“Well, we’ll talk about that in a minute. Have you had trouble breathing lately?”
“Uh, funny you should say that, sometimes in the mornings …”
“How were you on the 1K run?”
“CID acquitted itself well. DC Lawson won.”
“I wasn’t talking about your department, I was talking about you, Sean.”
“If I’m honest the last bit of the run was something of a trial.”
“Do you ever have any of these symptoms: Shortness of breath? Chest tightness or pain? Trouble sleeping caused by shortness of breath, coughing or wheezing? A whistling or wheezing sound when exhaling?”
“Sometimes shortness of breath.”
“Do you have coughing or wheezing attacks that are worsened by a respiratory virus, such as a cold or the flu?”
“Now and again, yeah.”
“Do your breathing difficulties worsen when you are exposed to airborne allergens, such as pollen, animal dander, mould, cockroaches and dust mites?”
“Maybe.”
“Or when it’s cold air, or like this morning when there’s physical activity?”
“What have I got? Is it cancer?”
“There’s no evidence of cancer on your X-ray or in your blood work.”
“Well, that’s a relief. Just a cold then, is it?”
“You’ve got asthma, Sean.”
“Asthma? Are you sure? I never had that as a kid.”
“Well you’ve got it now. We’ve caught it early and for that you’re lucky. I’ll give you a leaflet explaining how your condition manifested itself and explaining the treatment options. I won’t go into detail now because I’ve got a lot to talk to you about and time is pressing.”
“Can it be treated?”
“Yes. I’m going to prescribe two different types of inhalers for you. The first is an inhaled bronchial steroid that you will take every morning. It will help prevent asthma attacks by reducing swelling and mucus production in the airways. As a result, the airways will be less sensitive and less likely to react to asthma triggers and cause asthma symptoms. I’ll also prescribe a bronchodilator which will relieve the symptoms of asthma by relaxing the muscles that can tighten around the airways. Short-acting bronchodilator inhalers are often referred to as rescue inhalers and are used to quickly relieve the shortness of breath caused by asthma.”
“OK. What else did you—”
“Can we talk about the cigarettes?” he said with a black look I didn’t like at all.
“There’s no need for that face, Kevin. It’s totally ironic, I haven’t had a cigarette all day. I’ve been cutting down for months. I have cut down from two packs a day to half a pack. Do I get any credit for that?”
“The ironic thing about that is the fact that you expect credit for only smoking ten cigarettes a day.”
I nodded. “All right, so what else am I doing wrong?”
“Can we talk about the drink, Sean?”
“What about it?”
“How many units of alcohol would you say that you drink a week?”
“I don’t know. Twenty?”
“Do you know what a unit it is?”
“Yeah. A beer, a glass of whisky, a glass of wine all equal one unit.”
“How many units of beer do you drink a week?”
“Just beer? A couple of pints at lunchtime. One, maybe two, after work with the lads. I’m not a big beer drinker to be honest, not like some blokes around here. At the end of day I’ll usually just have a whisky or a quiet vodka gimlet and go to bed,” I said to him, not unpacking the fact that this was a vodka gimlet in a pint glass.
He looked pained.
“A pint of beer is two units. Just in beer alone you’re drinking eight units of beer a day. That’s fifty-six units a week, just in beer. That’s twice the recommended dose for someone your age. And if you add in the vodka gimlets and the whiskies … You need to cut down, Sean.”
“It’s not just me. It’s everyone in this station.”
“Yes I know. And I’ve been telling everyone in this station. You all need to cut down on your alcohol consumption.”
“How much do you drink?”
“I don’t drink. I’m a Free Presbyterian.”
“I bet I outlive you.”
Kevin sighed and shook his head. “If I was a betting man I’d bet that you won’t actually, Sean. But listen there’s something else. Something more serious.”
“Go on …”
“On your blood work you tested positive for cannabis.”
I nodded.
“And in the past you’ve asked me for dihydrocodeine and morphine on a number of occasions.”
“For me back! Jesus! I was in a Land Rover that looped the loop and I’ve been shot once and blown up twice.”
“Opiates for pain relief and the cannabis for what?”
“We’re off the record here? This is a doctor–patient thing?”
“Of course.”
“Now and again just to relax.”
“I’m not going to report this to any higher authority but I can’t sign you as fit for duty while you’re smoking dope, Sean.”
“That seems a bit extreme, Kev. You know I’m the only one that does any work around here.”
“I’ll give you a month, Sean. You’ll report to me for another blood test. If I don’t see an improvement in your tox levels I’m going to put you on restricted duty. It’s for your own good, you know. You have a wife and child now, I believe.”