Blake nodded. “Don’t worry about it, kid. We both know it didn’t mean anything.”
“Right,” I replied softly, knowing that, for me at least, it had meant something.
***
Over the next few weeks, I could feel a distance growing between the two of us. Except for our weekly tutoring sessions, I avoided Blake as much as possible, which proved to be relatively easy, considering our busy lives. It was hard to describe, but the more I forced myself away from Blake, the emptier I felt, as if he filled some sort of deep and desperate void inside me.
I shook my head. I had spaced out thinking about Blake again. It was the week before finals, and I was studying as much as possible, but I just couldn’t focus. I let out a sigh and flipped through my book, grateful winter vacation was just around the corner.
Thirsty, I decided to go get some water, grateful to pull my attention from the textbook in front of me. I waltzed downstairs but stopped halfway down. I could hear angry voices floating up the staircase. I stayed where I was, listening intently, indulging my curiosity.
“How can you still be doing this badly?” I heard Debbie ask exasperatedly.
Blake returned a snarky comment. “Whatever. I’m trying, okay? Just back off.”
“Back off?” she asked coldly. “This is your future, Blake. You can’t just half-ass it.”
There was silence for a moment. My father’s voice, gentler and more yielding then Debbie’s, said, “You study with Alyssa, right? Maybe you guys need to work harder, study more often.”
Blake’s voice was quiet as he responded, “I feel bad. She’s already doing so much. I can’t ask her for more help.”
“Blake, please think about this,” Debbie said desperately. “This is your future. You have to do better. You simply have to.”
“We’ll figure it out, Blake,” my father reassured him.
The conversation ended, and I heard movements. I quickly shot back upstairs, not wanting to get caught eavesdropping. I was walking into my room as Blake walked up the stairs.
“Hey,” he greeted, trying to disguise his bitter tone with nonchalance.
“Hi,” I replied, giving him a small smile because I felt bad for him. He turned to go in his bedroom and impulsively I called out, “Hey, Blake?”
He spun around slowly and walked over to me. “What’s up?” he asked expectantly.
I bit my lip before answering, wondering if offering him more help would be good for us. I knew he wouldn’t ask me, and I genuinely wanted to help him. “Listen… I overheard the conversation with our parents.” I internally flinched at the mention of our parents because I didn’t want to be reminded that Blake and I were technically siblings. I looked up at him with kind eyes and said, “Look, Blake, I want to help you.”
His face lit up automatically, which made my heart swell with joy. “Really?” he asked quickly. “You don’t mind?”
I shook my head with a small laugh. “No, it’s fine. I have to study anyway, so it’s not a big deal.”
“Thanks,” he said, his tone sincere. “I really appreciate it.”
I couldn’t tear myself away from his gaze, enjoying the kind, happy moment between us. We stood at the threshold of my bedroom, our bodies close, which incited a warm feeling inside of me, like I’d just come home from somewhere far away. This was the proximity I had been craving for weeks. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I resisted the urge. I should have felt silly or even embarrassed at my blatant attraction to Blake, but he carried himself with the same familiar tension. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his beautiful green eyes were filled with an intensity that stirred a mirrored response within me.
He smiled at me, his face almost wistful in its demeanor, and whispered, “I miss you, kid.”
I watched him walk away after his admission, and I sighed and shut the door, murmuring, “You, too.”
I sat down on my bed, light and dizzy from the moment of nearness with Blake. He misses me, I thought with a smile. Regardless, it felt good to know he wanted me in some way, but I quickly reminded myself of our previous conversation. Those kisses we shared meant nothing to him. There was no point in analyzing his words any further, but a hollow loneliness lingered, weighing me down. With a sigh, I turned back to my textbook, not sure what to expect from the week ahead.
Blake