“We really should—”
“Bye, White,” I say, not giving him time to talk anymore and hanging up. I stare at the phone in my hand for a few more minutes. I hung up on White. It feels wrong. It feels… like the end of an era, and I guess it is. I’m going to marry Tommy Haynes. Things have to change.
I keep repeating that all the way to work. Somehow, it doesn’t help.
CHAPTER 2
WHITE
“Who are you screaming at in here? You’re interrupting my and Jansen’s morning devotional,” my mom Ida Sue says, coming in from outside. She’s buttoning up her shirt as she walks, and from the look of the straw in her hair, they were having “fun time” in the barn again. Jesus.
I really should just go back home to Dallas. Kayla and I both live there. Our apartments are actually in the same complex on the edge of the city. Mom’s is actually about three hours West. I started to stay home to recover, but everywhere I turned was a reminder that I wouldn’t be out on the field. I wouldn’t hear the roar of the crowd, or the wind rush from me when being sacked on the fifty-yard line. I wouldn’t be able to feel the exhilaration of making it all the way to the end zone.
Football is in my blood. It always has been. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. Being home in Dallas and being denied what makes me whole was horrible, so I came back home to recuperate. At least my mom and Jansen have stopped having sex on the kitchen table. The one time I saw that, I thought I was going to have to gouge my eyes out.
“Kayla’s getting married,” I tell her.
“Oh, she told you. That’s good.”
“What?? You knew about this?”
“Dear, Kayla is here more than you are. She’s family.”
“Then why didn’t you stop her? She doesn’t love that asshole.”
“Maybe not. But she wants a child,” Mom points out, and the words settle in my stomach like lead.
“She doesn’t have to get married to have a baby, Mom.”
“Probably not, but Kayla’s a good girl. She’s not about to let someone she doesn’t know and trust just dip his wick in. That narrowed down her possibilities. That left you, Tommy, and little Mason who brings her groceries out at that store she shops at. And, well, he’s a little young, dear.”
“Jesus, Mom.”
“I’m just telling you like I see it. She would have talked to you about it, but you’ve made it clear how much you are against marriage and kids in general. She needed to talk to someone more open.”
“Meaning you.”
“Well, she is like one of my daughters.”
“Which is exactly why you should have talked her out of this. Or at least out of marrying Tommy. That’s crazy. She shouldn’t have to get married to have a kid.”
“Maybe not. Tommy is many things, but he’s not a fool.”
“What does that mean?”
“He’s not going to be stupid enough to let Kayla get away. If she wants a baby, he’ll make sure he ties her to him and then give her one.”
“Kayla will be miserable with him mom.”
“Probably. But sweetie, Kayla is painfully shy. She doesn’t even know her own worth. She sees this as her opportunity to have her own family and she wants it. I’ve made my own share of crazy decisions and look how they turned out. It will work out in the end.”
“It won’t work out if she ruins her life!”
“I don’t know what to tell you. Unless you plan on stepping up and offering to be her baby daddy, let it go. It’s Kayla’s mistake to make.”
“I’m not having kids, Mom. I saw what that shit did to Green. There’s no way in Hell I’m going to get myself in that kind of mess.”
“Green’s taste in women is to blame for that. That she-bitch from Hell he was married to was proof of that and Cynthia is just a boil on the ass of humanity. A good woman is nothing like that. A good woman nurtures a man, makes him stronger.”
“Amen to that,” Jansen says, picking that moment to come inside. He slaps my mom’s ass, then pulls her to his side. “What are we talking about?”
“Kayla deciding to marry Tommy.”
“Jesus, does everyone but me know about it?”
“Pretty much. I’ve got to say, I wasn’t crazy about the idea either. I was hoping you might offer to help her out,” Jansen responds.
“Kayla and I aren’t like that. We’re buddies,” I deny immediately. “I just care about her. I don’t want to see her ruin her life like this.”
“And you’ve never once choked your chicken thinking about her?” Ida Sue asks.
“Oh hell, I’m not talking about whacking off with my Mom.”
“Why on Earth not? It’s not like I haven’t walked in your room and caught you getting to know Pamela Hand-erson up close and personal—and more than once, I might add.”
“I can’t for the life of me figure out how I ever thought coming home was the best thing to do right now.”