Tore shot me a sly side grin. “Cute. Let’s go.”
I dipped my last piece of bacon into maple syrup and popped it into my mouth. Then I laced up my winter boots and threw on my white puffy marshmallow jacket. I met Tore on the porch, where he was staring calmly at the beautiful mountainside.
“It’s amazing here,” I said.
He spun around to look at me. Instead of hurrying to break eye contact like he usually did, he just stared into my eyes. “Yes. It is.”
My heart knocked up a few notches. I couldn’t help but remember what he’d said back in the Washington complex, about how every time he looked at me, he was filled with regret. Was he feeling that way now? Or had we finally moved past his guilt issues? I didn’t want to be the first one to speak, to break the moment if we were having one. But if there was any chance we could get over this enormous hurdle, I wanted it to happen sooner than later. I was more into Tore than I wanted to admit, and I wanted things to be less weird between us.
I really, really wanted that.
After an eternity, Tore looked away. His eyes focused somewhere out on the mountain, so he appeared to be talking to the trees when he said, “I want you to know something.”
I didn’t respond, didn’t even breathe for fear of spooking him. After a long pause, he pulled his eyes away from the mountain and looked at me again. “I want you to know that I’m here because I want to be, not just because I took an oath.”
I released the breath I had been holding. For Tore, that admission was on par with saying ‘I’m totally into you.’ Or, at a minimum, ‘Sorry I’ve been such a giant jerk face.’ My stomach fluttered, and my heart turned a dozen cartwheels in my chest before I took another breath and strategized my next move. I knew I needed to make a joke so the seriousness of this moment wouldn’t send Tore back into the jerk-zone, and I hoped he’d open up with me more if I didn’t push him on this one.
I shrugged and threw him an easy out. “I’ll be honest, Protector. I’m totally only here because I have to be.” Then I waited to see if my calm had worked.
It did. Tore gave a full belly laugh, evoking a hidden dimple I hadn’t noticed in his left cheek. “You’re funny, you know that?”
“I’ve been called worse,” I teased. Tore led the way down the stairs, a smile on his perfect face. I followed, practically skipping after him. This was the lightest my energy had felt in days. It radiated pink and white, reflecting my joy at having just had a very normal conversation with my very ornery protector. As we progressed through the snow-covered woods, I shot him a question. “Hey, why do you hide your energy? Is it so you won’t be tracked?”
He chuckled. “That’s one reason. Another is that I knew when I was assigned to protect you, you’d be able to read my energy. The last thing I wanted to do was be an open book.”
“Nothing wrong with being open.” I shrugged.
He climbed atop a huge boulder and reached out to help me over. Warmth radiated in my belly the moment I grabbed his hand. He must have felt something too, because his face closed off. He dropped my hand the minute he’d pulled me up.
“I don’t have the sunniest energy,” he muttered. “I guess I didn’t want you to see that and judge me.”
He’d been right to hide his energy—not because I would ever judge him, but because I was a fixer. If I saw someone hurting, I wanted to make them better. Since I’d met Tore, I’d begun to understand why—I was the freaking offspring of the Goddess of Healing. How could I not want to fix everyone?
“I would never judge you,” I said honestly. “Things happen. We all have our demons.”
“Some more than most.” A shadowy look crossed his features. Tore was careful to keep his guard close, but the more he let me in, the more I liked what I saw. Sometimes the guys with the toughest shells were the softest inside.
“Can I ask you something else?” I queried.
He just looked back at me with a raised eyebrow.
“I think I know the answer but . . . my dad. I don’t have one right? I mean not a living one?” I felt so vulnerable having to ask, but it had been on my mind for weeks.
Tore’s face fell, a lock of golden hair falling in front of his eyes. “Oh, Allie, I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before. Your dad was a warrior. He died protecting the Alf?dr.”
“Oh.” The trees swam out of focus as tears pooled in my eyes. “I’d kind of hoped he was alive and, I don’t know, wanted to see me or something.”
Snow crunched beneath Tore’s boots as he stepped closer to take my hands in his. “From what I understand, he was killed when your mom was near the end of her pregnancy.”
My heart sank. Gran hadn’t been lying—she’d told me my dad died before I was born. I’d never even gotten to meet him.
Tore squeezed my hands. “There was a skirmish in Svartalfheim. Your dad’s unit was sent to the dark realm to support one of our ground teams. A splinter group of dark elves broke off and opened a portal to Asgard—they wanted to get to the Alf?dr. Your dad followed them, and he saved the Alf?dr’s life.”
I closed my eyes. “But he died in the process,” I whispered.
“No.” There was an edge to Tore’s voice. “He died after the Alf?dr was secure. Nott killed him.”
My eyes flew open. “Nott?” How was one goddess responsible for so much loss?
“Apparently, the splinter group was made up of night elves. Nott jumped through the portal, and when her soldiers failed to kill the Alf?dr, she personally took out the warriors that stood in their way. By then, the Alf?dr had been evacuated and was locked away in a safe location. But his warriors . . .” Tore trailed off.
“Didn’t make it. Got it.” I dug the toe of my boot into the snow.
“I’m sorry, Allie. I know this is hard.” Tore studied me through thick lashes. His hair spilled out from under his beanie, hitting his shoulders in a tangled blond mop. He still kept his energy on lockdown, but the concern in his gaze was unnerving. It felt like he could see every spark of my pain.
“Whatever, it’s fine,” I lied. I dropped Tore’s hands, then turned on one heel and walked further into the forest. The loss of contact sent an ache through my centers. Stupid centers.
“It’s not fine.” Tore’s boots crunched behind me. “Losing a parent is Hel. But I promise we will make this right. We will get revenge on Nott and all who stand with her.”
“How are we going to do that?” I walked past a grove of loopy trees—their branches curved in S-shapes, making them look almost whimsical. Despite my heartache, I couldn’t help but take a mental snapshot.
“I know a thing or two about revenge, Allie.” He winked, and I gave him a small smile.