I pulled back slightly, wrapped my hand completely around his dick, and began slowly jacking him. His hips rocked upward, and a low moan rumbled in his chest. I anchored my free hand around his hips and held him against the bed.
My tongue caressed its way down his taint and then circled around his puckered hole. His legs went stiff, and I licked again, this time fully, completely over his entrance.
My name broke through the silence of the room, and I stroked his cock again. On either side of my head, his legs began to tremble, and I took it as a sign to keep going.
We’d played around back here before; this wasn’t the first time.
But this was the first time I was going full throttle with it, no hesitation, no asking… just straight to the tongue action.
Judging by the way his hand was flexed on the mattress, I would say he approved.
I made a sound, a gruff, satisfied tone, because I wanted him to know I liked this, too. I wasn’t just doing it because I wanted to make him happy.
I did want to make him happy.
But this was also for me. Just like the mark he’d sucked onto my chest. It might be his pleasure right now, but these were my memories. Memories sustained even when pleasure waned.
His body relaxed into my caressing, and I used the tip of my tongue to explore his rim. The nerve endings here were sensitive and easy to please. I was surprised at the amount of full-blown pleasure a man could get from having his ass caressed by a tongue and fingers.
I wouldn’t lie. It certainly made me curious as to what it would feel like to have Trent breach my body. The more I thought about it, the more intimate it seemed. No one had ever been inside me before, not like that.
But I wanted it. I wanted to be inside him, too. I wanted the honor of being the one person on this earth he trusted enough to let inside.
Inside his body. Inside his heart.
Gently, I speared him with my tongue, and he nearly came up off the bed. My laugh was throaty, and his cock jerked in my hand.
“Someone likes that,” I murmured.
“I’m already tortured enough,” he growled. “Finish me.”
I took pity on him and let go of his cock and reached toward the nightstand. The first couple of times, I relied on T to have lube. It took me a while to get used to having it around.
Note: it didn’t take any time at all to understand its pleasure.
But I was past that. I kept some here now, and I pulled it out.
“I’m not ready to finish you. I want more.”
He started to rise up off the bed and grabbed his side.
“Lie back. You can’t be moving around,” I ordered.
He made a rude sound. “Why is it you decide to get all feisty and bold on me when I can’t frickin’ move?”
I tilted my head to the side and pondered the question. “Truth?” I asked, because hadn’t we said we weren’t going to talk about stuff tonight?
His voice was gentle. “Yes, Drew. The truth.”
“Because seeing you on the ground tonight scared the shit out of me. Because seeing someone so strong and brave start to crumble was a giant wake-up call.” I glanced into his eyes and then looked away. More quietly, I said, “Because you’re only giving me tonight.”
This time, he ignored the obvious protest in his body and shoved himself into an upright sitting position. He grabbed the bottle out of my hand and tossed it aside. When his palm cupped the side of my face, I pushed a little closer to it.
“No, Drew. I’m giving you my forever. I’m giving you my heart for my entire lifetime. I’m just not taking that from you.” His thumb stroked over my cheekbone.
My stomach felt hollow, empty, like an arctic wind was blowing through.
“I don’t want you doing things in this bed tonight that you aren’t completely ready for. I don’t want you to be down there because you think it will somehow change my mind.”
“You act like me giving you the same thing, my heart and my body for my entire lifetime, is some kind of… hardship.”
His hand fell away from my face, and I wanted to pull it back. But I couldn’t. I hadn’t even realized the truth behind my words, but they hit me like a bolt of lightning. Why was it okay for him to give me all of himself, but not okay for me to do the same?
“Don’t you think I want that?” he asked. “I want that more than anything on this entire planet.”
“I’m giving it to you and you won’t take it.”
“Because I want you to be safe. I want to protect you.”
Frustration welled up within me.
“What hurts worse right now, your body or your heart?” I asked.
His forehead wrinkled. “What?”
“Your body or your heart?” I asked again.
His shoulders slumped. “I think you know the answer.”
“Well, your heart isn’t hurting from that beating. Your ribs endured a lot to protect what’s beneath it. They cracked under the pressure, but they still held strong. They protected your heart. Seems like the beating they took was for nothing, because for all the sheltering they did, you are pretty fucking intent on pummeling it.”
His face paled.