Duran moved slowly so as not to disturb her, although he feared the “why” behind the respect he paid to her slumber. He found some clothes hanging in the closet, ones that were not his own but that fit his body—to the point where he wondered if Nexi hadn’t hoped the pair of them would end up here in this safe house.
Dressed and standing over the bed, he stared down at Ahmare, watching her move into the warm spot he’d left under the covers. Her face was tucked into the blankets, her dark lashes on her cheeks, her hair on the pillow where he had laid his head. In her repose, she seemed innocent and young, something to be protected.
And here he was, resolving to leave her.
As he turned away, he felt like death had come to him once more. And this time, it would not be denied.
The next thing he knew, he was standing in front of the big door of the mountain house. He had no idea how he had come to be there, what commands he had given his body, what plan he had for where he was going.
All he knew was that he was—
“Do not tell me you’re leaving her.”
Twisting around, he looked at Nexi, who had mounted the open stairs coming up from the basement. The Shadow’s deep-set eyes were accusatory. Her tone was worse.
Duran refocused on the door. “He’s inside me, too.”
“What the hell are you talking about.” The Shadow came around and put herself in between him and the exit. “Your sire?”
“You know what he did to my mahmen.”
“And you think you’re going to pull that shit on Ahmare? Come on.” Nexi crossed her arms over her chest and lifted her chin. “You’ve done nothing but try to save people. Your mahmen. Me. Ahmare and her brother. You do not have to worry about turning into your father just because you’re in love.”
He focused on the Shadow properly instead of looking over her shoulder at the door. “I’m sorry. For hurting you. I know I did, and I shouldn’t have.”
Nexi glanced away. Then shrugged. “It is what it is. You know, two decades ago, when I was getting out of the colony . . . I wasn’t in the right place for a relationship anyway. I was knee-deep in all kinds of bad thoughts and bad patterns. Who knows what I actually felt for you. I thought it was love. Maybe it was more like relief and grief coupled with a terror of being alone.”
“I should have said something. To let you know . . .”
“What, that you weren’t available? I knew that, and I cared anyway. Words don’t change emotions. Time does.”
“I’m still sorry.”
“Good. I’m glad. Now don’t fuck things up with that female just because you’re running again. The mountain is down. Ahmare said they all died. It’s over.”
“I think my father ended everything right after my mahmen died and he gave me to Chalen. The bodies had decomposed entirely. Only bones were left.”
“He was straight-up evil.”
“I want to kill him.”
“Is that where you’re going with all those weapons?”
Duran looked down at himself and was surprised to find that he had not only clothed himself but also strapped on all his guns and ammo. “I don’t know where I’m going and that’s the truth.”
“What did you tell Ahmare?”
“Nothing. She’s asleep.”
“You’re a coward then.”
“I didn’t ahvenge my mahmen, after all. And my father is likely dead somewhere under that mountain. I have no future—”
“Oh, cut the shit. Of course you have a future. It’s every time you look at that female. And she feels the same for you. God knows I’m no expert in romance, but come on. Even I see it.”
“Are you going to stop me? Is that why you’re blocking the door?”
There was a long silence. Then Nexi got out of his way, standing off to the side. “What do you want me to tell her?”
“I’ll be back. I’m just going for a walk to clear my head.”
“You sure about that?”
No. “Yes.”
“Fair enough. I’ll tell her you went for a walk. But FYI, I saw what losing you did to her once. I’d appreciate you not putting me or a decent female like that back in that place. It’s a shitty thing to do, and with both your parents dead now, it’s about damn time you start leading your own life. You don’t owe anybody anything—except that female you’re walking out on.”
As Nexi went past him to go back down to the basement, she gave him a quick, hard hug. “You don’t deserve all the pain you’ve had. A lot of it wasn’t anything to do with you and it is certainly nothing to fault yourself for. But this? Leaving now? You’re being your own enemy, creating your own prison, and after all the time you’ve been in dungeons created by other people, haven’t you had enough of that shit?”
Left alone, Duran stayed where he was, on the precipice . . . for a while. Then he unlocked the door and stepped out onto the stoop. The air was cool and cleaner at this altitude, the scent of the pines that grew all around the house thick in the night.
His feet started moving, his boots making no sound.
Because he didn’t want anyone to hear his departure.
Least of all his Ahmare.
38
AHMARE BOLTED UPRIGHT IN bed, heart hammering in her chest, breath sawing down her throat. Putting her hand up to her sternum, she looked around.
Duran was gone.
And not in-the-bathroom gone.