I nodded against the marble my head rested on. “Yeah, I needed that.”
He snickered as he withdrew from me, but said nothing further as I heard him bin the condom I didn’t even know he put on. When he stepped away from me, a draft spread out over my behind and legs causing me to shiver. I straightened myself up and pulled my knickers and shorts up whilst doing so. I made sure not to look up into the mirror because I didn’t want to see what Ryder was doing, but I mainly didn’t want him to see the tears that filled my eyes.
I hated that I was getting upset. I didn’t want to cry anymore.
“I’ve to head out for the day,” he hesitantly said, “but can we do this again tonight?”
I blinked as I turned on the taps and pumped some soap onto my hands, washing them just to give me something to do.
“Where are you goin’?” I asked, although I knew I wouldn’t receive an honest answer.
Ryder cleared his throat and moved behind me, snaking his hands around my waist, and lowering his lips to my bare shoulder. “Just out, nowhere important.”
I tried not to focus on his touch, because it was about to open the dam in my eyes.
“Oh, I see.” I murmured.
Ryder moved his face to the side of my neck and rubbed his nose against the tender flesh of my sweet spot, then placed a kiss beneath my ear, directly on said spot. The action caused my tears to splash onto my cheeks, and a sob to get suck in my throat. He used to always kiss me there right before he told me he loved me.
The ‘I love you’ never came.
“So,” Ryder prompted, gaining my attention. “Can we have sex again tonight? I want to touch you some more.”
Or you want to come some more.
“Yeah, we can have sex again,” I replied, my voice as emotionless as a robot’s.
Having sex with him only hurt me more, but any form of touching him was better than nothing. Even though we were having serious problems, I still craved him.
Ryder gave me a squeeze. “Great, I’ll be counting down the hours until I’m home.”
My lower lip quivered. “Me too, Ry.”
He kissed the back of head, gave my behind a little tap then he practically skipped out of the bathroom and headed into our bedroom to dress.
“I’m getting a shower now,” I called out as tears streamed down my cheeks.
“Okay, babe, I’ll be gone by the time you’re out.” He shouted back.
I covered my nose and mouth with my hand to lessen the noise of my sniffles. I turned on the shower and after a moment, I stripped bare and stepped under the hot stream. I pressed my back against the cool tiles, and slowly slid down the wall until I was crumbled mess on the shower floor.
This is what I had become. This was what Ryder had unknowingly done to me.
He broke my heart.
He broke me.
Present day…
You know the feeling of when you just wake up, before your eyes open, and you’re aware of everything happening around you whilst still being in a barely conscious state? That was what I was currently experiencing.
For a few moments, I didn’t try to move or open my eyes. I couldn’t think rationally yet, but there was a distinct pain in my chest and a churn in my gut that told me something wasn’t right. It was a feeling I couldn’t quite explain.
When my limbs involuntarily twitched, a sharp physical pain rocked through me, and out of nowhere, my head began to pound as if someone was using it as a drum. I made a small whining sound that drew entirely too much energy from me.
Slowly, I opened my eyes and was surprised to find everything was still pitch black. I blinked my lids a couple of times, but nothing changed. For a second, I thought it was the middle of the night, but when I lifted my head from where my chin was resting on my chest and felt the strain of fabric covering my eyes, I knew it wasn’t. I figured it was my bed cover over my face even though, logically, I knew I would feel the cover on every part of my face if that were the case instead of just on my eyes.
I knew then that something was definitely wrong, but I didn’t know what it was as my memory didn’t have any recollection of anything for me to be scared of. My worries were pushed to the side when a fierce pain in my neck suddenly took focus. I slowly rolled my head onto my shoulders and winced when it cracked. I didn’t like how restricted and tight my muscles felt. My head was very heavy, like a weight that I didn’t have the strength to hold up.
I rolled my neck around in a circle to soothe the pain and it was then that I noticed I could do it easily without a pillow stopping me. Almost instantly I knew that I wasn’t lying down on my bed. In fact, I wasn’t lying down at all. I was in an upright sitting position on a hard chair if the ache in my legs and behind were anything to go by.
There was an unholy creak in my neck from when my head hung downwards in my sleep. I didn’t understand it. Never in my life had I fallen asleep sitting upright, and I didn’t have any reminiscence of sitting on a chair and dozing off in the first place.