Shit, I had to get moving, I couldn’t stay here any longer. There was just enough time to get back to the facility and grab a quick shower before I had my first press conference of the year.
As slowly as I could, I climbed out of bed, staring at Charlotte’s face after every small movement to make sure she was still sawing logs, but clearly she slept like the dead - nothing I did seemed to have any effect on her. How lucky was that?
I quickly got dressed and noticed that my phone and wallet had fallen out of my pockets in my haste to get naked with her last night. As I pocketed the wallet and looked at my phone, I felt a sudden twinge of remorse.
I wanted to see this girl again, wanted to spend every waking moment with her, from here on out, just on the possibility that she and I might have the cosmic connection that I thought we could have together.
But at the same time, I knew what I had to do. I simply could not afford to see this girl again for the next 5 months. I just needed to focus on football and winning a championship for New England. Even if that didn’t happen, at the very least I had to do everything in my power to ensure that we won. Anything less and our chances of victory would hinge on me, and if we didn’t win, then it would be my fault.
And if that meant giving up a chance with the one girl I had felt anything for in a long time, well, that was just the sacrifice I had to make. I didn’t know how to be any other way.
Still, as I sat in the chair next to her small dining table, lacing up my shoes, I watched her, and the only thought that ran through my head was that I had to spend more time with this girl.
I wanted to leave her my number, but I also couldn’t take the chance that she was some nut who just wanted to sleep with pro football players. Once she learned who I was, she might track me down and show up at the facility, and I couldn’t handle that, not with the media or with my teammates.
It was hard, spending a few months a year with no intimacy, nothing like a real personal connection, but that was the only way I knew how to do things. And even worse, given my tenuous contract and starting situation with the New England Patriots, I couldn’t afford to test out a different way, not this year.
I couldn’t leave my number. But I could do something a little similar. I picked up Charlotte’s phone on the bed, and thumbed it open, dialing my number and completing the call. Her number appeared on my phone’s screen, and then I hung up. I went into her call list and deleted my number from her phone.
I couldn’t explain why I did it, not when I knew the rules, knew that we couldn’t see each other. But I just wanted to have her number, just in case.
In any case, we probably would never see each other again. She’d never hear from me, she’d start dating another guy, and maybe, just maybe, she’d happen to catch a Patriots game on TV this fall, and maybe she might catch a shot of me on TV without my helmet on, and maybe she’d remember who I was.
That was a hell of a lot of maybes, but right now, that was as good as I could do.
I stood up, checking that I had all my clothes and stuff, and looked again at Charlotte sleeping merrily away. I wanted nothing more in the world than to get naked and get back in bed with her, and wake her up with my lips all over her body.
But I had the media to get to, and Coach Armstrong would flay me alive, possibly in public, if I were late to the first media availability of the season. It was not a good precedent to set.
Before I left I leaned over quickly and gave her a long kiss on the forehead. She murmured something and turned over, moving her face away from the light, and snored once, just a little bit, which brought a huge smile to my face. To think that someone so perfect snored was just the hottest thing ever to me.
As I stood back up I realized there was no way a girl like this would be waiting for me when the season ended. As beautiful and interesting as Charlotte? These kinds of girls don’t stay single for 5 months straight unless they want to, especially not in a new town, meeting all sorts of men at every turn.
Nah, this was goodbye for us. It sucked and I didn’t want it to be the case, but playing professional football was the most important thing in my life, and I had a small opportunity to make a go of it and show the team, the league, and the country what I could do.
That was all that mattered, even when I wished it didn’t.
I sighed out loud and turned away from Charlotte, walking steadily toward the door. I opened it softly, and took one look back at her before I left, holding the door till it closed without a sound before I found the exit and got into my car.
I shivered a little bit as I got into my car, holding my hands together and breathing into them before getting in. It was gonna be a sunny and warm day, but right now we had the sun part, not so much the warm part.