"I doubt that. You didn't get to—"
"Come. Yeah, I know. But I got to make you come. I got to give you pleasure. I made you lose control, didn't I, Buttercup?"
"You know you did," she whispers, looking down at the sheets.
"Look at me, Kayla." She slowly brings her face back to me. "Has it ever been any better for you?" I ask. I need her to admit it hasn't. Somewhere inside I'm worried she'll say it wasn't. That's a fucking fear I've never had in my life before. This woman is wrapping me in so many knots, I'm wondering if I'll ever straighten them out.
"No," she says, and she manages to keep her eyes on mine. A fine blush heats her skin. She's wearing another one of my t-shirts, one that has my team logo on it. I didn't even know she had it here. It went missing and I just never cared enough to wonder where it was. I don't want it back. I want her wearing it to bed when I'm not here. I want her wearing nothing but me when I am. I want Kayla in so many different fucking ways, I should be scared. But… I'm not.
"Then we're going to keep doing what we're doing. And Kayla, just so we're clear, we're going to be doing it often."
"You don't want a child, White. Maybe I should call Bl—"
"So help me God, if you mention my brother’s name, you will be forcing me to kill him."
"White!"
"Now that I've had a taste of you Kayla, you can cross my brother—hell, any of my fucking brothers—off your list. In fact, you can cross off any other fucking man’s name, except mine."
"You're being bossy. Not to mention, being an ass."
"I don't care. I just want to make sure we're clear here."
"Should I remind you that you slept with my sister?"
"Not like you're thinking, and you can damn well bet it will never happen again."
"I'd like to go to sleep now," she says, her face pale, and I know I'm not dealing with this well, but I can't stop my mouth. I take a breath and try to get myself under control.
"Then go to sleep," I tell her, not moving.
"Don't you think you should… you know, go to your apartment?"
"No. I think I should stay here and hold you tonight."
"You don't spend the night with women, remember? You always said it gives them the wrong idea."
"That doesn't apply in this case."
"Oh," she whispers, and I'm silently begging her to ask me why, but she doesn't. She settles back down in the bed, being very careful not to touch me. That's not going to work. I wait until she gets settled. Then I turn to my side and pull her back into me.
"White?"
"Shh… Go to sleep, honey. It's all going to work out," I assure her, pushing up against her ass so she feels the hard edge of my cock. I'm not going to get a bit of sleep tonight. But it's a fucking good kind of torture. Let's just hope I can stay sane until after this damn doctor’s appointment.
CHAPTER 21
KAYLA
There’s a moment in your life when you are faced with decisions and there are two very clear paths to take. It’s just that the reasons to take each path aren’t quite as clear. The reasons are muddied with outside factors that leave you unsure of which direction to take. That’s where I’m at: facing two different paths and afraid to move.
White is offering me something I have wanted my whole life. To get it, I have to ignore certain things, like he doesn’t love me, or that he doesn’t share the same overall goals and views of life as I do. I could choose to just forge ahead, take what he’s offering me, and enjoy the ride. So much of me wants to do that.
But what kind of person does that make me? How selfish am I if I allow the man I love, the man who has always been my anchor in life, to give me what I want when he doesn’t want the same? If I was strong enough, I would end this. White keeps fighting me when I get the courage to push him away though. Admittedly, I’m not trying really hard. When you have wanted something for so long, it’s hard to let it go. Especially when reality is about a gazillion times better than the fantasy.
So don’t judge me too harshly when this morning, waking up in my bed with White’s arms around me, I make a decision I’ll probably regret. A decision I know is the wrong one, but I just don’t care.
I grab my cell phone and sneak into the bathroom. I close the door and wince because the clicking noise of the lock connecting seems unusually loud. I take a breath, battling my nerves, then dial the phone.
“Women’s Center for Health and Care. Good morning. How can I help you today?”
“Appointments please,” I half-say and half-whisper into the phone.
“Scheduling desk, this is Julie,” I hear the familiar voice over the phone.
“Julie, this is Kayla Graham. I need to try and get in to see Dr. Mason this week.”
“Kayla! Good to hear your voice. Is there something going on? We have an appointment that just canceled if it’s urgent.”