and had limited inventory. But I made my way around the aisles and picked up eggs, flour, butter, brown and white sugar, vanilla, and the other things I needed for a basic cake recipe. Then I noticed the clementines. They were bright orange and heavy with juice. I took a dozen. Then I bought some large green olives in oil, some stuffed grape leaves, a few tomatoes and cucumbers, and a block of feta. They had fresh bread, so I took a loaf and added it to my basket. It was a good idea to have a little food in the house. To my surprise, the market sold Pellegrino, and I wondered how a rather expensive Italian water came to be on these shelves next to the Greek varieties. I took a large bottle of the Greek water. And lastly, I picked up a bottle of local Greek white wine.
I paid for everything and the cashier was a little surprised that I didn’t have my own shopping bags. She pointed to the stack of straw ones with leather shoulder straps. They were great looking—bright red with yellow stripes, navy with red stripes—and each one was different. Only five euros each. I took two and added them to my pile of groceries, and she began to fill them.
“American?” she said.
“Yes,” I said, adding, “and Greek.”
I loved saying that.
I had not considered that I would have to carry what I bought back to the house, as I walked along the cobblestone road, giving the strength of my shoulders a challenge. The next time I went food shopping I’d take the weight of everything into consideration. Like, if I wanted a case of water, I’d call a taxi or hitch a ride with Kiki. I was definitely no longer in Kansas.
On the other hand, for that short while I felt like a local—just an ordinary woman going out in the morning to do some errands. I passed schoolchildren in uniforms on their way to class and men whitewashing the street. The shops were opening, and people filled the little cafés, having coffee, frappés, and pastries, reading the newspaper, working on their laptops, beginning their day.
I was falling in love with the place.
Nicholas’s pharmacy was open. I went inside and did not see him there, but there was a clerk behind the pharmacy counter. I sauntered over with a bottle of shampoo and a tube of some kind of body lotion and hoped a wide smile could substitute for my lack of proficiency in the language.
“Is Nicholas here?” I thought, I can’t ask in Greek, so let’s see how far my English takes me.
“No, no. Noon.”