I brave a look at him to see that he’s staring at me intently.
“I don’t know why I flew here and sought you out. I swear I’m not asking for anything, nor would I ask…or do I want to meet Stella or Re-y-your parents. That’s not what this is. I guess it’s just a morbid type of curiosity that brought me here to meet you.” After a harsh exhale, I relay the rest of the truth. “It’s just…that revelation kind of cracked my sky. Those emails…the love exchanged. It’s altered how I view things and my parents’ relationship as a whole, and I can’t change it back. So, I just had to get away, and I came here. That’s it, that’s the whole truth.”
I shake my head and let out a low, strangled laugh. “You probably think I’m crazy now.”
Silence stretches for long seconds as I avoid his eyes.
“Crazy people don’t question their sanity,” he utters assuringly.
“Well, I feel fucking crazy. I just couldn’t look at my father anymore with a thousand unanswered questions I have no right to ask swirling in my head. I had to get the hell out of there. Not only because of that, but because I violated his privacy in an unforgivable way. Some of those emails were so intimate.”
Tears threaten, and my voice shakes. “Nate Butler is the person I love and respect most in the world. My father is my everything. Maybe that’s why I took it so personally. So, I came here, I guess, wanting to meet you, doubtful I would get any more of a story you probably had no idea existed, either. And now…though the why is killing me, I don’t think I want to know the rest. Knowing the full truth will probably sting worse than not knowing, but I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m sorry for the way I did this, the way I roped you into my bullshit. It was just a lot easier to do it in a professional capacity than to admit that…” I palm my face briefly and smile, “is twenty-two too early to have a midlife crisis?”
Fear swallows me as his eyes remain intent, and I turn back to the water. “I’m sorry, Easton, if you want to walk away, God, go. I won’t blame you, but everything you’ve confided in me is safe, I swear to you.”
I feel the brush of his hand against mine, and an involuntary shiver runs up my spine. My lips part as I glance back at him, his face impassive as he grips my arm and turns me back to him.
“Stop fucking ducking away from me,” he commands, his order warming me, even as I shiver in the cold.
“Do you hate me?”
He slowly shakes his head before he speaks. “Are they happy?”
“My parents?” I ask.
He nods.
“That’s the thing, they seem to be totally content…I have no right to ask you…but are—”
Easton nods quickly, confirming what I already knew.
“So, it’s all for the best, and I should be able to put it to rest, except that…”
“What?”
“They were engaged, Easton.”
Easton’s eyes widen slightly in surprise.
“Yeah, I discovered that last night, which is why I didn’t sleep. Like I said, it was serious, and I felt it. I felt the love between them down to my marrow.”
He sorts through my confessions for several beats before his expression changes, and I don’t miss its implication.
“Great,” I roll my eyes. “I know that look and what you’re thinking.”
“Enlighten me.”
“You’re thinking that maybe if I had a love life of my own to concentrate on, I wouldn’t currently be obsessing over my father’s ancient history.”
“No—”
“Oh, shut up. You’re thinking it.” I call bullshit. All pretenses are gone as I bare myself in return because he deserves it, no matter how humiliating it is.
“I’m not thinking that. Not outright.”
“Okay then, what do you think? Don’t hold back,” I snort. “Not like you would to spare me.”
The space between us crackles as I blow out a nervous breath. He waits for my gaze to lift, his silence deafening before he finally speaks.
“I think reading those emails affected you this way because you might be envious. Maybe you crave a connection, a love like my parents have, like our parents had together, maybe something more than the relationship you’ve idolized your whole life.” He leans in, his every word striking like a blow.
“Jesus. Is this who I am? The girl inventing drama?” He blocks my attempt to cover my face before pinning my wrists to the dock and stealing my breath.
“I’m also thinking you’ve never been properly kissed, fucked, or loved and that you caught a glimpse of something you want for yourself.”
My foot slips, and in an instant I’m in his arms as his whisper caresses my temple. “Okay?”
“Yes,” I snap. “No, hell no,” I admit, stepping out of his reach.
“Natalie—” he murmurs at my back.
“Fuck—this is humiliating.” I feel my eyes burning as the truth of his words resonate with me. “I’ve been so wrapped up in it, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees,” I scoff. “But you’re right, you’re absolutely right. Hell, maybe this was inevitable…I’ve been reading and writing human interest stories my entire life. Incredible moments,” I sniff. “Other people’s defining moments and echoes. So, what do I go and do?” My eyes spill over. “The worst fucking thing imaginable to a man who means everything to me. Just being here, meeting you, is a betrayal in itself, Easton—of the worst kind.” Fear rolls through me at the idea my father might already know where I am. “If he found out I was here, with you, I don’t know if he could or would ever forgive me.”
“There’s nothing wrong wit—”
“There’s everything wrong with this,” I snap. “She broke his heart in a way that probably changed him. So maybe there is a lot of truth to what you’ve gathered, but it’s not just envy…”
He turns my chin with gentle fingers, forcing my watering eyes to his. “Say it.”
I gaze up at him, feeling as lost as I was when I got here. “What if…my father settled for my mother? What if she’s felt it over the years? Or worse, what if she fucking knows it and has lived with it all this time?”
“That’s your fear, which might not be the truth.”
I nod.
“And not just fear for your mother, but for yourself.”
I nod again, tasting the salty evidence of that truth pooling on my lips.
“But it’s not your life, Natalie,” he gently reminds me. “You don’t even know if it’s true, and if it is, that’s on them.”
“I hate not knowing.”
“Then you have to ask.”
“Never.” I sniff. “God, I would never. I just have to let it go, and I’m going to, here. Here and now. This is completely destructive and serves no purpose.” I glance up at the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on. “And being with you—”
“You aren’t doing anything wrong.”
“Yes, I am. Even you, Mr. Brutal Honesty, can’t truly deny that.”
He remains quiet because he can’t. I let out a self-deprecating laugh. “Easton, why aren’t you hauling ass in the other direction? Seriously, why are you being so nice to me? Especially after what I just told you?”
“Not sure,” he says as I lift my palm to his chest, and he covers it with his own. “You’re cold.”
“I’ll live,” I say, ripping my eyes away from him so he can’t see the desire begin to blind me. I focus on a seagull who drunkenly lands a few feet away. Where before it was easier to distance myself, it’s now a constant struggle not to touch him more intimately, especially feeling as raw as I do. “So, there’s my sad little tale, which isn’t even mine. Pathetic.”
“You’re bored. You’ve realized it. You followed a trail that piqued your interest, and it led to a little self-discovery. It’s not a fucking crime to realize that you feel you’re lacking in some ways. What would make it a crime is if you didn’t do shit about it. You’re an intelligent woman, and now you know what you want and what you don’t. Figuring it out is all part of it, right?”
“God,” I grin while wiping away the few errant tears gliding down my cheeks. “That pep talk must have been so painful for your A-side.”