He pulled back a little. “You’re certain, my girl?”
My skin glowed, the brown shining until it looked like dark gold. My breath shook as I smoothed down the light blue robes, running shaking fingers over embroidered threads of every color for luck, for wealth, for love, for babies. Everything was in place—everything was just as I had imagined it—but I felt like the shed skin of a snake, still holding shape but hollow inside.
And yet, I could give no other answer. I nodded.
He touched my chin to urge me to stand straighter, and I did. His hands rested on my shoulders as he looked me over. Father’s eyes came back to my face, and his lips curled into a small smile as he gave me a single, solemn nod.
Mother placed a gauzy cloth in my father’s hands. He bowed over the gift, and she bowed back to him, then came forward and kissed him as he stood straight.
He smiled at her, and I wondered if my husband would look at me like that. If he could ever love me without knowing me first, choosing me and not my father’s position, my brother’s head, my people’s pride.
My father held back the tent flap, and my mother nudged me forward. Outside my tent, the whole clan was assembled, waiting for me.
I shut my eyes for a moment before I greeted them. I could do this. This was for them. This was for my people, my family, my clan.
And that would give me strength.
The sun hadn’t risen yet, but it was close, the sky flush with wanting for the light. Caught in the half world between night and day, my family came forward to bless me. The women murmured behind us, speaking words to the Great Skies, calling down blessings to me as the men of the clan filed in behind the women.
The women parted, and my breath caught. In the light of day, Rian’s dark skin was paler than I’d ever seen it from the years of living outside the desert’s unrelenting sun, and his hair was cut in a strange, short style.
My oldest brother gave me a lopsided grin. “Kata ruined my surprise, didn’t she?” Rian said, coming to wrap his arms around me.
I pressed my head into his shoulder, hugging him tight. “I knew, but that didn’t ruin it,” I told him. “I’m so happy to see you.”
He pulled back. “I wouldn’t miss this day, Shy.”
“Even if I’m marrying him?” I lifted my eyes to his.
The grin fell a little, and he kissed my temple. “You don’t have to do this,” he told me softly.
I met his eyes and squared my shoulders. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you want,” I told him. “But I want to do this.”
He sighed, hugging me again. “Don’t be sorry,” he said. “Be happy.”
I sniffed, letting go of him. He kissed my cheek once more and stepped back.
Rian held up a red thread knotted with gold coins. It was heavy as he placed it around my neck, and I looked at the coins, staring at the foreign seal printed on the face. They were Trifectate coins, and tomorrow, when I left the desert to go live in my husband’s country, they would be my currency. My brother’s strange and hidden life in another country would now be my future.
He kissed my cheek. “For wealth, little sister. That you never want for anything.”
“Will you stand with me?” I asked.
“I don’t think that will endear you to your husband, Shy. As little as I like giving up my right as the eldest, I think my presence would only remind him of the Resistance, not peace.”
“At least you’re here,” I murmured, squeezing him.
Cael gave a solemn look to Rian as he stepped up to me. “Even though Rian can’t be there, you won’t stand alone,” he told me. He showed me a white-and-black thread woven together. “You are desert born, and you will never be alone.”
Aiden was next, giving me a blue thread knotted around a mountain cat tooth. “For ferocity,” he said, pinching my nose. “Show them what the heart of the desert truly is.”
Kairos took my hand. Osmost, his hawk that was always on his shoulder, sprang up at this, shrieking into the sky. Kairos held my hand and tied the light blue thread around my wrist. “Keep your secrets,” he said with a flash of his bright smile. “A woman needs secrets.”
My two little siblings were next, Catryn and Gavan standing together. They presented one thread, tied around a small purse. “I made the thread, and he made the purse,” Cat explained. She put it around my neck.
“It’s full of seeds,” Gavan said. “In case they don’t feed you.”
“So you never go hungry,” Catryn corrected.
Gavan shrugged. “Same thing.”
They stepped aside, and the rest of the clan came forward, stringing threads over my neck. The women began to sing, a low keening cry.
As each thread was placed over my neck, I was struck by the weight of the threads that weren’t there. The cousins who had died fighting back the Trifectate. The women and children who had starved when we couldn’t find food without our best hunters. Our numbers had dwindled, and yet the spirits of those we’d lost pressed close upon me, clinging to my skin like the smell of burning bodies on the sand.
I carried death into my marriage.
Kata was last, never part of the clan, but she came to me and squeezed my hands and kissed both of my cheeks. “I have to stay hidden,” she reminded me. “But my heart is with you.”
I nodded and hugged her tight. She let me go and gave me one last, sad look before going to stand by Rian.
By the time the clan was done, it was nearly time. My neck was heavy, and everyone stepped back from me.
The sun was coming up over the dune, and I faced the entrance to the city as it did. Standing before my clan, I was the first thing the light touched, and as it hit my face, the singing rose. The sunlight and the sound filled up the hollow space inside me, and I shut my eyes, trying to trap it there, trying to hold the power and peace of the desert within me always.
My father came forward with the cloth, laying it on my shoulders and wrapping it lightly around my head. “The next man who sees your face will be yours forever,” he told me.
And then we began to walk. The women behind me broke down the tents and packed them in our quick, efficient way, but from then on, I was not allowed to look back. I was not allowed to stop.
Instead I moved forward, feeling the sand filter through my sandals, rushing over my feet, urging me onward.
Peace wasn’t a thing that came swift and easy. Peace took courage and faith, and I had those. I would make my family proud, and through my wedding I would protect them for once. For always.
Charlatan
When we came to the break, my father went first, leading us into the city as Osmost took to the air. The long staircase was dark after the unending, unshadowed light in the desert, and it took a disorienting moment to adjust.
In the darkness, I thought of the night before, sneaking down to the lake that called to Kata.
I wondered if I would miss the sand as she did the water.
The sunlight broke on us at the end of the stairs, and we walked out into the wide avenue of Jitra’s stone-carved dwellings.