Possession.
And when his nose flared and he took one big step toward me, our chests brushing, his hand reaching out to rest almost imperceptibly on my hip, the anchor in my stomach exploded into flames, burning a desire so fierce I inhaled a toxic breath and didn’t let it go.
“Be careful, okay?” His eyes locked on mine just before he leaned in and swiftly kissed my cheek.
He turned on his heel and jogged down the stairs and past the truck. Sarah called his name, but he didn’t acknowledge her, just kept his gaze forward until he’d disappeared from view.
And then everyone looked at me.
My legs were lead, but I managed to drag them down the steps and into the back of the truck with the girls. The skin on my cheek still tingled as Yvette slid up next to me.
“What was that about?” she whispered as Tucker threw the truck in reverse.
Inside I quivered, but outside I forced a smile and shrugged it off. “He was just dropping off some clothes I’m going to take a look at to repay him for helping around the cabin. No big deal.”
“Ah,” she said, as if she understood, but her puzzled expression told me she had a thousand more questions where the one she’d voiced had come from.
Sarah watched me, too, arms crossed and scowl firmly in place. She eyed the body chain I wore with a quirked brow and I blushed, realizing it might not have been the smartest choice for tubing down the river.
I shifted on the tubes, clearing my throat and unclasping the chain as Tucker finally backed the truck up onto the road. Momma Von pulled in behind us with a few others and everyone started hollering out directions and playful banter.
As the laughter replaced the awkward silence, I relaxed a bit. Excitement started to buzz, and it seemed my exchange with Anderson was forgotten.
At least for the moment.
It didn’t take me long to decide that it didn’t matter if it was thirty or one-hundred degrees outside, the river was too fucking cold.
Period.
Even with the cloudless sky and the sun burning hot, goosebumps had permanently risen on my thighs and arms, and my teeth chattered as we floated along. Tucker had tied our tubes together before we’d gotten in and was helping me navigate, careful to avoid rocks, which I was pretty sure I’d have hit if I were on my own.
The water was freezing and the rocks bumped our butts from time to time, but I was having a blast. Momma Von had packed a cooler full of beer, and it floated down behind us, the water keeping the cans cool as we polished them off one by one.
The views almost made up for the icy water, too. We floated down the clear river between cabins set in the mountains, trees green and tall all around us, the smell of pine thick and fresh. In the distance, the mountains that would be powdered with snow in the winter were bright and green, too. I inhaled a long, slow breath, breathing in what I imagined a new beginning would smell like if it had a scent. It reminded me of the first day on the back porch with Abdiel, that feeling I’d had—like I belonged here.
“I can’t believe I’m floating down the river with Wren Ballard,” Julie said, giggling a little as she let her head rest back against her tube.
Her big, unruly blonde curls were piled in a wiry bun on top of her head and her sunglasses covered half her face. She was one of only two out of the crew without a beer in her hand, the other one being her boyfriend Zeek, who was floating a few tubes behind us.
I’d just met Julie that morning, and I already decided I liked her. She was sassy, just like the teenager she was, but also spoke like a young woman—with poise and thought. She held onto my tube with one hand while the other lazily dripped water on her chest.
“Wait,” I started, head snapping toward her before glancing back at Tucker to see if he was listening. He had his hand hooked to Davie’s tube and they were talking about football, so I focused my attention back on Julie. “You know who I am?”
She lifted her sunglasses from her eyes long enough to give me a pointed look. “Are you kidding? I’m a sixteen-year-old girl who grew up right outside of Seattle, of course I know who you are. I’ve been wearing your clothes since I had boobs big enough to fill them out.”
At that I laughed. “I’ll be damned. I think you’re the only one here who recognizes me.”
“Like that’s a surprise. You’ve seen how everyone dresses in Gold Bar, haven’t you?” She smirked, tapping her toes on the top of the water. She was a tiny thing, feet barely reaching the river from where her knees hooked over the tube. “When Momma Von told me a girl named Wren who was a fashion designer was staying in town, I thought, ‘Nah, there’s no way.’ But then I saw you a couple weeks ago at Yvette’s bonfire and almost died. I had a hard time not fangirling and asking you for your autograph.”
I barked out a laugh. “It’s not worth much.”
“It is to me,” she said, leaning up a little. “I saw you once when I was at the boutique. I’d just walked out of the dressing room and was showing my mom the dress I had on when you popped out from the back. You told me I looked cute and I nearly fainted.”
I shook my head. “That’s crazy! I’m just like you.”
“Maybe, but you’re also a fashion genius. Your clothes are the only ones that make me not look like a boy. My curves are so nonexistent I practically have valleys for tits.”
I chuckled, cheersing my beer in the air. “Welcome to my entire life, sweetie.”
“That’s what I’m saying. You get it. I hope you never stop designing, or I’m going to have to start stuffing my bra.”
She giggled, glancing behind her toward Zeek. They mouthed something to each other and she stuck her tongue out as I watched them, half paying attention and half wondering how many girls I would let down now that I was broken.
I hadn’t sketched anything of worth since I left Keith. Every cell in my body told me I was a failure, that I’d only been successful because I’d been comfortable. Now that my comfort was gone, so was my passion.
I didn’t know if it’d ever come back.
“How long have you two been together?” I asked, choosing to ignore the anxiety planting roots deep in my psyche.
Julie smiled wide, revealing the gap between her two oversized front teeth. She reminded me of one of my favorite models based out of London. “Our five-month anniversary was yesterday.”
I couldn’t help but smile, remembering when time together was measured in months instead of years. Keith and I had been the same way, and I supposed every high school couple was. It was a miracle to survive the drama of football games and illegal drinking and stick it out with just one person in the midst of it all.
“He told me he loved me last night,” she whispered, cheeks pink.
“Did you say it back?”