For the longest time, she just sat there watching me, saying nothing. Her wide eyes, filled with tears, stared unblinking. Then, without warning, she jumped up and hauled me to my feet.
But before she could say or do anything, I wrapped my arms around her. She fought me, tried to pull away, but I held tight and crushed her close. I had to hold my breath to tamp down the howl building inside. I wanted to give her hope. To lie and offer comforting platitudes just to ease her pain. She’d never done a damn thing wrong, and yet she was getting the brunt of all this. She’d be the one left behind. I would just be…gone.
I’d had to leave her once, but the thing that made it bearable was knowing that she was out there, living her life. If she hadn’t been, if I’d lost her so completely, I wasn’t sure I could have survived it.
But Sam was strong. So much stronger than I was. Stronger than I could ever be.
I kissed her head and rested my chin for a minute before pulling away. “Hey.”
She avoided my gaze by keeping her head down. The blue was gone now, replaced by a fiery red. Anger. Good. I’d always said anger was easier to deal with. It could keep you going. Motivate you in all the ways sadness failed. It wasn’t healthy, but in time I hoped she’d get over it.
I lifted her chin. The whole thing sucked. It was unfair and cruel in a way even the demon couldn’t reconcile. But she could mourn me later. After she was safe. “Sammy, listen to me, okay? We have to go. We need to figure out where Heckle sent us and get to the Dandus Preserve.”
“How,” she asked, her head shaking slowly. “How can you just accept this? Give in and keep going like… I can’t believe you’re willing to give—”
“It is what it is. Do you think I wanted to leave you?” I gripped the sides of her face. “Rick told me that you were my North Star. He said it when I was a kid, and he said it the night I left Harlow. That no matter where I ended up in the world, I’d always find my way back to you somehow because you were home. And he was right. If I had a choice, Sammy, I would marry you. I would spend the rest of my days making sure you knew exactly how fucking amazing you are. My only goal in life would be to see you happy.” I let my hands fall away. “But there’s no choice here. The hand’s been dealt, and no one is going to reshuffle the deck. But I’ll be damned if I leave this world with your fate hanging in the air.”
…
As it turned out, we were lucky. Though with Heckle involved, it probably had nothing to do with luck. We’d landed only four blocks from the Dandus Preserve. The Bastard of Balance had sent us here for a reason—I’d bet my dick it wasn’t for our benefit. I was beginning to see why both heaven and hell alike hated Heckle. He was a selfish shit with an agenda all his own.
Sam had been quiet on the walk over. We’d met right after her parents died, and I’d never forget seeing her emotions as bleak as they were then. I could barely make her out through the swirling blue cloud. For months she was overcome by it. There was sadness now, but it was different somehow. Resigned and determined. She was either handling this amazingly well—or she was in denial.
We managed to get past the gate at Dandus just as they were locking up. The place was quiet, probably due to being off-season, so it’d been easy to slip by unseen. “Van said the stone was in a cave.”
“An underwater cave,” Sam corrected. She sighed and pointed to the trail map a few yards down the path. She picked up a pamphlet and shook it open. “First things first. Need to find the water. She made it seem like it was part of Dandus, so there has to be some mention of it in here.”
As she skimmed the paper, I scanned the area. So far so good. The last of the cars had left the lot, and there didn’t appear to be night security of any kind. Since we weren’t technically breaking and entering, I figured we should be safe.
“Here’s something.” Sam held the paper up to the fading light. “The Quartz Grotto is located at the edge of the property. ‘A long forgotten grotto with walls of white quartz…is said to have purification powers. The only known one of its kind, the grotto boasts an expansive series of tunnels leading in from a small entrance beneath the water.’”
“Looks like we’re going for a swim.”
…
Sam stood at the water’s edge and waited while I pulled off my boots. Another spasm rolled through me, and I was thankful she wasn’t looking. I wouldn’t have been able to hide this one.
It won’t be long now…
I know.
To Sam, I said, “You ready for this?”
She dipped her toe into the water, and a shiver that I knew had nothing to do with the temperature racked her body. “I don’t know if I can do it.”
I held out my hand. “You can. I won’t let go.”
She didn’t take it. “I don’t mean the water.” She sighed. “I mean, I do, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”