Ryder didn’t know what to do with his arms because he folded them across his chest, and then dropped them to his sides before folding them back across his chest. His obvious nervousness at seeing me made me feel less nervous about seeing him, and I was glad for it.
“Sorry for just droppin’ in unannounced,” I said, and gnawed on my lower lip.
Ryder shook his head. “No, no, it’s more than fine. It’s great actually. Really, really great.”
“Ry,” Alec said, and when I looked at him I saw him trying not to laugh. “You need to calm down.”
“Calm? I am calm.”
He so wasn’t.
Ryder cleared his throat then, and scanned me from head to toe. “You look gorgeous, darling.”
I felt my cheeks heat up as I looked down at my plain white t-shirt, black leggings, and grey slip on shoes. I was makeup free, and my hair was in a high ponytail. I mostly definitely did not look gorgeous, in fact, I felt like a hot mess.
“I wore this stuff to bed last night,” I said and scratched the back of my neck. “I wasn’t plannin’ on comin’ here, but then Alec had a talk with me, and here I am.”
Ryder looked at Alec, and when I saw the gratitude in his eyes for his brother, a lump formed in my throat. “Thanks, bro,” he said.
Alec winked. “Just doing my part. I’ll catch both of you later, okay?”
Before any of us could respond, Alec was out of the house, and closed the front door behind him. Ryder and I were standing in the kitchen a couple of metres away from one another, and for some reason, I felt anxious.
“It’s good to see you,” I said nonchalantly.
Ryder blinked. “It is?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve missed you, Ry.”
His chest puffed up a bit.
“I’ve missed you, baby. A hell of a lot.”
My lip twitched. “That much, huh?”
“Even more,” he stressed. “A heaven and a hell of a lot.”
I smiled then, and without warning Ryder crossed the space between us, cupped my face in his hands and stared down at me with his eyes glazed over.
“Honey,” I breathed. “What’s wrong?”
“You don’t hate me,” he whispered.
I lifted my hands and placed them on his waist.
“No,” I said firmly, “I don’t.”
“I can see it in your smile,” he murmured, “and the way you were just looking at me.”
I gave him a little squeeze. “I’ve never hated you, hon. I was very angry with you, but hate was never an emotion that was directed at you, just about how you made me feel.”
“Was angry, meaning you aren’t anymore?”
I shook my head. “I’m more confused than anything. One minute I’m furious with you for lettin’ everythin’ run on so long without talkin’ to me, then the next I’m so understandin’ of the situation you were in and I get why you bottled it up and kept it a secret from me. My indecisiveness is drivin’ me insane.”
“But you’re here… why?” he quizzed. “I mean I’m so glad you’re here, but… why?”
I licked my lips. “Alec talked with me, and he was right, I have to believe in you, in us.”
“And do you?” he asked, his voice now raspy. “Do you believe in us? In me?”
“Yeah, I do,” I said with a firm nod. “I just won’t be able to pick up where we left off. I think we should just ease back into everythin’. In time my worries, my fear, and my doubts will fade away if we do this at a slow pace.”
“Yes,” Ryder rasped. “Anything to have you as mine again.”
“I’ll always be yours.”
“And I’ll always be yours, sweetness.”
Sweetness.
Hearing the term of endearment I loved so much caught my breath, and caused my heart to skip a beat.
“You’re you again,” I whispered. “I thought this Ryder would never come back to me.”
“I never left, babe,” he breathed, his skin flushed. “I thought I was protecting you by blocking you out, but now I see the damage I’ve caused. I’ve broken your heart, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. I am so sorry, sweetheart. So fucking sorry.”
“You can mend it,” I said, my voice tight with emotion. “You can make me heart forget about everythin’ and just revolve around you once more. I know you can.”
Ryder leaned down to kiss me, but I was hesitant.
“What if kissin’ leads to somethin’ more?” I questioned. “Is it too soon for it?”
“For someone who wants to be swept away, you sure ask for a lot of directions.”
I frowned. “I’m sorry, I’m tryin’.”
Ryder gave me a small smile. “I know, darling. Just let it happen, you don’t need to have control of this. Just feel.”
Just feel.
“I’m… I’m scared.” I whispered. “What if it’s not the same as before?”
Ryder stepped closer to me and whispered, “What if it’s better?”
My heart fluttered. “What if it’s too much?”
“Too much?” Ryder repeated. “Branna, it’s never enough. I can never get enough of you. Do you understand that? I’m addicted to you.”
I sucked in a deep breath, and locked my knees together when my legs began to tremble.
“Everything about you is alluring to me.” Ryder continued. “Your face, your body, your smile, your voice, your laugh, your hair, your scent, your personality. Fucking hell, sweetness, you’re it for me. You have been since I laid my eyes on you five years ago.”