***
Chance sat as the jet’s engine roared in his ears, drowning all the crazy thoughts he had in his mind. He was on his way to a one-week business conference to represent his dad, who couldn’t make it. His whole mind was focused on Claire. Things had gone too far between them, and he didn’t know what to do about it. At first she was just another pawn on his chessboard, but almost overnight she had become more. He had tried to resist her by staying away, but that hadn’t worked. He even tried to distance himself from her and pretend he was into other women, but when she seemed like she didn’t care, he had panicked and ran back to her. If only he knew what to feel and how to feel about her. All he knew was that his feelings for her were growing, but he didn’t know how to handle it.
When he returned a week later, he found Claire in her room going over colored fabrics and matching textures and tones on a wooden surface.
“Hey,” he said as he leaned against the door jam. “What are you doing?”
“Hey Chance,” she said and returned her attention to her work. “You’re back.”
He walked inside and looked over her shoulder at the fabrics she was arranging. “You’re pretty good at this.”
“Thanks,” Claire said without looking at him.
Chance pulled the chair up next to the bed and twiddled his thumbs. He sighed and looked everywhere but at Claire. “I don’t know…” he began, but nothing followed.
“What?” she asked.
“Claire, I’m sorry, but this…Gosh!” he said. He got up and kicked the chair away from him. He raked his hand through his hair and stood silently, his back to her. “This isn’t going to work.”
“What isn’t going to work?” she asked.
“Us!” he said. “I’m not sure if I’m ready for this…for us! Everything has been different since we got back and my life is…I always have to think about what you want or how it will affect you. I can’t live the life I’m used to, and I can’t be with you how I want to be, either.”
“Are you breaking up with me?” Claire asked gently. “You won’t be the first.”
“Gosh no, Claire. It’s not like that. I just don’t know what else to do,” he said. “I mean, look at us. You said it once, remember? If they don’t split, then we are doomed. We can’t continue like this.”
“We knew what we were getting into from the very beginning. You persisted even after they got married. I wanted to stop this in St. Lucia. And now that we are all the way in, you want to back out?”
“You know it’s not like that, Claire.” He tried to touch her. She shrugged him off. “I’m just confused.”
“You are a little more than that. You are spoiled and selfish.”
“Come on, Claire, give me a break. I was stupid enough to think this would work. You and I both knew how crazy this was going to be.”
“So you’re choosing to end this relationship instead of fighting for it?”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” he pleaded.
“But that’s what you’re doing. Did you come here to talk to me about it, or just let me know what you’ve already planned to do?”
“I don’t want to fight,” he said at last. “I came to say maybe it would be better if we are just siblings.”
Claire narrowed her eyes at him, then went back to moving around the fabric on the bed. “I have work to do.”
Chance opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He sighed and left. When he did, Claire got up and closed the door behind him. She slid to the floor, her back against the door, and cried. Life was certainly unfair to her. When she was spent, she lay on her bed and fell asleep. It was a long night, and the morning didn’t bring any better luck. She did her best to avoid leaving the room so she didn’t have to see Chance, but as she ventured into the kitchen, he was leaving. She froze when she saw him, and her heart sped up in the same moment. He nodded and walked past her like she had never meant anything to him.
Claire’s hands trembled when she removed the cup from the coffee machine. Everything was against her; even the coffee tasted bland in her mouth. She had no sense of anything. She felt numb, even though she had rationalized that she needed to put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, and soon he would be a distant memory.
“Oh Claire, there you are,” Willow said as she breezed into the kitchen. “I need to go to the other side of town with Bryan. Do you think you can catch a ride with Chance?”
Claire sputtered on the coffee. “Can’t I borrow one of his cars instead?”
“You know you don’t know your way around yet,” Willow reminded her. “Let Chance take you.”
“I’m sure Chance has other things to do,” Claire said. “He can’t be bothered babysitting me. Besides, all I need is a GPS and I’ll be fine.”