My eyes snapped open; darkness prevailed. I was panting. My heart beat too fast. With crystal clarity, the images from my dream played over and over in my mind.… Blood, guns, Jakhua, my brother, Anri, my sister, Zoya crying, her hand reaching for me to save her … but I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t save any of them.
My stomach lurched and I fought back vomit. I wanted to move. I wanted to dive off the bed and scream. I wanted to rip someone apart. Rip Jakhua apart like he ripped apart my family. I squeezed my eyes shut as my numb body refused to move. My mind held me prisoner as it replayed their deaths in my head. I could see it so clearly. I could smell the tinny smell of fresh blood, the smoke from the rapid gunfire. And I could see the lifeless open eyes of my parents, and Grandmama. I could see the tiny lapsed bodies of my baby brother and sister strewn on the bloodied floor. And I could see Zoya’s tiny hand peeking out from below my grandmama. But I couldn’t see her face.
And Anri. I could see every part of his face, identical to mine.
My stomach knotted so hard I thought I’d never breathe again, the crack in my soul so great I thought it would never heal. Before I had no feeling, no memories of my past. But now? Now I was feeling everything, every loss, every horror in my mind. Every memory was a dagger in my body, one I couldn’t remove.
Tears were pouring from my eyes. An ache, so painful it stole my breath, ripped through my body. More memories poured into my mind—the necklace, my brother, Anri. Fuck! Anri, him holding my hand.
I looked down at my hand. It still felt so real. I could still feel Anri’s fingers squeezing, telling me, “Dzlieri. Be strong. Keep strong.”
More tears fell. When I saw the horror I felt reflected in his eyes, his dark eyes, dark eyes like Zoya’s, Zoya who had died, my little Zoya, crying my name and reaching for my hand until the very end.
I couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t take this wave after wave of agony that crushed my soul. I wanted the images to stop. I wanted my family’s pain to stop.
I wanted it all to fucking stop!
My body tensing and pain convulsing my chest, I turned toward Talia. I knew she was beside me, her hand lay on my stomach.
I focused on that hand. I focused on the warmth seeping into my skin.
I wasn’t alone. No longer alone. I had Talia. I had Talia in my heart.
Hearing her soft breathing, I rolled onto my side, my eyes blurring through a mist of tears. I lay on my arm, just watching her sleep. I could see her sleeping form lit by the dull light from her bedside table lamp. She knew I hated the dark. She knew it without me having to tell her it. I blinked away my tears and focused on her long golden hair, on her pink mouth parted by sleep. I squeezed my eyes shut as another stab of pain sliced my heart.
I reached out and laid my hand on hers. I wanted her to wake. I needed her hand on my face. I needed her mouth on mine, I needed her to wrap her arms around my waist.
I gripped her hand, but still she slept on. My eyes wandered over her body. My chest clenched with how much I wanted her. She was beautiful. So fucking beautiful.
My gaze drifted down her neck to her chest and her tits. Then I stilled, my eyes wide as my gaze met the gold necklace around her neck. I gasped for air as I recalled my papa handing similar ones to Anri and I. He wanted us to restore the clan’s reputation, to make the Kostavas great once more.…
Papa stood, and with a hand on each shoulder, asked, “Who will you destroy?”
We took a deep breath, and recited the three names we knew by heart; “The Volkovs, Tolstois, and Durovs.” My blood rushed like fire through my veins. The necklaces we were given were gold, the pendent showing our family crest.
I stared at Talia’s necklace, it looked exactly the same. Breath held, I leaned forward and studied the pendent. There was a crest. My pulse pounded as I made out the emblem—a wolf, a shield, and then I stopped dead when my eyes read the family name engraved along the top.
Breathe, breathe, I told myself, but I couldn’t breathe. Releasing Talia’s hand, my fists clenched at my sides.
It couldn’t be. She can’t be. No!