“For this.” Jamie reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and takes out something small and round and shiny. I don’t give myself time to look at it properly. I’m instantly panicked. Terrified. I screw my eyes shut, trying to back away from him.
“Oh, no, you fucking don’t.” He winds an arm around my waist, holding onto me tight, stopping me in my tracks. “What the hell d’you think you’re doing, missy?”
“God, Jamie. Not now. I don’t—I can’t even—” I can’t even think straight right now, but Jamie won’t let me finish my sentence. He places a finger over my lips, cutting me off.
“Open your eyes, silly girl.”
“I don’t want to.” I’ve just ridden a motorcycle across three states. My whole life is in turmoil, upside down and inside out, and I feel like I’m about to really lose it. I can’t open my eyes. If I do, I’ll see what he’s holding in his hand, and I won’t be able to take it. It’ll be too much, too overwhelming, too scary, and I’ll end up doing something stupid.
Jamie presses his lips against my forehead, his mouth hot and pliable as he kisses me gently. “Yes, you can. You’ve done much harder things. You survived being kidnapped. You made it through three days at my father’s house. You’ve lived with a biker gang for the past six months. You defended yourself against a man who wanted to do you harm, and you helped me bury him. All of those things were harder than this.”
I shake my head, still trying to wriggle free of his grasp. “Jamie, this—I can’t do this now. It’s not the right time.”
“That’s my point. There won’t ever be a good time.” He sighs heavily. His grip loosens, releasing me ever so slightly, but I can tell he doesn’t want to. “Please, Soph. Don’t run away from this. You can see what I have in my hand and you can listen to what I have to say, and you can shoot me down if you like. Or you can do the opposite. But don’t just fucking run away from it. I know you better than that. You’re going to feel shitty if you don’t deal with this.”
He’s right. I will feel shitty, I know I will, but that doesn’t stop my heart from pounding away like a jackhammer inside my chest. My head feels like it’s too full, so much pressure building inside it, and I don’t know what to do. It’s as though it could explode at any moment. Slowly, cautiously, I open my eyes. I make sure to look up at him—that feels safe enough, though it really isn’t. When I see him and the open, hopeful look on his face, I know I won’t be able to escape this.
“I’m not going to get down on one knee, sugar, and I was born in Louisiana. I was taught there was a proper way to do this kind of thing, so you should know how much it pains me to shirk tradition. But I know it’s not what you want.
“So this is just me telling you that I want you to be my wife. Asking you if you would do me the greatest of honors. I want to be your husband. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life.” He blows out a deep breath, both his eyebrows rising up his forehead. “You know, I thought when I got out of the army, the hell I’d been living through was over. Shitty thing was, it had only just begun. The moment Laura went missing, everything got so fucked up. I never for a second thought something like this would happen.”
“Something like this?”
“Something huge. Something special. Something important. I didn’t want to love you, Soph. Fuck, I did everything I could to try and prevent that from happening, but this thing between us was out of control before I even saw it coming. I didn’t stand a chance. And neither did you. You can’t fucking deny it.”
I can’t deny it. I’d like to. It would be so convenient to tell him he’s wrong, and while I do love him, I don’t think we’re in that place yet. The trouble is, I know we are in that place. I could marry him tomorrow and it would feel so right. The mere thought of him calling me his wife makes my insides feel like they’re on fire, my veins racing with adrenalin. But the way things are right now…I don’t know. It would be dangerous to commit to a promise like this.
“Tell me what you’re thinking?” He rests his forehead against mine, his eyes only a few inches away, his lips so close I can almost feel them on me. “I can’t tell you how all of your concerns are pointless and invalid if you won’t tell me what they are.”
“I only have one,” I whisper.
“Say it.”