“Couldn’t you guys try long distance?”
“That’s what I said, but he says long distance relationships are doomed from the start. We fought all night about all of it. He wants me to stay, wait a year for him and then make a decision together. But I don’t want to wait. I have dreams, I have things I want to do.”
She leaned her cheek down on her own knee so that our eyes were level, scrunching her nose at me with a smile.
“Being around you this summer just made me realize that I want to do the things that make me happy. I want to follow my dreams. And I think in the process of being who I am, and doing what makes me happy, I’ll find a guy who loves me for exactly who I am. A guy who makes me happy, too.”
This time my heart surged with a mixture of pride and awe. I wasn’t sure I’d ever inspired someone before, or that I’d ever thought I even had any kind of notion to inspire. But here was a young girl with her whole life ahead of her and she looked at me as an example of something she wanted to be, not something to avoid. Even though I was divorced. Even though I didn’t have a single thing figured out.
Or maybe I did.
Maybe she was right. Maybe I was strong for leaving, brave for chasing my dreams. Maybe, though my life path was different than I’d ever thought it would be, and different than what the “right” path is in some peoples’ eyes, it was perfect for me. And maybe I could inspire others to find their own happiness, no matter what that may be.
Looking at the genuine admiration on Julie’s face, I knew that last part to be true.
“I bet you and Zeek will work it out,” I finally said. “Just give him a little time to process.”
“I hope so. I love him, Wren. I do. But I love me, too.”
I couldn’t help it, I leaned over and hugged her. There weren’t words to tell her how much her sharing this part of herself with me meant to me.
When we pulled back, a movement at the end of the drive caught my eye and I glanced over, finding Zeek there. He stood with shoulders slumped, hands in his pockets, eyes on where Julie sat beside me. I cleared my throat and nodded toward him and Julie followed my gaze.
She gave me a soft smile before hopping up and trotting down the stairs. I watched her walk to him, his eyes never leaving her, and when they reached each other, they embraced. He pulled her close, whispering in her ear, both of them nodding and Julie’s eyes glittering with unshed tears.
Then they kissed, and that part of my heart reserved for love kicked to life, stirring everything up inside me.
My eyes flitted to Momma Von, and without even having to ask she knew what I was wondering.
Where was Anderson? Had he shown up?
She just offered me a sympathetic smile and shook her head.
I nodded, smiling despite the knot in my throat, and Momma Von held my gaze for a second longer before she announced it was time to eat.
It’s funny how our hearts and minds react to the closing of a chapter in our lives.
We’re happy to have had the experience, and sad to lose it. We’re excited for the next step, yet terrified of what we leave behind.
I’d learned that if a move in life didn’t make you feel like singing and throwing up all at once, it wasn’t big enough.
I’d felt that way when I launched my own professional line after being turned down by designer after designer. I’d felt it even more when I’d left my home, my husband, the life I thought I’d wanted.
But now, packing the last of my bags into my SUV and picking up Rev to hold his tiny body against mine, I felt only a deep and steady sadness. He purred loudly, rubbing his head under my chin with a string of croaky meows. I just giggled and kept petting him until the first person stepped up to say goodbye.
“Well,” Yvette said first. “I’m going to just get this out of the way so I can go cry in peace in my own cabin.”
Everyone chuckled softly as she balanced Benjamin on her hip and leaned in to give me a hug with the other arm. I squeezed her tight, kissing Benjamin’s forehead before Davie stepped up to hug me, too.
Tucker was next, and he made sure to slip me a note with his phone number and made me promise to take him out the next time he made it into the city. Julie and Zeek said their goodbyes next, and I squeezed Julie a little longer than everyone else, telling her without words how much she meant to me.
They all stood back as Ron moved in.
“Any last wise words for me, Ron?” I teased.
He just grunted, but then smiled, pulling me in for a tight hug before stepping back with the others. “Be good, kid.”
“No promises.”
Momma Von already had tears in her eyes and I immediately followed once I saw her. She laughed, smacking my arm. “We’re just a bunch of bawl bags, aren’t we?”
“You started it!”
We hugged, and it was in her embrace that I noticed I was trembling. When she pulled back, hands still on my arms, her eyes softened. “You take care of yourself, okay girl? Not just your health. Your heart, too.”
I bit down hard on my lip, nodding and fighting back the tears. “I will. Thank you, for everything. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”
“Ditto, babe,” she said, winking.
I searched behind her once more, just in case, but there was nobody else left.
And so it was time.
I looked around at all of them again, my heart squeezing like each one of them still had a hand on it. Sniffing, I opened the driver side door and slipped in, still leaving it open as I situated my purse in the front seat and retrieved my sunglasses.
My hands were shaking harder now, stomach turning, and Momma Von’s words came to my mind.
“If you don’t love Anderson, if you feel like you can walk away from him without regretting it, then do it. Take everything you learned from him and all of us out here this summer and go back to your old life. Go find yourself. But if the thought of losing him forever makes you lose your breath, if living without him seems impossible now, then don’t let him go.”
My heart had never beaten so fast, and I shook even harder, breaths erratic as I tried to steady myself. I glanced at my reflection in the rearview before adjusting it away from my eyes and to the back window. But it was too late. I’d seen it.
I couldn’t leave him.
It didn’t matter that it didn’t make sense, or that he had a life here. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t spent what Sarah thought was the appropriate time alone before I’d found Anderson.
It didn’t matter that all the odds were stacked up against us.
I wanted him. I needed him.
And I couldn’t leave him like this.
My hand flew up to cover my mouth, fingers trembling over my lips as it all rushed at me at once. How could I ignore not just the thoughts in my head, but the physical signs my body was giving me? The short answer was that I couldn’t.
And I wouldn’t.