He certainly had the desire, and he was very willing to practice.
So he lowered his mouth to hers, something gentle, careful, but she grabbed him, guiding him to the hot center of her.
Okay, careful evaporated. He took her bottom lip between his teeth, scraping as he braced himself on one elbow and closed his hand over her breast, brushing his thumb back and forth across her nipple until she made that squeaking noise again…and then he slid inside her and kissed her as she moaned.
He felt like he was being swallowed alive by something he’d never truly understand. Everything about being inside of her, everything about her under him, everything…
“Honey. Mel,” he corrected. Even though she reminded him of the jar of honey he’d bought off that roadside stand on a whim. Warm and smooth, a decadent sweetness brought on by a whole hell of a lot of work.
Her fingertips dug into the backs of his shoulders, her body arching to take him deeper.
He’d ignore the little flicker of an idea that this was somehow different than his norm. That every feeling, every sensation coiled deeper, stronger, longer than it ever had. That this wasn’t just a physical thing, or even just a vague affection-type deal. Something about being with Mel was…
More.
He did not want that. So he focused on her underneath him. The way her palms were rough, but the skin of her arms was smooth. The way the breath of her sigh drifted across his ear like a whisper. A secret just between them. The tight, wet heat of her as he entered and withdrew, keeping his own release at bay as best he could.
Something changed. He had no idea what. Suddenly she was tense, and when he glanced down at her face, she had her eyes squeezed tight like she was bracing herself for a hit she couldn’t avoid.
He stopped, still inside her, trying to figure out what kind of mistake he’d made, what cue he’d misread. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, eyes still squeezed tight. “Nothing.”
“Nothing my ass. What is it?”
“Nothing. Really. This is great. I just…can’t. Or something. I don’t know. It’s me.” She made a waving gesture with her hand. “You go ahead and finish.”
It took him a few seconds to get through the shock of I just can’t in this context, and to see past it. “Um, no.”
“No, really, it’s fine. This was great. I just can’t.”
She still had her eyes all screwed shut, and this was…what the hell? No, he was not going to accept that. “Mel, open your eyes.”
She shook her head emphatically. “It’s too embarrassing.”
“Oh, honey.” He brushed the hair off her forehead, fingertips lingering on her cheek when she just barely opened one eye. “You know what you have to do?”
The other eye squinted open. “If I knew, I wouldn’t have this problem.”
“You’re going to have to let go.”
Her eyebrows drew together, truly perplexed, maybe a little irritated. “Let go of what?”
But it seemed pretty obvious to him. She carried everything, every second of every day, on her back like a million individual weights. Clouding up her mind, her heart. Even when she wasn’t thinking about it, it was there.
Which meant there was only one answer to her question. “Everything.”
Chapter 12
She could only gape at him. Let go of everything? What did that even mean? She was here, wasn’t she? Ignoring all her responsibilities and saying “screw you” to the people she was supposed to be watching over? He was inside her.
This was letting go. Orgasming was like that mystery llama—she had no idea where that would even come from. And she’d probably never find out. She thought she’d been so close. The way he’d touched her, kissed her, the way he’d explored her…it was like nothing she’d ever experienced.
Feeling him, taking him, it had been everything she’d hoped for, and she’d been so close. But something about that moment just before letting go…it was like every other time. She tensed, she froze, and she just knew…it wasn’t going to happen.
“Look, I… I just don’t think this is going to happen, okay? You should at least get something out of the deal.” Because she wasn’t selfish enough to walk away. He’d tried, so he deserved a reward.
“Something out of the… Look, Mel, you don’t get something out of the deal, neither do I. Those are the rules.”
She moved up onto her elbows and glared at him. “There are no sex rules.”
“There are. A whole book of them. Dan Sharpe’s Rules for Sex. Rule number one: her first.”
“I can’t,” she replied through gritted teeth. She refused to be amused by him. This wasn’t funny. He was still inside her! He just needed to understand this was her issue. End of story. And she wasn’t going to lay here under him and talk about it.