“Help what? Help make me stay in the bathroom all day, praying to the porcelain gods?”
“Okay, now you’re just being an asshole. I’ll have you know that is a very healthy shake that’s recommended by naturalists everywhere.”
“Were these naturalists sadists?”
“I’m ignoring you now, son.” Ida Sue says, walking over and putting a fresh bowl of cereal in front of Cyan.
“Why does Cyan get more cereal and I get the milkshake from the Exorcist?”
“If you must know, he doesn’t have a problem.”
“A problem?” I ask, wondering if I can reach over and swipe the cereal away to eat without Mom catching me.
“Am I going to have to spell it out for you, White Hall?”
“Gee, Mom. I really wish you would because I’m kind of lost.”
“Fine. Cyan doesn’t have a problem performing.”
“Performing?”
“Performing, dear. His little soldiers are always lined up and ready to go.”
“Oh, no,” Kayla whispers, dropping her head to the table. The room goes quiet as everyone stops to listen to Ida Sue. “White,” Kayla starts, and I know she wants me to end this conversation, fast.
“You think my soldiers aren’t ready to go with Kayla?” I bark out, and maybe a little too loud because I can see Kayla wince out of the corner of my eye.
“Apparently not, dear. That’s what the shake is for. Cyan doesn’t need the help. If anything his soldiers over perform.”
“Thank you for noticing, Mom,” Cyan says, doing a bad job of hiding his amusement. Blue is flat-out laughing too. I’m going to kill them both later.
“You’re welcome, son. Now eat your cereal.”
“I’ll have you know, my soldiers are just fine. They’re more than ready to go,” I grumble.
“Whatever you say, White Hall. Now drink your shake.”
“I’m telling you, they’re fine. Why would you think they weren’t ready to go?”
“It was way too quiet in your room last night.”
“You listened?” I growl, and it almost drowns out Kayla squeaking the same words.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, son. It happens. Why, even Jansen used to have some problems before I started making sure he had plenty of pumpkin seeds around. Now he’s probably the rowdiest man around.”
“Jesus, lovey,” Jansen growls.
“You are, Jansen. You should be proud of that. Why, I’m practically buying a bushel of peaches a day just to keep up with you.”
“Peaches?” Kayla squeaks, looking at her half-gone shake in fear.
Ida Sue pats her on the shoulder. “Peaches, dear. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t leave you out. Peaches increase the blood flow with their vitamin C.”
“Blood flow?”
“Yes, and that means you’ll get turned on faster.”
“Oh, God,” Kayla whispers, but for some reason that makes me want to laugh—or go out and buy a peach orchard.
“Exactly, dear. It will help get you primed. That way, my White doesn’t have to do all the work,” she says calmly. Kayla looks around the room. I’m not sure if she’s looking for alcohol to put in her peach drink, or an exit. An exit might be the best option.
“Mom, I think you’ve gone too far.”
“Really, White Hall? Then why was there no action coming from your room last night? It’s a sad day when one of my sons can’t manage to do his duty with his woman.”
Blue and Cyan are laughing like little girls in school. I’m definitely going to wear my fists out on their faces later. Kayla looks up at me, and she might be bright pink with embarrassment, but the smile on her face, even as she’s desperate to get us out of this conversation, soothes me.
“Thanks for worrying, Mom. But I can assure you that my soldiers and I are raring to go. Kayla just didn’t feel comfortable and was quiet. She was afraid someone would hear us.”
“White!” Kayla cries, and I grin.
“Hear you? Why would anyone be listening to you two? That’s just silly,” she dismisses and I have to bite my tongue from pointing out that she obviously was listening last night.
“Let’s just let it drop, Mom. Kayla and I are good.”
“Fine, son. If you aren’t going to have your shake, at least have some watermelon,” she says, putting a large bowl of cut melon in front of me. I’m unsure what watermelon is supposed to do, but at least I know it will taste okay. I look over at Kayla and shrug. Ida Sue sits a bowl of melon in front of her too.
“Here you go, Buttercup,” she says loudly and then bends down between us. She drops her voice down a tone or two, but it’s still plenty loud enough for everyone to hear—especially Blue, who is right beside us. “Don’t worry. Watermelon is like nature’s Viagra.”
Kayla nearly chokes—suddenly looking at the watermelon in her hand as if it has grown three heads. Me? I may never look at watermelon the same again. I plop a whole piece in my mouth and leer at Kayla. I’m foreseeing becoming addicted to watermelon.
CHAPTER 35
KAYLA
"Oh, no. Stay away from me, White Hall," I order White when he comes out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel and a smile.