He should cancel that.
Vaughn laughed as Jordie shrugged. Running his finger along his beard to clean off the burrito lingering behind, he pinned Benji with a look. “I had to. Kasey said her friend wanted to go out with you until she read it. You basically tell your whole life story. You got baggage, dude, which is cool. A girl out there won’t mind, but reel her in first and then unload the baggage. You can’t do it on the first date.”
“That’s not fair to them, though. I want to be honest,” he explained but they both weren’t satisfied with his logic. He thought he was being fair. He didn’t want someone getting involved with him and then finding out later that he was a sober guy who lost his family in a shitty car wreck he should have died in too.
“Whoa, what happened to just getting laid?” Vaughn gave them both a look and Jordie scoffed. “You don’t need to be honest to get laid, bro. It’s one night, not forever.”
“He wants a relationship, dude,” Jordie stressed, shaking his head. “But maybe you should just get some. Maybe it will help. Hell, I don’t know. We’ve been trying to get you laid for a year and it isn’t working.”
Giving them both a dry look, Benji glanced down at his half-eaten burrito. “You guys are too concerned with my love life.”
“Because you talk about it all the damn time,” Vaughn accused and Benji scrunched his face up.
“I do not!”
“Okay, maybe not all the time. But, dude, I’m going out, getting some ass, and instead of getting some ass, you go back home to watch Game of Thrones. It’s pathetic.”
Giving him a dull look, Benji held his chin high. “Um, I’ve moved on to Supernatural, thank you.”
“For fuck’s sake, again?” Jordie balked and Benji looked back down.
“What? It’s a good show.”
“That won’t get you laid!” Vaughn roared, causing everyone to look at their table. Benji knew they were right. He needed to get out of the house, go out and meet people, but TV was easy. No one could judge him at home. It was him and the TV. No one to pity him. It was easy…but it was lonely. Very lonely.
“BP, what do you want, dude?” Jordie asked then, bringing his gaze up to Benji’s. “I mean, do you want to be with someone? Or are you cool with how life is going?”
He wasn’t and he didn’t have to answer for Jordie to know that. They had been friends for a long time now. They knew each other’s darkest secrets—the perks of both being addicts. If there were perks… But, whatever, Jordie knew Benji.
He knew Benji wanted to be happy again.
“I’m saying this as your friend. Stop using Ava and Leary as your reason for not putting yourself out there. I’m not saying to forget them, you couldn’t even if you tried, but you can’t keep using them the way you do. I really don’t think you realize how much you use them as a shield.”
Looking away, Benji sucked in a breath and let it out. He did know.
“If you want to be happy, if you want what all of us have——”
“Not me, I don’t have anyone ’cause I don’t want them,” Vaughn added and Jordie rolled his eyes.
“Anyway, then go get it, dude. You’re a good dude, any girl would be lucky to have you.”
“Wow, you sounded really gay there,” Vaughn mocked, but Jordie ignored him, holding Benji’s gaze.
“You know what I mean?”
And he did. It scared him, though.
Because, in the years since he laid Ava and Leary to rest, he hadn’t found anyone who could spark even an ounce of the happiness they sparked inside of Benji.
But, if he was honest, he hadn’t really been looking. He had gotten so used to feeling sorry for himself, he didn’t know how to get what he wanted. On the ice, no problem, he fought to the point of exhaustion, but that was the player he was. He knew how to handle hockey, he knew how to win at that—but life, he kind of sucked at that. He had no fight. Probably because he had nothing to fight for.
God, he was pitiful.
And this wasn’t the man he wanted to be. It was time to change.
“You’re right.”
“I know. It happens a lot. Ask my wife, she’ll tell ya,” Jordie said, flashing his pearly whites.
“You forget I know your wife very well, and she wouldn’t say that at all,” Benji teased back as his phone rang. Jordie laughed as Benji reached into his pocket, pulling his phone out. Looking at the screen, he saw it was the new captain of the Assassins, Jayden Sinclair. He liked Jayden, strong leader and cool dude. He was young, but the kid could lead like no one he had ever seen. They had formed a good friendship, especially now that they played on the same line together. He respected the guy.
“Hey, Cap,” he answered as both Vaughn and Jordie started to eat the food that had been forgotten while they all discussed Benji’s love life.
Or lack of one.
Whatever.
“BP, I need a favor.” He sounded desperate.
Benji laughed. “Should I be scared?”