“No, but the fact that I never lied about my feelings for you should count for something.”
He takes a step closer to me and I quickly wipe at the tears. “I just need some time. I need to absorb all this information.”
Just then a cab pulls into the garage. I make sure my cheeks are dry as we walk to it.
The trip back home is a silent one. I suppose I should be happy that we got away. I should feel something after seeing my uncle being murdered by the man I love … the man I hardly know. I think I should feel happy … but I’m not.
Damian~
We’ve been back a week. The news show that they have no suspects for the murder of businessman Tom Smith, but that he was linked to a crime syndicate and it must be a deal that went bad. I ditched the scissors in a trashcan right at the airport. At least there’s no way they’ll find it.
Everything should be fine, but it’s not. Things are really shaky between Cara and me. I want to hold her. I want to tell her that everything will be fine now, but I know it’s not what she wants.
She needs distance, and I’m giving her as much space as she needs.
Like I said, it’s been a week, and it’s not getting any easier. I’ve been keeping busy with odd jobs, but at night the silence is deafening. I can hear it screaming at me.
The days just roll by, each one as bland as the next. Cara is quiet, and I’m worried that she’ll sink back into depression. The only thing that keeps the worry at bay is the fact that she goes for a walk every afternoon after work. It gives me peace knowing that she’s reverted back to the walk as a way of coping.
Cara~
I’m not angry anymore. I had nothing to be angry about - when it comes to Damian. He tried to protect me and I can’t hold that against him.
It hurts so much that my own blood wanted me dead. Damian was right when he said that he saw someone who was alone in this world. It’s a scary thought … being alone.
If I need someone in the middle of the night for any reason, there is no one to call.
I don’t have a next of kin to give if someone should ask.
I have no friends.
I have no family.
It hurts so much that I have no one. I’m a ghost.
It’s these thoughts that weigh heavily on me. I carry them for three whole weeks before they break me.
It’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. I’ve been feeling crappy the past week. I think it’s just everything that’s happened to me that’s catching up.
I can hear Damian breathing. Damian … why do I keep calling him that? It’s not his name. I can’t call him Sam, and Alex is still new to me.
Sam, the man I’ll never know. The ghost in his past.
Damian, the man who saved me. The predator who kills, who was meant to kill me, but instead kept me.
Alex, the man who’s supposed to be my husband. The handyman who loves fixing things.
Who is the real man that’s lying next to me?
I hear him move, and I whisper, “Why did you really keep me?”
It’s quiet for a while, but I know he’s awake. I can feel his energy.
“I saw someone who was broken, and I wanted to fix you.”
“Because you couldn’t save Leah?”
“Partly, but mainly because your own uncle wanted you dead. My father tried to kill me once - that’s when I left for the army. We had that in common. Our own blood wanted us dead.”
I absorb what he’s telling me and then turn on my back. I stare up at the dark ceiling.
“Why are you staying with me now?” I close my eyes, scared of what his answer might be.
“I’ve never met anyone as strong as you. Normally, people are scared shitless of me, but although you were scared in the beginning, you didn’t back down. You were at your lowest and you still stood your ground in front of me. I’ve never seen such strength in anyone. It’s a rare beauty. Life just keeps taking blows at you, and you just keep getting up.”
“Life hits like a bitch,” I joke and we both chuckle, knowing it’s not the truth. Life hits hard, so fucking hard, but it helps to joke sometimes.
“I’m not angry,” I whisper. “It just hit me that I’m alone. I have no family. I don’t know who you really are.” I suck in a deep breath and whisper, “I just feel so alone.”
I feel him turn on his side, his eyes on me. “I’m just a man in love with a kick-ass girl.”
I chuckle and turn on my side, too, looking into his eyes for the first time in days. I’m glad it’s dark so I don’t get the full impact of those grays.
I want to make a joke to break the tension but instead a sob bubbles over my lips and the words come out thick with tears, “So you won’t leave me?”
He moves closer to me, and then his fingers brush over the curve of my cheek. “Never.”
“Not even when I grow old and fat?”
He laughs and leans in until I can feel the heat of his breath on my lips. “Not even then.” He presses a kiss to my lips and then whispers, “I live you, Cara. I live for you, and I’ll die for you. There’s nothing here for me but you.”