“Yeah, that’s about what I figured,” he says sitting down on the bed beside me. His hand moves over the side of my face. His thumb is against my skin and his eyes look troubled.
“Are you okay?” I question him, wishing I had the magic words that would fix, not only this but go all the way back and fix everything for him. I don’t though, and I hate the helpless feeling that I have because of it.
“I’m sorry about today, Kitten. I’ve been stupid thinking I have it all under control. I think having you, made me forget who I am, what I’ve done. I’ve been living in a dream world.”
His words are scaring me. They sound so…defeated. Worse it sounds like he’s regretting me, and that hurts. “Max…”
“Tess, I’m going to leave. Marcum and the boys are going to make sure you’re sorted out with the police. I want them to know that you were never a willing participant in anything. I’ll make sure you’re protected, and then you can go back to your life.”
Tears well up in my eyes. My heart cries out no. “Max, I can…”
He bends down and kisses me, stopping my words. Tears are falling, unchecked, from my eyes, and he tries drying them with the pad of his thumb, but they are coming too often.
“Shhh…Tess, it will be okay. We knew from the beginning this was a short ride, it’s just somewhere along the way you made me dream of more. It takes a special woman, Kitten, to make a man who is dead inside, dream.”
How can such a beautiful compliment tear your heart right out of your chest? I wrap my arms around his neck, to bring him closer to me, the tears running unchecked. “Don’t do this, Max. Don’t do this.”
His hand wraps in my hair, but it’s different. There’s nothing sexual about the way he’s holding me. “I’m sorry, Kitten. I’m so damn sorry to have ever gotten you mixed up in this.”
His words hurt and anger me at the same time, but I’m scared. I love Max. It wasn’t supposed to end like this…it wasn’t supposed to end. That’s where the anger comes in. I’m mad at the situation, I’m mad at how quickly things change, and most of all I’m really mad that Max can just let me go so easily.
“You’re overreacting. We’ll go to Aruba early. We’ll get lost overseas, Max. We can do it all still, we just need to get out of town!” I tell him, and I sound panicked. I know it. I can’t let him leave me behind. I don’t want him to leave me.
He stops my words with a kiss. A sweet, intense kiss unlike any we’ve ever had before. It also tastes of goodbye. I claw at his shirt, trying to rip it from him. My tongue goes on the attack, and I do my best to own his mouth. I am the aggressor now. Max pulls me away, and there is sadness in his eyes.
“Stop, Tess.”
“Is it so easy? So easy to push me away? To get rid of me…”
“Damn it, Tess!”
“Nothing has changed, Max! Nothing! I’m still here. You are! We just need to leave!”
“I am leaving!”
“Together!” I yell back at him, and he stands up, moving away from me.
“I got you shot, Tess! If that bullet had hit just an inch over…”
“It didn’t! You didn’t shoot at me! They did!”
“Because of me! You shouldn’t have been in this situation! I put you there. I turned you into a target.”
“So this it? It’s over? Why did you even ask me to go with you? Why…”
“Because I wanted you! Damn it, Tess! I wanted you!”
It feels like a knife in the heart. His words bring the final death knell. Wanted. That’s the difference. I love, Max. He wanted me. I’ve been living in this intense dream world that Max has woven around me. I let myself become a part of it and build this fairytale. I did it subconsciously even while feeling like it was all going to go wrong. I let myself believe. I let myself fall in love with someone I never should have.
“I’m so fucking stupid,” I murmur to myself.
“Tess…”
I turn to the side; away from him. His voice hurts me; his face hurts me. Right now, everything about Max hurts.
“I’m going to take a nap; I’m not feeling so well.”
It’s not a lie—not even a little bit.
“Damn it, Tess…”
I don’t answer him. There’s no movement, no sound in the room. I close my eyes, trying my best to close everything out.
In a few minutes, I hear the door to the room close. Then and only then, do I give in to the tears that have yet to fall. I cried some in front of, Max. These are nothing like that. These are rivers of tears. A torrential downfall and each one is yanked, ripped and torn from my very soul.
I’m so fucking, stupid.
31
Max
“Who the fuck is the mole?” I yell punching my fist down on the table. If I weren’t Marcum’s flesh and blood, he’d have my ass, and he’d be within his right to do it. I can’t help it. All I can remember is Tess’s face and the pain staring back at me in those green eyes of hers.
“Cool it, Dawg,” Dusty says, and I barely resist the urge to tell him to fuck off.