The gym was a good place to clear my head. It had been a couple of days since I worked out, anyway, and my muscles craved the exercise. I headed downstairs and saw Alyssa and Maggie sitting at the table eating. I tried not to notice how cute she looked, smiling and chatting, relaxed with her friend like she never was with me. I left quickly without a word, desperate to get my mind off of her.
After an hour at the gym, I felt better. My muscles were sore and aching, but I felt good. I headed to the showers before I left and grabbed some fast food on the way home, planning to change and leave once I arrived. I scarfed down the greasy food and ran upstairs to my room where I dressed in a rush, throwing on a pair of jeans and a gray V-neck.
I headed downstairs, and Mom called out to me from the kitchen. “Blake?”
I popped my head in and saw she was cooking dinner. “What?” I asked her impatiently.
“Where are you going, honey?” she asked, concerned.
“Don’t worry, Mom. I’m just going to hang out with some friends. I’ll see you later.” I rushed out of the kitchen. “Love you!” I called before shutting the door behind me, feeling a little guilty but reminding myself that she had a new husband to take care of her now.
The party was crowded when I got there fifteen minutes later. I saw a bunch of guys from my high school team and headed over to greet them. I grabbed a beer and hung out for a while, talking about girls and sports mostly. Then I walked through the crowded party, weaving between the people dancing and drinking.
My eyes scanned the crowd and stopped on Alyssa. I wondered what she was doing here, because she didn’t run with the same crowd I did. I drew a sharp breath as my eyes lingered on her, surprised. She wore a tight blue dress, and her hair was curled softly around her face, looking more beautiful than ever. Alyssa stood beside Maggie, chatting to a guy I didn’t know.
He stood really close to her, a drink in his hand as he bent to whisper something. When she laughed at him, I pushed away from them through the crowd because I wanted to get away. There were tons of hot girls at this party. I didn’t need to spend my time stuck on the one I couldn’t have. I was headed out to the backyard where some of my friends were when I was stopped by a petite blonde girl. I recognized her as one of the cheerleaders from high school.
The girl was obviously intoxicated. When she stopped me, she said, “Hey, Blake, how are you? I haven’t seen you in forever.”
I smiled politely down at her. “Yeah… Good, how are you, Brittney?” I wanted to get out of there, but the crowd pressed too tightly around us. The music pounded, and Brittney handed me a shot. With a shrug, I drank it, and the alcohol burned my throat.
“Want to go outside? It’s really hot in here,” she asked, hiccuping mid-sentence. I nodded, and she grabbed my hand, pulling me outside into the cool, nighttime breeze.
I sat on a bench in the backyard, drinking beers as Brittney climbed all over me, touching me and kissing my face. I pulled away from her, not in the mood, but she clung to me anyway. I waited until I was sober enough to drive and left after saving my number in Brittney’s phone, figuring she might be a good time when she was a little less drunk.
I drove home and fell into bed, annoyed by the party. I hated the restlessness, desperate to know what might be happening between Alyssa and that guy. I wouldn’t ask, and there was no point in even knowing because it made no difference. I just needed to get Alyssa out of my head. I rolled over, forced my eyes shut, and prepared for another crappy night of sleep.
Over the next two days, I saw very little of Alyssa. She was out a lot or holed up in her room, reading. I was bored out of my mind, filling my time with going to the gym and playing video games in my room. I was on the twelfth level of the game and had been playing for a few hours when there was a knock on my door. “Come in,” I called out without looking away from the television screen in front of me.
The door opened, and I flicked a quick glance at my mom as she entered the room. “Blake, honey, can we talk for a moment?”
I paused the game with an annoyed sigh and turned to look at my mother. “Sure, Mom. What’s up?”
“I want to talk to you about school, honey. You need to figure out what you’re going to do,” Mom told me, looking even more concerned that usual.
“I don't know, Mom. I really don't know what I want to do.” I smiled to soften the annoyance in my tone. I was mad at myself more than at her. The constant disappointment and anxiety I felt when I thought of school bubbled to the surface after I had deliberately neglected the thoughts all summer. I felt guilty for dismissing the subject of my future, but it was terrifying to think about.
“I still think you should go to the school that offered you a position on their football team—the one Alyssa goes to. It’s close, and you would get to be on the team.” I saw the hope in her eyes as she handed me the envelope I had opened at the beginning of the summer and never touched again.