Hearing her say that is like a punch to the gut. I understand. I don’t like it, but I will respect her wishes. “Okay. Public transport’s out of the question, though. I need to know you’ve walked back through your front door okay. I’m sure Cade won’t mind taking you if you pref—”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” She looks up at me, frowning slightly. “I mean, I don’t want to go. I mean I want to stay here. I want…I want to be with you.”
I’ve known pretty much from the beginning that she was attracted to me. It was fairly obvious from the way she acted around me and how often I caught her staring. I was hardly shy about the fact that I was into her, too, though. This, however, is a huge surprise. She looks a little stunned herself.
“I thought you’d jump at the chance to get out of here, Soph. Don’t you want to go home? See your parents? Your sister?” I stroke my hand over her wild, wavy hair, dreading whatever she’s going to say next. I want her to be safe. I want her to be a million miles away from Ramirez and his men, even if Raphael is no longer a concern. But I also want her in my line of sight at all times, close enough that I can touch…
“I’m going to call my dad,” she says. “I want them to know that I’m okay. And I want them to know that…that I’m not coming home.”
“Perhaps you should think about this before you make any rash decisions.”
“I have. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for days. I don’t think I can go back to who I was before, Jamie. I’m not…I not the person I used to be.”
When she calls me Jamie, I feel like I could be the person I used to be, if I tried really hard. That would mean giving up this whole enterprise, though. It would mean admitting that Cade’s sister is gone and that we’re never going to find her. After so long, I think I’ve already come to terms with that fact anyway. Admitting it is hard, though. Admitting it to Cade would be fucking impossible. We barely talk about her anymore. He must have come to the same conclusion that I have, but she’s his blood. He won’t stop looking until he’s found out what happened to her one way or another. And I won’t abandon him.
“This club is intense, Soph. Being here means you’re going to be more and more involved in the way we live our lives. Is that something you can put up with?”
“Yes. I want to. I—” She turns to face me, eyes about as wide as I’ve ever seen them. She’s so fucking beautiful. I want to wrap her in cotton wool and keep her safe. Forever. “I want to be a part of it,” she whispers.
“Be a part of the club?” This…this is guaranteed the very last thing I ever expected her to say. I still don’t think I’ve understood her correctly. “You want to be a part of the club?”
“Yes. I want to do what Carnie did. I want to prospect.”
“No. Fucking. Way.” She’s gone mad. I shouldn’t have made her bury Raphael. It must have caused severe trauma to her brain.
“Why not?”
“Come on. Let’s get in the car.” I help her to her feet, and then I’m half guiding, half dragging her back to the Humvee. She doesn’t make a sound when I open up the passenger door for her and usher her inside. Slamming the door closed, I hope the loud noise will be an end to the crazy conversation, but Sophia’s ready and waiting for me.
“Shay’s a woman. Fee, too.”
“That’s correct. They are.”
“So why can’t I be a Widow Maker? If they can be, then surely I can be, too.”
I start the engine but I don’t put the Humvee into gear. I swivel in my seat so I’m facing her, desperately trying not to launch myself across the other side of the car so I can shake some sense into her. “You can’t join because it’s dangerous, sugar. Things with Ramirez are about to get grade A fucked up. I’m trying to make your life safer, not even more dangerous.”
“Do you honestly think Ramirez is going to forget all about me now that Raphael’s gone? Am I still not the only person who can testify about your uncle’s murder?”
“Raphael killed Ryan. Raphael’s now dead. There’s no way to prove in a court of law that Hector ordered him to do it. That ship has well and truly sailed. The cops are never going to fix this. I’m going to have to fix it. The club is going to have to fix it. It’s going to be all out warfare, and that bitch Lowell is going to be along for the ride. God knows how it’s all going to end. I don’t want it to end with you swinging from the end of a rope, missing your fucking hands and feet, though.”