"Well that was ominous," Saskia mutters, following him out of the room before heading to her office.
I don't smile at her comment. My mind is on the job. I haven't faced a real assignment in months, and I'm edgy without the adrenaline high. Retiring into a security job at 30 feels like a waste of my talents. I miss hunting a target, learning a man's weaknesses, and preparing to spill his blood. My job has never been like Zivkovic's, and I refused to take jobs that involved killing women or children. Well, most women anyway. Killers like Minka and Saskia were fair game. Equals in every way but a woman like Darla or her sister shouldn't be targets.
There is no challenge in taking a life so easily ripped away. I have no respect for Zivkovic or the man who hired him. They're the kinds of targets I enjoy destroying. The hunt is officially on.
4
~~~
Darla
My Sweet Lies Keep Me Safe
Doctor Parker turns up the air conditioning unit in her office before returning to her seat. I mumble a thank you while adjusting the heavy sweatshirt over my D cups. I've never been quite comfortable with my body. My breasts are too big, my hips too wide, my butt too "baby, got back." Shelley never minded her curvaceous figure, and she tried to teach me to love my body.
"Girls with straight hair want curls. Girls with curly hair want it straight. Big butt girls want a tiny ass, and tiny assed girls wish they had more junk in the trunks. No one is ever happy, so ignore those negative thoughts and be happy with whatever you have."
My optimistic sister gave me the confidence to model swimsuits and work at boat shows. Nothing impressive, but the money gave me security. Then Locke snatched everything away.
"How is your diet going?" Doctor Parker asks me.
"Good. I haven't put on any weight, but it's bound to happen."
"Do you truly believe he will leave you alone if you put on weight?"
"No, but it gives me something to do."
Doctor Parker smiles slightly, but she's only humoring me. I make her nervous, which is fine. The last doctor, her husband, made me nervous. All men make me nervous. Men are strong. Women are weak. Rose was weak, and I don't know if I can ever stop being her.
"You have new security," Doctor Parker says, stating the obvious as usual.
"Her name is Minka."
I think of my security detail in the waiting room. Minka is beautiful and confident, but not like I once was. There's nothing bubble gum about her dark eyes and hair. She's exotic and deadly. I have no doubt she knows all kinds of martial arts moves and could karate chop me square in the face before I knew she moved.
"I like her," I mumble. "She's nice."
"You're moving to a new location."
"Yes."
"How do you feel about that?"
"I feel like I got a man killed two nights ago. I don't really care what my new address will be."
"The retired officer wasn't murdered by you. His life was ended by the same people who harmed you."
"That's nice, but the cop would never have been in the position to be shot if I hadn't run away from Locke."
"If people allowed criminals to do whatever they want, we'd need no police officers, but this wouldn't be a rational response to crime."
"Huh?"
"You can't blame yourself for not wanting to be a victim of crime. Locke is a criminal. The retired officer was killed by Locke, not you. Only one person should take re-sponsibility for that death."
"I'm ruining my sister's life. Since I've been back, she spends most of her time worrying about me. She drives me around because I'm too spaced out to drive myself. She worries over my every meal. Am I sleeping enough or too much? She has two children, and I'm like a third. As if that wasn't bad enough, her house is now partially destroyed by a killer sent to take me back. I'm a plague, destroying everything I touch. Locke infected me, and now I spread his evil to the ones I love."
Doctor Parker scribbles something on her notepad. Watching her, I take a book from the shelf and use it to fan myself. I feel safer wrapped in lots of clothes. Even hot as hell, I prefer the false sense of security.
"Have you suffered any dark thoughts about how the world would be better off without you?" she asks, turning up the air conditioner again.
I shake my head, knowing if I admit otherwise that I might end up in a 48-hour hold at the local psych ward. I won't share how many times I've considered ending my life. If I weren't so cowardly, I'd have done it like the first Rose.
"When I think negative thoughts about running away from here and hiding from everyone, I know I couldn't do that to my sister."
"But you never think of hurting yourself."
"I survived for nine months. I don't want to die now that I'm free."
Doctor Parker nods, but I don't know if she believes me. We've had these sessions twice a week since I arrived in Houston, and her face is rarely readable.
"I want to give you a few exercises to do before we meet next."