He closed his eyes and savored his name on her lips. It made him feel blessed in some way . . . anointed.
Okay, that was crazy. But the trouble was, in this quiet, dim space, his emotions toward this female were as expansive as his senses, and everything about this time with her was like a horizon, a vast sky under which he could travel, safe from foul weather and sheltered from all harm, back to a home he’d never had.
Back to her, even though she was neither a destination nor anywhere he’d ever been before.
It was all a falsehood, he told himself, created by the chemistry between them. Except . . . sometimes when you felt things deeply enough, the strength of the delusions was such that reality could get rewired, at least temporarily. He knew this because of what he’d seen in the cult. He’d witnessed firsthand what devotion did to people, watched it turn a corrupt mortal into a savior in the eyes of lost souls who were willing to surrender every part of themselves to another.
He had always vowed such a thing would never happen to him.
“It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, answering her question about his name.
“So it came from your father?”
“He insists people call me by it, yes.”
She was frowning, he thought without looking at her. He could sense her thinking things over.
“Can I ask you something?” she said.
“You just did.”
“Who is your father, exactly.”
“It doesn’t matter—”
“He’s the Dhavos, isn’t he.”
Duran stretched his arms overhead and cracked his back. In any other circumstance, he would have avoided the question—by leaving the room, if he had to. No such luck on that one.
“Yes,” he said after a while. “He is. His name is Excalduran.”
As she exhaled, the way her breath left her, long and slow and low, was an I’m-sorry that he appreciated she didn’t put into words.
“So it’s eight in the morning,” she murmured.
Duran frowned. “Really?”
“You know,” she continued, “I’ve been lying to myself. In my head, I’ve been saying that we’ll be here twelve hours. That’s all I’ve been willing to grant the daylight. But with it being summer? Fifteen, I figure. At least.”
“The time will pass quickly.”
It already had. And God, he was glad she’d changed the subject.
She repositioned herself again. “Actually, it’ll pass the same as it always does. The length of minutes doesn’t change, and neither does the number of them required to make up an hour. But man, it feels like forever.”
“This is true.”
He didn’t know what the hell he was saying. The sound of her voice was a caress against his body, and he was thickening again. Hardening again. For someone who had never had to worry about that kind of shit, he had fresh insight into the inconveniences of the male sex.
“Your scent has changed,” she said in a lower voice.
Duran closed his eyes and banged the back of his head into the smooth wall. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“We should go to sleep.” Great suggestion. Yup. “It will—”
“I’m not a virgin.”
His mouth fell open. And then he considered the idea of her with another male, any other male. As jealousy heated his blood for absolutely no good reason, he redirected himself by thinking about Chalen’s guards.
“Neither am I,” he said tightly.
“Have you ever been mated? Do you have a shellan?”
“No.”
“Good. I don’t have to feel guilty then. I’m single, too, by the way. Before the raids, there was a male or two, but no one serious. No one I brought home to my parents.”
Duran put his hands up to his face and scrubbed.
“It’s sad,” she continued, “that they’ll never meet any young I might have. Any hellren I may take.”
“I’m glad.”
“Excuse me?” she said sharply.
“No, no.” He dropped his hands. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m glad that you’re thinking like there’s something on the other side of this. That your life continues. It’s a good thing to focus on a happy future.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” she said.
You’re still way ahead of me, he thought.
That was why he wasn’t crossing the distance between them. No matter how open she seemed and how much he wanted her, he wasn’t going to do to her on purpose what he’d done to Nexi by mistake.
One goal. He had one goal. After which, like a fuse having done its job to set off a bomb, he would cease to exist.
Literally.
16
AHMARE HAD MEANT WHAT she’d said about time. It was true that seconds and minutes and hours were fundamentals, unchanging in spite of your perception. But damn, in this silent, darkened bunker, sheltered by the dirt skirt of a mountain, she and the prisoner had tapped into infinity.