Violet went through some horrific torture at the hands of the winter queen. I had seen some of it in our dream sharing. But, in moments like this, with pain and fear shining in those pale eyes, I saw the true depth of her scars.
I wasn’t sure if I should touch her or not, but my arms ached with the need to comfort her. “It’s okay, Vi. You don’t have to come. I would never expect you to go back there again. You have spent enough time in that world.”
She fell silent, wrapping her arms around herself while she looked down at her feet. A pure sort of fury ripped through me. This was what abuse did. It crushed strong and vibrant people into quivering shells. The winter queen did this! She broke the light within my most cherished friend. She would do that to all of my people if I let her, her and the Dark Fae Lord. They would break them all down, crush their souls and spirits. I could never let that happen.
I looked up at the Red Queen and gave her a tight smile. “Thank you. I agree with you, this is the best plan. I must take her out before she has a chance to bring her plan to fruition. Before she has a chance to harm any more of my people.”
I would never let them touch my city. My mecca. My shifters. I was going to kill them both. I didn’t take murder lightly, but I had to do this for my people. To save us all. Violet shifted her gaze from her feet to the ocean, arms still wrapped around herself. As soon as we got out of here, we were going to have that long conversation. It was time for her to share the burden.
I turned back to the Red Queen. “Thank you for your advice. We must go now. I have an assassination to plan.”
Her face was smooth again, but dark shadows slithered across her eyes. I found myself asking, “Are you happy here?”
Some of the passivity faded from her face; she blinked rapidly as if trying to compose herself again. “I thought I would be. To live forever, even if in this state, but…” She let the sentence linger and I nodded.
“If I can find a way to free you … to set your soul free, I will.” I didn’t love her. I didn’t know her well enough to love her, but she was my biological mother. And she had done more than I realized for me in my life. She had loved me in her own weird way.
She looked taken aback, an expression I had never seen on her face before. I marveled at how different she appeared to be … less robotic … less cold. Maybe being stuck here had given her time to reflect on who she was. It was a shame our people couldn’t have seen some of her warmer side.
Sucking in a deep breath for fortitude, I turned to Violet. “It’s time to go home, Vi.”
She pulled her gaze from the ocean, returning from whatever horror was holding her captive in her mind. Her eyes were shadowed and haunted, but she didn’t hesitate to reach out and touch me. When her hand came around my forearm, we were pulled back into the mecca crystal room.
Without a word, Violet turned and walked away from the stone, disappearing out into the library room. I followed her.
“Violet,” I said, but she continued walking fast toward the door. “Violet!” I shouted this time. She paused, her back rigid as her shoulders shook. Finally she turned to face me, tears spilling down her cheeks.
My heart was aching so hard it felt like someone had punched my chest in. “Tell me,” I begged her.
She bit her bottom lip and stared at me, those tears still silently tracing her porcelain cheeks. When her breathing turned into ragged gasps, I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms. She collapsed against me, her body shaking so hard I almost couldn’t keep her upright. Our energy crashed together, but for once neither of us cared.
“I still see it in my head,” she said in a broken whisper. “Every time I close my eyes, I have to relive the days I spent in the Otherworld.”
I rubbed her back gently, pulling away so I could lead her to two high-backed armchairs. When we were sitting, facing each other, I reached out and grasped her hands. “You don’t have to talk about it, Vi, but … I’m here, and it might help. Maybe part of the reason you’re being haunted is because you’re holding it all inside. Pretending it didn’t happen.”
She swallowed hard, stray tears still sprinkling her eyelashes. “I thought if I just acted normal, then eventually I would feel normal. And to a certain degree that has worked. I’m genuinely happy with Nikoli, happy when I’m around you and Kade, and all your overabundance of love. But … at night, I can’t escape. I’ve barely slept since we got back.”
I waited, sensing she had more to say. Her next words came out in a big rush.
“The winter queen tortured me, which was fine. The physical cruelty barely even bothered me. I have a high tolerance for pain, as you well know.” Her breath caught in her throat as she choked out the next part. “But, it wasn’t just physical torture. She’s an expert at the psychological too. She got in my head…” A ragged whisper of words: “You, and Blaine, and Winnie … you died, over and over again, in a different way every day. Nothing I did could ever save you. There was no way for me to tell it wasn’t real. I had to live it, it was … I also died a million times, holding your bodies in my arms.”
Oh, holy gods. If I had to live through Calista, Violet, Winnie, or Kade’s death even once, I would have lost my mind. Ben and Derek’s deaths had almost broken me, and they were not quite the same level as the other four. I had no idea how she had stayed so strong for so long. But I had even more respect and love for her.
I moved forward to pull her closer, wanting to reassure her that I was here, but she put out a hand to stop me. “By the end, when you came to rescue me, I couldn’t tell what was real anymore. The only thing which kept my mind from shattering completely, was my one goal of preventing her from taking your fae essence.”
Tears were splashing down my cheeks as I witnessed my friend crack into a million pieces. All of her broken parts were out in the open now, the pain she held inside her heart finally revealed.
“I wish I could take all of that away from you,” I said, my words husky with emotion. “I would have taken your place if I could. You should have never had to go through that.” She had protected me, almost at the cost of her own sanity. “I love you,” I choked out. “And I am not going to let her win. I will destroy the winter queen.”
Violet’s sobs were loud and violent, and in a move I did not expect, she leaned forward and wrapped me tightly in her arms. “I love you, too. I would take the torture again if it meant you were safe … that you had the power which was rightfully yours.”
I pressed myself into her shoulder, absorbing the strength of her magic, relishing her heart beating so strongly. This was a rare thing, to be hugged so tightly by her. I was going to take every second of it I could get. “I will always come for you. Always,” I told her.
Violet nodded into my shoulder and pulled away, wiping her eyes. We sat in our chairs, staring at each other for a few long moments.
Then she smiled at me, and for a second it felt like everything was right in the world.