“Isn’t that what we just got into?” My arm flailed behind me, trying to dodge around him only to be blocked again. “I need a break before getting into another.”
Soren’s head fell back, a frustrated roar rumbling in his chest. “For Christ’s sake, you’re nineteen. I’m twenty. This is both of our first serious relationship.” I rammed into his chest when he dodged in front of my next attempt to get around him. “Jealousy and immaturity are easy traps to fall into, so we’re going to have to fight it, Hayden. We’re going to have to fucking rise above all of that petty shit our peers get wrapped up in, because this, us”—he gestured between us—“deserves more than that. I’m not going to lose you over some stupid argument. I’m not going to let you lose me because I’m jealous of some guy who sends you flowers. We’re not going to do that shit.”
The fight to leave drained out of me. Instead of trying to push him away, my hands started pulling him closer.
“We just did all of that shit.” I sighed, letting my head drop to his shoulder, the anger melting off of me.
“But we’re not going to do it again.” His hand sealed behind my neck, holding me to him. When I nodded against him, he said, “Promise?”
My eyes closed. “Promise.”
“I promise too,” he vowed in my ear. “I love you too much to lose you over something so little.”
That promise stayed with me, a piece of him I could take across the Atlantic and hold close at night when his arms couldn’t hold me. He loved me too much to lose me. I loved him too much to lose him.
That was the truth.
Love wasn’t enough was also a truth.
We needed more than that to keep us together. So much more. Our relationship was strained, delicate enough the way it was with him still living in New York. What would happen if—when—he was drafted? Even if we could survive him relocating to another state, there was so much more that came with being a professional athlete. The practice schedule was intense, the travel schedule was insane, the girls vying to land a pro baller were incalculable. We were both young; this was our first relationship. We’d started out as roommates and haphazardly fallen for each other.
This wasn’t a recipe for a long-term relationship.
I knew that. I thought there were moments even he knew that.
I just wondered when—if—we’d go from knowing that to living it.
My flight home was on time—I considered anything within an hour of expected arrival on time—but the smile vanished from my face the moment I turned on my phone as the plane taxied the tarmac. Soren’s team had been held over in Massachusetts, where they’d been playing this weekend. The game tonight had been cancelled due to lightning, so they’d rescheduled for the morning. He wouldn’t get back into the city until late tomorrow night. My flight back to Paris left tomorrow night.
Tears burned in my eyes, exhaustion giving them their chance to surface. I’d only taken this flight because it had been two weeks since my last visit and I knew it would be another two before our schedules would overlap again. As it was, I’d spent a total of thirty hours on airplanes and in airports to spend twenty-four hours with him.
It was worth it. Half that amount of time would have been worth it.
But it wasn’t worth coming back to an empty apartment and leaving it just as empty.
The apartment. I couldn’t stand the thought of going back to another empty space.
As I moved through the airport at the pace I usually used when I was preparing to leave, I pulled out my phone. My thumb hovered over the list of numbers in my contacts. Most were business acquaintances and clients. I knew better than to call my mom and sisters. They were already worried about me with all of the traveling I’d been doing and that “dead” tone to my voice, as my mom called it.
I came close to calling Ariel and Jane, but our friendship had been waning over the past few months. I didn’t blame them at all. It was hard enough for me to keep Soren’s and my relationship going and I spent all my time with him when I did come back. I knew they’d answer if I called and I knew they’d invite me out if I asked, but I didn’t want to feel like someone’s tag-along tonight. I wanted to feel like someone’s first choice, the way he made me feel.
Just as I was about to put my phone away, it rang. Soren had told me to call him the second I landed, but I hadn’t been able to. Not yet. I needed a couple of hours for the disappointment to numb me before I called him.
“Hi, Ellis,” I said after I’d debated answering it for so long, it almost went to voicemail.
“Hello, beautiful. Land safe and sound?”
I paused inside the baggage claim area, not sure where to tell the cab driver to go when I climbed in. “Safe and sound.”
“I’m throwing a party tonight and wanted to invite you since your being Stateside is a rarity these days.” Ellis’s voice sounded out-of-character cheerful, which meant he’d probably already downed a couple of drinks at this party. “You can bring him along, of course. I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if I tried pulling you away the moment you landed.”
My chest ached. This was usually where Soren met me. Right here, inside the sliding glass doors of the baggage claim. Where he’d start running as soon as he saw me, throw himself against me so hard it made the air rush from both of our lungs, then he’d tangle my legs around him and wouldn’t stop kissing me until we risked falling over from lack of oxygen.
I wiped the tear I could feel on my cheek, but my hand came away dry. It was a phantom tear. Kind of the way Soren felt right then.
“Actually, Soren got held over for the night with his baseball team.”
“Too bad,” Ellis clucked. “But the invitation still stands.”
“I’m not really dressed for a party,” I said, even though a party didn’t sound like a bad idea. I’d done my best to keep as much distance from Ellis as I could out of respect for Soren—for us. He was my agent, which made total distance impossible, but I’d made strides in keeping our interactions limited to occasional phone calls, keeping to emails mostly.
“It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. Trust me.” The way he said it made it sound like there was a punch line. “Come on. You’ll enjoy yourself, I guarantee it.”
“You guarantee it?” My feet were moving through the door, like they’d made the decision for me.
“I won’t allow you to leave until you have. I’ll make it my personal mission.”
I almost smiled, which was better than a certain frown. “I’m coming.”