Renegades (Hotbloods #3)

“What?” he said, making me realize I’d been staring at him for way longer than I’d meant to. Not that I minded staring at him. He was nice to stare at.

“I just… I’m wondering what it might be like to actually take a life. You know… could I do it if I had to? It’s not something I ever thought I’d have to think about,” I said, and even as I spoke, I was hit by a sudden wave of doubt. Could I do it, if such a moment came? I was the kind of girl who had trouble swatting flies and wasps; how would I cope if faced with killing a being so similar to myself?

“It’s not something I ever want you to think about,” Navan replied, taking my face in his hands and planting a firm kiss on my lips. In the safety of the empty armory, I let myself sink into the moment, only for him to pull away a second later. In Vysanthe, there was no such thing as a safe place.

We’d managed to keep the true extent of our relationship a secret from our fellow trainees—Brisha knew about it, but there was no point in everyone and their mother knowing if we could help it—but they were starting to suspect, more and more each day, that there was something amiss between Navan and me. Having someone walk in on us while we were kissing would only fuel their animosity.

“It’s still something I have to consider, Navan,” I said. “What if the day comes when I have no choice but to defend myself… to kill… and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it?” It was something I’d been thinking about more and more recently. Proving myself here in Queen Brisha’s army was a double-edged sword. If I could prove myself, then the queen would deem me useful and very possibly send me out in the field. If I didn’t prove myself, then I had failed, and shown just how weak and vulnerable my species was. It wasn’t exactly a simple situation.

Navan scowled. “We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it. Right now, all you have to focus on is getting through training, okay?”

“And you’ll take it easier on the hero front?” I asked, nudging him in the shoulder.

He sighed. “If you want me to back off, I’ll back off, but if you want me to help, I’m here,” he said, brushing strands of my hair behind my ears.

“Okay, deal,” I said.

I was still desperate for a shower, but the loud growl of my stomach took precedence. I hadn’t eaten for hours, and we’d already agreed to meet Angie, Lauren, and Bashrik for a late lunch.

“I suppose we should get going,” I murmured, stretching out my tired arms. “Wish I had time for a shower first, though. I feel gross.”

At the mention of the word “shower,” Navan dropped his gaze, running an awkward hand through his short dark hair. My cheeks flushed too, as I remembered just how close we’d come to taking things to the next level, over a week ago. Before we’d even reached the bathroom, where the enticing promise of a hot shower had beckoned, we’d fallen onto the sofa, tangled up in one another, making out like our lives depended on it. It had gotten pretty heated by the time I finally suggested that we continue things under the tumbling water. He’d scooped me up like I weighed nothing and carried me across the room—only for the devastating sound of a knock at the door to interrupt us.

A moment later, Bashrik had burst into the room, coming to find out where Navan had run off to, since there were things that still needed to be discussed, brother to brother. Seeing me in Navan’s arms, he’d immediately announced his disapproval, though I suspected that was more out of embarrassment than true condemnation. Bickering between the brothers had followed, with Bashrik insisting that we were taking too much of a risk by allowing ourselves to be an item here, and the moment had been ruined. Since then, we hadn’t really had the chance to pick things back up where they’d left off, with the brutal training regime, the early starts, and the unexpected calls to additional sessions.

“Well, you don’t look gross,” Navan said, breaking the silence. Smirking, he dipped his head and caught my lips in his once more, though his eyes flicked cautiously to the door. After the arguments Bashrik had made, and the cold stares of the other trainees, I was beginning to worry Northern Vysanthe wasn’t quite as liberal as I’d hoped when it came to interspecies relationships.

Once we drew apart, I took my fur coat from the locker and we left the training room, the oddly sweet taste of his kiss still lingering on my lips. Coldbloods definitely didn’t sweat the same way humans did.

The hallways were silent as we headed through the now-familiar network of corridors that formed the training center. It was a large, silver-domed building, the majority of it built into the rock of the mountain range that nestled behind Nessun, the capital city of Northern Vysanthe. As we hurried out of the main exit, the biting wind nipped at my cheeks, prompting me to pull the coat tighter around my face. Even though the sun was high in the sky, it did nothing to warm the world below.

I shuddered, breaking into a jog. My eyes were fixed on the palace up ahead, on its three gleaming minarets standing proud, on the crystals and rubies that adorned it flashing in the sunlight. Even after more than a week in Nessun, I still hadn’t gotten used to the striking building, with the twisting statues of male and female coldbloods seeming to dance off the very sides of the palace walls. It might not have been as exquisite as Gianne’s, but it was darn close in my opinion. The gardens were my favorite part of the palace, with their frozen water features, beautiful blooms, and delicate trees, and though I could just about see them from the apartment I shared with Navan, I sadly hadn’t had the chance to visit them properly since training had begun.

We reached the relative warmth of the palace and headed toward one of the smaller dayrooms, where we’d arranged to have lunch and discuss what we were going to do about Orion and his cruel provisos. I had let training distract my mind from falling to pieces at the potential consequences of failure. If we couldn’t deliver the intel the rebel leader wanted, he would kill my parents and other innocent humans. A chill coursed through me, fueling my fear and rage. As much as I hated the idea of sending Orion information that could make him stronger, I couldn’t let the alternative happen.