“Drop the pretense,” he says. “Anyone with eyes can see that he’s in the late stages of vish bimari. To work for the people you do—to kill for them—it’s awful. But to harm a child? It’s disgusting.”
I feel as if I’ve been plunged into a black hole. Bile rises at the back of my throat. Vish bimari. Poison disease. It’s what kills most of the babies exposed to the toxin. It’s what failed to kill me. But that’s not what Mani has—it’s impossible. He got sick right after Gopal nearly drowned him. The timing of the symptoms would be too much of a coincidence. Unless…I think back to when Gopal pulled Mani from the river, when I nearly put my lips to his. Did I get too close then? My stomach curls into a ball of fear. Maybe that’s why the breathing treatments only half work. Or maybe I’m more toxic than I think, and being with me is too much for his little body. I’ve tried to be so careful. I never kiss him on his face. We never share food or drinks. But maybe it’s not enough. Am I slowly killing him?
“That can’t be right,” I say more to myself than to Deven. It seems so unlikely. A flicker of doubt passes over his face, but then his eyes are hard as flint.
“No more lies, Marinda.” He starts to close the door.
“Wait!” I call out. He raises his eyebrows. “You really are in danger,” I tell him. “Leave Sundari. Please.”
He gives me a scowl. “Trust me,” he says. “I can take care of myself.”
And then he slams the door in my face.
I stumble back to Mani in stunned silence. He takes one look at me and throws his arms around my waist. “Don’t worry,” he says, like he’s the older sibling. “It will be okay.” But it won’t. How can I tell him that I could be to blame for his illness? My chin is resting on the top of his head and I have to resist the urge to push him away from me. How much contact is too much? Am I leaking poison from my palms? My breath? Will I have to be separated from Mani for him ever to get well? Gopal once told me that my mouth was poisonous because of the many doses of toxin slipped past my lips. It made them the deadliest part of me—but he never said they were the only deadly part. Kadru’s snakes feasted from my wrists and ankles. Maybe even holding Mani’s hand leaches poison into him. A sob rips from my throat and Mani pulls away, alarmed. I’m scaring him. I pull in a lungful of air and try to calm my breathing. I scrub at my eyes and force a smile.
“You’re right,” I say. “Everything will be fine.”
Mani bites his lip like he’s not sure he can believe me. “Can we go home now?” he asks.
“Soon,” I say. “We have one more stop to make.”
I pound on Iyla’s door until my fists ache, until they’re as red and raw as fresh meat, but she doesn’t open her door. I hate myself for trusting her, for believing that she was my friend. And even more I hate that she didn’t have to lie to betray me. She only had to arrange the truth in a clever way. The words of the boy selling wisdom are pulsing through my mind like a headache: Suspicion is the only defense against betrayal.
I was too trusting of Iyla.
Deven was too trusting of me.
I press my forehead against the door and squeeze my eyes shut. I’m desperate to talk to her, desperate for answers. Gopal will be furious when he finds out not only that Deven is still alive, but that Iyla has compromised our entire operation. She didn’t help me, but she didn’t help Gopal either. She could have refused to be part of my plan, or she could have told Gopal that I had lied and that Deven would need to be dealt with by someone else. It would have made it harder for me to save him, but it would have made it clear where her loyalties were.
But she knew I cared about Deven and she made him hate me. Does she despise me that much?
I slam my shoulder against the door so hard that the windows rattle, but still nothing. My shoulder is throbbing, but I don’t care. I crash against the door again. Sweat trickles down my forehead and stings my eyes. I press the full weight of my body against the door, but it’s clear that brute force—no matter how anger-fueled—isn’t going to get the job done. I pull the pins from my hair to pick the lock, but my fingers are trembling, and it takes me three tries before the knob finally turns freely. I step into Iyla’s foyer and Mani reaches for my hand, but I pretend not to notice and move away from him.
“Help me look for her?” I ask.
“Sure.” Mani scampers off, and his small feet press footprints into the plush white carpet like tracks in freshly fallen snow. I turn in the opposite direction and call out Iyla’s name. I move through her sitting room, her kitchen, her dining room. Everything is pristine, from the gleaming countertops to the polished tables. Nothing is out of place—no blanket thrown casually across a chair, no bowl left in the sink or sandals by the door. I wonder if Gopal provides Iyla with a maid.
“There’s nothing here,” Mani says, poking his head into the dining room, where I’m running my fingers across the table, marveling at the lack of dust.