I wish he’d leave so I can sleep. I swallow hard on the desperate tears that are making my throat ache.
“You’ve been hiding for seven years.” It’s not a question. I don’t understand where he’s going with this. “So, I’m a bit confused.” He frowns. “I’m confused about a lot of the things you did to get yourself into this mess.” I’m still waiting for the question with a heart that’s picking up speed real fast. “They found you in the middle of nowhere.” My breath hitches and I hear the accusation. I hear the same accusation from him that’s been taunting me in my own conscience. “Either you forgot that there were people after you and you got too comfortable, or you practically handed yourself over. Which is it?” There’s the question. Something bubbles up inside of me ... something horrible and desperate.
“You bastard!” I hiss at him and the tears I’ve been fighting threaten to spill over my flaming cheeks. “You know …” My voice disappears as anger chokes me but I squeeze the word out, “nothing.”
He lifts an eyebrow and it makes him look even more menacing. “I know every detail about you. I know every … single … thing,” he bites out the words.
I shake my head as an overwhelming feeling of humiliation threatens to suffocate me.
What the hell have I gotten myself into? I can’t stay here. But … shit, it’s either the death sentence hanging over my head – or this man’s mercy. I don’t know which is worse right now.
“I didn’t …” I gasp and grind my teeth together as the tears press harder against the back of my eyelids. “I didn’t know,” I force the words out.
A smile tugs at his lips and I almost choke on the anger that’s burning a hole in my chest. I’m disappointed in myself. I let him get to me.
“I didn’t know … what?” he repeats my words and tears of hot anger scorch down my cheeks, finally breaking through my barriers.
“I didn’t know who was after me!” I scream at him.
“I didn’t know you could get angry but it’s good to know,” he says and I want to scream. I want to grab something and throw it at him. I want to hit him until he hurts the way I’m hurting. But I just stare as he leaves in his quiet manner. He leaves me with my anger and I realize that was the point of it all – he wants me to feel something … anything. If only he knew that with feeling comes unspeakable pain.
I fall back onto the bed and I let the tears flow. I don’t move as the sun glides through the room. I just let the anger ebb away until all that remains is the empty shell.
I hear the key rattle in the door and my insides turn to stone. I try to switch off. It’s hard to see, there’s no blinding light and I’m thankful for it. It only makes everything more real, and my swollen eyes water and burn.
I hear movement and I stiffen painfully. I press harder into the cold floor. I can’t take another beating. I can’t handle being raped again. I have nothing left to fight with.
“Oh, Cara,” I hear Steven whisper resentfully and I squeeze myself harder against the floor. “Why do you have to be so damn fuckable?”
I place a hand over my mouth to keep from breathing too loudly. I will my heartbeat to slow down, to not pound until he can hear it too.
“Just remember,” he whispers darkly and then I hear him move closer, “this is all your fault.”
My heart stops. My world stops.
He’s suddenly on top of me and I start to fight with strength I didn’t know I had.
I claw at him until I have his skin under my nails. When he tries to kiss me, I bite until I taste his blood.
His hands are all over my torso and when he squeezes my breasts painfully, I can’t think as the fear I thought I’ve gotten to know so well thickens, blackens and oozes into me, until I stop trembling.
As his hands move lower, I start to heave and bile pushes up my throat. He rolls me over as I start to vomit. I feel him press into my back and as he moves the filthy panties to the side, I start to choke. He rams into me and at the same time he grabs a fistful of hair and he presses my face into the vomit. I keep choking and start to fight for air until the familiar darkness sucks me under.
I shoot up and roll away. I fall to the hard floor in the dark room and then kick at the tangled sheets around my legs. My breaths are ragged, short bursts of terror. The door slams open and light spills into the room.
Damian just looks at me. Our eyes meet for an intense moment before he says, “I made coffee. You might want to come and have some.” It’s not a question. I nod and get up off the floor. My body aches from the fall, but I do my best to not let the pain show on my face. I don’t look back at the bed and brush by him as I hurry out of the room.
I almost turn into the living room when Damian takes hold of my elbow.