“You know you could just stop staring at her and breakdown and go talk to her,” Sabre says, sitting down at my table.
We’re in the compound. Beth, Katie, and a few of the club girls are in the corner planning Katie’s bachelorette party along with Briar’s old lady. In the past few days, Beth has settled in and made a place for herself here in the club in ways I never thought she would. We haven’t talked since that day in the hall, not really. A few words here and there when I get Gabby or bring her back, but that’s it. She asked me if I had any progress on finding Matthew and Colin. I lied. I know exactly where Matthew is. I could pick him up today. I’m fucking stalling getting revenge because that would make Beth’s leaving one step closer. I don’t want her here and I don’t want her to leave.
Jesus, I’m fucked up.
“When I need your advice on women, I’ll ask for it, hermano.”
“Seems to me you need someone’s.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll have Matthew taken care of this week. Once we get Colin, Beth will no longer be here.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Totalmente,” I tell him, and I’m mostly telling the truth.
“When are we making the move on Donahue?”
My heart speeds up in rhythm. Do I keep putting it off? What is that really helping? This is done, right? I hear Beth’s laugh ring out and I feel this phantom pain inside of me.
“Tomorrow morning. Call the boys in. We’ll have church tonight and plan. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”
“I can do that,” he says and leans back in his chair, tilting it so it’s hung in the air as if in mid-rock, studying me.
When I get tired of him staring, I finally kick my foot out, causing the chair to scoot. He flails around a moment, looking ridiculous, before getting it back under control. Fucker.
“Out with it and then shut the fuck up,” I growl, taking the last drink of my vodka.
“You’re a fucking prick, you know that?”
I shrug. I’m an even bigger one since discovering Beth is breathing, so I can’t really argue and I don’t really give a fuck anyway.
“I was noticing that Dr. Torres left rather quickly this morning,” he says and I frown into my glass, now empty of alcohol.
The ice clinks as I slam it down. “So?”
“Is it over?”
“It’s been over for a while.”
“She’s here almost every other night,” Sabre responds.
“Not for that. What are you being such a fucking busybody for, anyway? You want to tap it? I thought Annie had your dick sewn up, hermano.”
“Fuck you. Annie is all I need. I’m just saying if you’re so confused about Beth that you’re giving Teena the shove, maybe you ought to get your head out of your ass.”
“I gave Teena the shove way before Beth was back in the picture.”
“So you consider her in the picture now?”
“Fuck no. I’m just saying Teena has nothing to do with Beth. Christo! Are we seriously talking about this shit? Next thing I know, you’ll be asking me to make your cut pink.”
“Fuck off. I’m just saying if you want Beth back, you better start figuring out how to make that happen instead of pushing her farther away.”
“When I want your advice, I’ll ask for it. Besides there’s too much shit between us. Looking at her some days is hard enough. I sure as hell don’t want to talk to her.”
“So fuck her. Sex can work out a hell of a lot of anger.”
“Fuck no! Women are too much fucking trouble. I think I’ll stick to my hand,” I tell him, grabbing the bottle on the table and pouring more into my glass.
“Funny how you decided on your hand and not a club whore. I mean, they’re free, they have no strings. Seems to me a warm pussy is better than a calloused hand any fucking day of the week. Take my advice, Skull. If a woman has grabbed more than your dick, don’t let it go easily,” he says, getting up.
I let him leave without responding. When I want him to be my fucking therapist, I’ll tell him. It doesn’t matter if he is right. The thought of sinking between the legs of any woman right now leaves my cock as limp as if I just took a swim in an ice pond in the Arctic.
Any woman besides Beth.
Motherfucker.
“If you stare at him any harder, your tongue will be hanging out,” Briar’s old lady, Stephanie Sakal, says. Everyone calls her Sacks. I don’t know why and I’m kind of afraid to ask. I like her though. Her and Briar have just got together. Love at first sight. He literally saw her walking on the street, picked her up, put her on the back of his bike and then claimed her. I’m learning these Devil’s Blaze men move hard and fast when it comes to women. Too bad I picked the one who didn’t have staying power. Again, my eyes go to Skull, who is sitting over there talking to Sabre.
“He’s planning something,” I say mostly to myself.