“Do you think a sex tape is an appropriate birthday gift?” I dump a cupful of ice into the blender on top of the milk-and-coffee combination I’ve already dumped in. I squint at the blender and then grab the chocolate syrup bottle and overturn it, making sure the chocolate is flowing before I glance back at Sophie.
It’s mid-morning and the early rush at Grind Me is over. Sophie is refilling the napkin dispenser at the register while I mess with my creation in the blender.
“To clarify, you mean filming yourself having sex with Sawyer?”
“Uh, yeah. What else could I mean by a sex tape?” I dump a handful of chocolate chips into the blender and start peeling a banana.
She shrugs. “How would I know? Maybe you meant a celebrity sex tape. Or a tape of you working a stripper pole.” She tosses me a cheeky grin.
I pause, frowning, then shake my head. “I don’t have time to learn how to work a pole before his birthday so that’s out.”
“I was joking about the pole.” Sophie pulls a box of straws out from under the counter.
I add the banana to the blender. “No, it was a valid suggestion. Maybe next year.”
“Next year?” Sophie’s ponytail whirls as she turns around and leans against the counter. “You’re already planning gifts a year out?” Her eyebrow is arched, a smile on her face.
“I’m already planning gifts for the rest of our lives.”
“All the shit you gave me about being too serious with Luke so quickly and you’re head over heels in love with Sawyer in just over a month?” She’s got her hands on her hips, head tilted in dismay.
“I was wrong.” I shrug, and snap the lid on the blender.
“Huh,” Sophie replies, once the blender stops.
“Huh, what?” I ask, dumping my drink into a cup and snapping a lid on it.
“Huh, I didn’t think you’d admit defeat on that so quickly.”
“When you’re wrong, you’re wrong.” I hop up onto the back counter and stuff a straw into my drink. “Holy shit, I’m a genius. Taste this.” I hold out the drink to Sophie, wiggling my wrist back and forth in excitement. “So good!”
Sophie takes the cup from my hand and sips, then grimaces and hands it back. “Disgusting.”
“It is not!” I take another sip. “Who doesn’t like chocolate and banana?” I’ll admit, some of my concoctions are pretty bad, but this one is happiness in a cup.
“No.” She shakes her head. “I like chocolate and bananas, but something is off about that.” She points to the cup in my hand.
I glare at her and take a big obnoxious sip, causing an air pocket in the cup and a loud slurping noise that I encourage, wiggling the straw around. “Your taste buds are damaged or something.”
“If you say so,” she says, her expression indicating she thinks no such thing.
“Back to my potential sex tape, it’s a good idea, yes?” I don’t wait for an answer before continuing my case. “It’s impossible finding gifts for a guy with enough money to buy anything he wants. And what man doesn’t want a recording of himself banging his girlfriend? Every man wants that. Am I right?” I look to Sophie for confirmation.
“Sex tapes and anal. It’s on every man’s wish list.”
I grunt. “Yeah, and I already told him I’m saving anal for marriage, so that’s out.”
“Wait, you’ve never had anal?” Sophie’s eyes widen, her voice a whisper.
I glance at her face and slap my drink down on the counter. “You have?” I’m stunned.
She darts her eyes away from mine and then back, biting her lip and nodding, her face red.
“How is this possible? You were a virgin five minutes ago and you’ve already progressed to anal?” I shake my head. “Oh, my God. I’m an anal old maid.” I drop my forehead into my hand with a slap, then sit up straight, my hands gripped around the counter’s edge as I lean forward to get Sophie’s attention. “Did you like it?”
Sophie clears her throat and glances around again, like someone is going to catch us discussing this and post about it on Facebook. “Yes,” she whispers, then looks at the ceiling as if she can’t meet my eyes while she admits it. “It’s, um, good. I don’t want to do it every day, but occasionally, yes, I like it.”
“Huh,” I say. “Well, then.”
We get a customer then, so Sophie helps them while I sit on the back counter and Google sex tapes with my phone, which, as it turns out, does not give you instructions about how to make a sex tape, but instead pulls up links to sex tapes that have already been made. I change my search to making a sex tape and get similar results. Has no one made a blog entry about this? I mean, where do I start? Can I use the camera on my phone? Do I need industrial lighting?
I tap the side of my phone with a fingertip and sigh, watching as Sophie adds sprinkles to a hot chocolate for the little rugrat peering over the counter, its mother standing nearby stirring cream into her coffee. It’s kinda cute, I decide. She’s kinda cute, I correct myself. Moms probably don’t like it when you refer to their kids as it, even in your head.
“I hope my ass looks that good after I have kids,” I comment, watching them leave, hand in hand.