“Oh, adulting is terrible. I recommend only doing it when absolutely necessary. Like when you’re out of clean clothes or when you’re trying to decide whether or not to put on a condom. Beyond that, leave the adulting to adults.”
I grin as I tilt my head to study him. “Strange that someone with that philosophy would choose to go into the adult film business.”
“But that’s a misnomer. Porn is the least adult-y line of work there is, except for maybe, say, clowning.”
“Such respect for your job,” I laugh. “Do you even like what you do?”
“Are you kidding me? I fucking love it. Pun intended.”
I take a sip of my coffee, enjoying how easy the conversation is. I’ve watched pretty much every Logan O’Toole video out there—interviews and candid conversations as well as his porns. And while I realized he was charming, it’s a lot different having his charm directed at me. It feels strangely intimate, more intimate than having his lips on my privates, and I want to explore this intimacy as long as he’ll let me. “What do you love about it? Besides the fucking, I mean.”
His brow creases as though he’s thinking, but his answer comes fairly quickly. “The hours are good. The money’s decent. The after-parties are the best time there is, and there’s little-to-no stigma for sleeping with your coworkers.”
My heart flips at the wink he gives me and any response I had escapes me.
Fortunately, he’s still capable of conversation. “What about you? I’ve only ever seen you in lesbian porn, except for the film we did together.” He avoids eye contact as he mentions our scene, and I wonder if he thinks that’s polite or if it’s because he’s thinking of Raven. It hasn’t been long since they’ve broken up, and I have a strong suspicion that she is to blame for his strange behavior at Vida’s party.
I don’t want Raven in his thoughts, so I decide to sidestep the reference to that scene, and the minute I do I realize he said he’s seen my work. Which shouldn’t be a shock since a lot of people have seen my work, and he is very in tune with what’s going on in the industry.
But, oh my God. He’s watched my work. How has that possibility never crossed my mind, and why do I find that so goddamned hot?
He grins, knowing he’s thrown me off-balance. “So you mentioned maybe doing some more mainstream stuff. Have you decided? Will you go wider?” he asks, a devilish spark in his eyes. “Again, pun intended.”
“Maybe. If I got the right offer.” Innuendo intended.
He leans in and rests his elbows on the table between us. “What would the right offer look like? I’m curious.”
It would look just like you. We’re flirting, and if I were really brave, that’s what I’d say. Or, if I wanted to be a touch more demure, I could say, Make your bid and I’ll tell you if you’re close. It’s not a case of not having the snappy comebacks, because I do.
But even with the teasing banter, I haven’t got a sense of what’s going on between us, or what he intends to happen, or why he’s asked me out, and the uncertainty prompts me to be cautious. “I still haven’t decided what I’m looking for in a P in V shoot. You were right about one thing—even aside from anal, I’d want to feel safe. That’s important to me. I have no problem taking my clothes off and fucking a stranger, but I’ve got to have complete say in what happens with my body both on and off set.”
“Of course.”
I relax muscles I didn’t know were tense when Logan doesn’t automatically get defensive about my insinuation that there are sets in the business that are not safe, especially for women. Too many times consent gets blurred when the camera turns off and an aroused male doesn’t behave any differently than he did when the record light was on. It’s not a pretty side of the industry, but it’s also nothing new, and, actually, there are many professionals taking strides to change it.
“Other than that…” I consider. “I guess I’d want to feel like I’m doing something important or innovative. The girl-on-girl work that I do is important because the producers I’ve chosen to shoot with are all very pro-feminist and ethnically diverse. They’re bold. They’re progressive.”
He nods. “That’s not always as easy to find in the het environment.”
"No, definitely not.” I cringe inwardly as I realize that venturing into politics on a first date is not the sexiest of moves. I won’t pander or downplay my convictions to impress a guy, but I need to be sensitive to the fact that I’m talking about his world. “I mean, it’s getting better. I think. I hope.”
“I think it is. There’s still work to do,” he says, and I’m relieved that he seems sincere. “There’s always work to do, but I’d like to say I’ve seen a change even in the decade I’ve worked in the industry. I’d like to say I’ve been part of the change, and I want to help move it even further forward. Not just in terms of diversity and safety, but also in terms of artistic quality.”