Listening to Sivo and Perla arguing, with Luna saying so very little and looking as stunned as I felt at Sivo’s suggestion that she depart with me—his logic had begun to sink in.
Those soldiers would come back, and next time, she would be here. It couldn’t be assumed they wouldn’t harm her. Not after seeing what had happened to Dagne. They had an affinity for killing.
And yet doubts assailed me. I had committed to taking a blind girl with me to Allu. Aside from the fact that no one around me ever lived for long, it was madness, no matter how adept she was at handling herself. I didn’t want to take a girl with sight, much less one without.
The thought crossed my mind long after Perla took Luna to pack for the journey—I could slip away without a word. While they slept, I could simply leave. Skulk away like a thief in the night. A bitter taste coated my mouth at the cowardly image.
I lifted my mug to my lips, taking a long swig of the hot tea that Sivo had prepared after Perla and Luna left the room.
Sivo’s voice wove over the room. “You know I can only let her go because I trust you.”
In a flash of clarity I realized that’s why I agreed. My throat tightened and I drank again, trying to loosen my windpipe. This man looked at me as though I was an honorable person. Someone to be trusted. It had been a long time since anyone looked at me that way. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want it.
I sent him a glance and then looked away, his stare too penetrating.
“There’s something in you,” he said.
I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the old man’s gaze. I didn’t know what he could see in me except failure. That’s all I was, something broken.
I took another drink, calling myself every kind of fool. Luna was not my second chance.
I faced him. “I thought you were letting her go because you don’t have any other choice.”
He gazed at me long and hard. Luna’s and Perla’s voices carried from the bedchamber. He turned in the direction of that room, and I studied his profile as he listened to them. Orange firelight flickered over his face, doing little to soften the craggy features.
He dipped his chin and closed his eyes for a long moment, as though he were absorbing the sound, taking it inside himself and imprinting it into memory. “There is that, too,” he acknowledged.
I leaned forward, draping my arms loosely on my knees. “Staying here . . . you will die.”
It had to be said. There was no “if” about it. No doubt. The tower was no longer a secret. Luna wasn’t the only one in danger. Once the soldiers reported to the king and he decided what to do—they would return. And Sivo, Perla, and Madoc wouldn’t be spared. At best, they would be turned out. At worst, they’d be dealt with in the same manner as Dagne.
“I know.”
“Then why stay?” My voice took on an edge.
“Because Perla can’t survive out there. And there’s the boy now, too. He’s not fit to travel.” Sivo ran a hand down the length of his beard, fingers delving into the pepper-dusted ginger strands. “You’ve given me your word. You’re strong. You know how to survive on the Outside. Luna’s smart. She might lack sight but she makes up for it in other areas. She might even be of help to you.”
“I can believe that.”
“She’s special, Fowler.” It was the first time he said my name. His gaze captured mine and held.
I nodded, flexing my hands around my mug.
“No,” he bit out, leaning forward in his chair. “You think you understand me, that it’s the love of a father talking, but I mean it. She’s different. A day may come . . .” His voice faded and I could tell he warred with himself about whether he wanted to say something more.
Shaking his head, he dropped back in his chair, turning his attention to the nest of flames in the hearth. He looked almost mesmerized by the dance of fire as he uttered, “Time will reveal all.”
I followed his gaze to the flames, wondering what he saw there that I did not.
His earlier admission that he worked in the palace surprised me. I would have inquired more about that, but I didn’t need him asking me his own set of questions.
“The darkness cannot last,” he added. “Light will come again.”
I stifled my grunt. In my experience, it was the believers who usually ended up dead.
“I don’t hold out much hope for that.”
“Hope is all there is. All we have. And love. Or what’s the point of any of it?” He was looking toward the bedchamber where Perla and Luna had disappeared.
I inhaled, the breath lifting my chest, thinking how those two things were the most dangerous of all. Even more dangerous than the king’s men. Even more deadly than hungry dwellers outside. I had never been my weakest as when I allowed love and hope into my heart.
I would never do so again.
THIRTEEN
Luna