Rich People Problems (Crazy Rich Asians #3)

Just then, Reverend Bo Lor Yong approached the pulpit and spoke too close to the microphone. His voice came out booming: “Your Majesties, Highnesses, Excellencies, Mr. President, ladies and gentlemen, may I present Shang Su Yi’s dearest grandson, Edison Cheng, accompanied by the one and only…Lang Lang!”


The crowd murmured excitedly at the announcement of the celebrated pianist, and all eyes were on the main altar as Lang Lang walked to the grand piano and began to play the opening chords of a curiously familiar melody. The doors of the cathedral swung open, and eight Gurkha guards from Tyersall Park stood silhouetted in the dramatic arched entrance, bearing Su Yi’s casket on their shoulders. Captain Vikram Ghale was the lead pallbearer, and as they slowly began to enter the nave of the cathedral, Eddie emerged from the shadows of the transept and took his place in front of the piano, a lone spotlight on him. As the guests in the church stood up respectfully, the casket made its way up the central aisle as Eddie began to sing in a quivering tenor:

“It must have been cold there in my shadowwwwww,

to never have sunlight on your faaaaaaace…”



“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Nick muttered, burying his face in his hands.

“They cut your speech for this?” Rachel was furious and yet trying desperately not to laugh.

“Did I ever tell you you’re my heeeee-eeeee-eero…” Eddie belted out, not quite hitting the right pitch.

Victoria turned to Felicity with a frown. “What on earth?”

Felicity whispered to Astrid, “Do you know this hymn?”

“It’s not a hymn, Mum. It’s ‘Wind Beneath My Wings’ by Bette Midler.”

“Bet who?”

“Exactly. She’s a singer Ah Ma would never have heard of either.”

As the guards proceeded up the aisle, everyone in the cathedral suddenly went quiet as they caught sight of Su Yi’s two devoted Thai lady’s maids. Swathed in dark gray silk dresses with a single black orchid pinned above their breasts, they walked five paces behind her casket, tears running down their faces.





* * *




*1 Just count the commas and you’ll understand what Eddie means: $1,000,000,000.

*2 A Singlish term meaning “to reserve.” Singaporeans chope seats at concerts, hawker centers, and other public venues by placing a packet of tissue paper on the seat.

*3 Chee cheong fun: a long, limp, rice noodle roll. You char kway: a long, stiff, deep-fried breadstick.





CHAPTER FIVE


ST. ANDREW’S CATHEDRAL, SINGAPORE

After the memorial service, guests were invited to a white tent that had been erected next to the cathedral, where everyone could mingle over an elaborate afternoon-tea buffet. The tent was decorated to replicate Su Yi’s conservatory at Tyersall Park. Hundreds of pots of orchids in full bloom hung from the ceiling, while towering topiaries composed of roses from Su Yi’s rose garden commanded each of the tables covered in Battenberg lace. A battalion of waitstaff rolled around antique silver carts arrayed with steaming cups of Darjeeling tea and ice-cold flutes of Lillet champagne, while chefs in white toques manned the tables filled with afternoon-tea standards like finger sandwiches, scones with clotted cream, and nyonya cakes.

Nick, Rachel, and Astrid sat in a quiet corner reminiscing with cousins Alistair, Scheherazade, and Lucia.

“You know, I used to be deathly afraid of Ah Ma when I was little,” Alistair confessed. “I think it’s maybe because all the adults seemed to fear her, I just picked up on that.”

“Really? She always seemed like a fairy godmother to me,” Scheherazade said. “I remember one summer hols many years ago, I was wandering around Tyersall Park by myself when I came upon Great-auntie Su Yi. She was standing at the edge of that pond with those enormous lily pads, and when she saw me, she said, ‘Zhi Yi, come’—she always called me by my Chinese name. She looked up at the sky and made this clicking sound with her tongue. Out of nowhere these two swans swooped down and landed right on the pond! Su Yi reached into the pocket of that blue gardening coat she always wore and pulled out little sardines. The swans glided up to her and gently ate the sardines out of her hand. I was absolutely mesmerized.”

“Yes, those swans were the same pair that were always at the lake in the Botanic Gardens. Ah Ma used to say, ‘Everyone thinks these swans live there, but actually this is their pond, and they just visit the Botanic Gardens because they’ve gotten fat and spoiled by all the tourists that feed them!’?” Nick remembered.

“It’s not fair, I feel like you got to know Great-auntie Su Yi much better than I did, Scheherazade!” Lucia said with a little pout.

Rachel shot Lucia a smile, and then noticed Carlton strolling nonchalantly toward them. “Carlton! How did you get through Fort Knox?”

“I may or may not have been slipped an invitation by someone,” Carlton said with a wink, as Scheherazade blushed.

“Astrid, mind if I have a quick word?” Carlton said.

“Me?” Astrid looked up in surprise.

“Yes.”

Astrid got up from her chair and Carlton took her over to a corner. “I have a message from a friend. Go to the chapel behind the north transept of the cathedral right now. Trust me.”

“Oh. Okay,” Astrid said, her brow furrowed at Carlton’s mysterious message. She walked out of the tent and headed into the church through a side door, making her way to the north transept. As she entered the small alcove chapel within the cathedral, her eyes took a moment to adjust to the darkened room. A figure emerged from behind a pillar.

“Charlie! Oh my God! What are you doing here?” Astrid exclaimed as she rushed to embrace him.

“I just couldn’t let you be alone today.” Charlie hugged her tight, kissing her forehead repeatedly. “How are you?”

“I’m okay, I guess.”

“I know this is the last thing on your mind, but you look stunning today,” Charlie said, marveling at her knee-length black dress with a white Greek key motif piping on the skirt and collar.

“This was my grandmother’s, from the 1930s.”

“Was the service beautiful?”

“I wouldn’t really call it that. It was grand, and it was strange. The Sultan of Borneo talked about the war and how my great-grandfather helped to save his family. He spoke in Malay, so everything had to be translated by this very perky woman. Then my brother spoke, and he was so weird and stilted he sounded like the Manchurian Candidate. The most emotional moment came when my grandmother’s casket first entered the church. When I saw Madri and Patravadee walking behind the casket, I just lost it.”

“I know it’s been a very sad day. I brought something for you…I was debating at first whether or not to show it to you today, but I think it might actually cheer you up.” Charlie took a small envelope out of his pocket and handed it to Astrid. She opened it up and unfolded a handwritten note:

Dear Astrid,

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