***
The weather was perfect, dry with low humidity. We would be meeting at Colt State Park, which was just over the bridge and off of the island. Justin and I had visited this park once or twice when we were kids, so it felt a little bit nostalgic.
We packed a picnic lunch and made an afternoon out of it, getting there an hour before Adam was set to arrive. Might as well balance a stressful event with some fun.
I’d dressed Bea in the frilliest pink dress she had and placed one of those little thin ruffled headbands over her head. Her tiny feet were covered in the cutest white patent leather shoes.
Justin gently brushed the back of his finger along her head. “Bea looks adorable, but you know it kind of pisses me off you got her all dressed up for him.”
“I wanted her to look her best, make him feel like shit.”
“She always looks her best, no matter what you put on her. He should feel like shit either way, whether she’s wearing a dress or covered in poop. She’s his fucking flesh and blood, and he hasn’t seen her for the first five months of her life.”
“You’re right.”
Our attention turned to a couple of teenagers who were flying a multi-colored kite. We sat in silence, enjoying the scenery. It was a great day to be out on the water, so lots of sailboats could be seen in the distance since the park abutted the ocean.
Justin looked up at the clear blue sky. “Do you remember the last time we were here?”
“Yes,” I said quietly. “It was shortly before I moved to New Hampshire. You were starting to get into photography.” Justin had taken his camera to Colt State Park during our last trip here and snapped some pictures of me with the water as a backdrop.
“Yeah. That hobby was short-lived, took a backseat to music.” He took out his wallet, which was quite old, the brown leather cracked and weathered. He opened it. “If I show you something, don’t laugh.”
“Okay…”
He took out a small black and white photo that was tucked inside the back. The edges of the photo paper were frayed. It was a snapshot of me that I’d never seen. “This was one of the photos I shot that day. It was the only one I had developed.”
I took it from him. “Wow. I never had a chance to see any of them.”
“This one was my favorite because I snapped it when you weren’t posing. You were laughing at one of my jokes when I took it.”
My gaze traveled from the photo to his beautiful blue eyes that were staring into mine and reflected the ocean behind me. “You’ve always carried this around?”
“Even when I was mad at you, I couldn’t get myself to get rid of it. I’d hide it, so I didn’t have to see you, but I couldn’t throw you away.”
“Throw it away or throw me away?”
“Both.”
We continued to lock eyes as I willed away the pangs of longing that were always there and needed to be constantly suppressed.
Looking down at my watch, I noticed that it was ten minutes past three. “Adam is late.”
“What a jackass.”
Justin took Bea from me and lay back, placing her on his chest. She was reaching out her little hand to his mouth while he blew raspberries against her fingers.
The minutes passed and still no sign of Adam. After an hour of waiting, Justin was becoming irate. “We need to leave.”
“I can’t believe he would just not show up. Maybe he’s stuck in traffic.”
“Why wouldn’t he text you then? That’s fucking beyond disrespectful. He doesn’t deserve a minute more of our time. He’s better off not showing up at this point, because he’d get a punch to the face.”
I started to pack up, feeling incredibly sad for Bea. Whether Adam was a part of our lives didn’t matter to me, but it would surely matter to her someday.
Suddenly, my phone vibrated. It was a text from Adam.
I was on my way but turned around. I’m sorry. I just can’t. I can’t do this. I’ll send you money.
Justin took the phone from me and read the text. He shook his head in utter disbelief then looked down at Bea, who was still sitting there in her beautiful dress as she looked up at him. Justin had his knees up, and Bea was resting her back against the slope of his legs. Her tiny hands were enveloped in his large ones. My daughter was calm as a clam. She had no clue what that text meant for the rest of her life. She had no clue that her father had just abandoned her.
I was pretty sure she thought she was staring into the eyes of her father right now.