He slid farther down, sending a shiver across my belly when his tongue dipped into my navel. Pressing openmouthed kisses to my hip, he nudged my legs farther apart, wide enough for his shoulders.
I made a noise and tried to squeeze my legs closed. I usually had to be a bit drunker for this. Ryker didn’t understand. He was an all-in kind of guy, oral activities included, and was really, really good. But again, alcohol helped.
“C’mon, babe,” he said, his voice a soft rasp. “Relax. I wanna taste you so bad.” He braced his hands inside my knees, forcing them apart with too much strength for me to resist. Not that I was putting up a full-on fight, but still. Absurdly, his aggressiveness turned me on even more when the logical part of my brain said I should be mad about it. But the body doesn’t lie and heat flooded my core.
Ryker groaned, his mouth fastened to my inner thigh as he sucked. Distantly, I realized I’d have a hickey there tomorrow, but it wasn’t like anyone would see.
His hands moved to my thighs, spreading me farther, and before I could protest or try to resist, his mouth was on me.
“Oh God,” I moaned, my head falling back on the pillow.
Thoughts of embarrassment or shyness went right out the window as Ryker proceeded to show me just how well he did this sort of thing. My hands clutched at his hair as his tongue did things to me that had to be illegal in at least nine counties.
I was saying things and moaning and God only knows what all when everything came to a head (figuratively speaking). Stars and comets and exploding nuclear bombs paled in comparison to the orgasm that overtook me and left me shaking and boneless in its aftermath.
Ryker crawled up my body, making pit stops on the way to press a kiss to my abdomen, then lick a trail up between my breasts to my collarbone, his tongue dipping in the hollow at the base of my neck. Finally, his lips met mine and I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding him close as we kissed so deeply I could taste myself on his tongue. Yowza.
He pulled back and I mewled in disappointment. Chuckling softly, he said, “Not tonight, babe.”
Pulling me spoon-style against him, he tucked me close and pulled the covers up around us. Although I could feel the hard press of his erection against my backside, he didn’t make any other move.
His hand lay against my stomach and I stared into the darkness. Ryker was great, he really was. Tonight had been … amazing. Eye-opening. I hadn’t trusted his feelings for me before, but now I did.
The problem was … how did I feel about him? I loved him, right? Yet, I’d been unable to say it, and I didn’t know why. That bothered me. But maybe I just needed more time. I’d never told a man I loved him before, not like this.
Of course I told myself I didn’t know why, though deep down inside, I knew. But it was so pathetic, so pitiful, that I didn’t want to face it.
I still had feelings for Parker.
I stared at the darkened window, Ryker asleep at my back, and felt tears sting my eyes. It was ridiculous. Why should I feel anything for him? I’d put myself out there and he’d turned me down without so much as blinking an eye.
Would I ever be free of the kernel of hope inside that wanted more with Parker? I hoped so, but with a sinking sensation in my stomach, I thought that maybe I wouldn’t. Not unless I left him for good, and I wasn’t ready to do that.
But when would I be ready?
I felt ashamed as I lay there. I had a man, a good man, who said he loved me and wanted to be with me. Yet I couldn’t commit the same feelings to him. Part of my heart was wrapped in a hopeless infatuation with someone who saw me as much a part of his life as he saw his office furniture, and with about the same affection.
I had to change, had to do something, but I didn’t know what. Or if I did know the what, I lacked the strength to actually do it.
I fell into a troubled sleep, in Ryker’s arms but thinking about Parker.
*
Megan was bright-eyed and bushy-tailed the next morning. You wouldn’t have known she’d been out partying until well after midnight.
“So how’d it go with Ryker?” she asked, leaning on my counter. “I thought he was too busy to go out last night?”
“I guess he decided to come there rather than go home after his shift,” I said. “And it went well. Really well.” I couldn’t stop a little smile and Megan chuckled.
“So I take it you forgave him for making you feel like a booty call girl?”
I nodded. “Yeah. We talked about it. Everything’s fine, I think. More than fine.” But my words must not have been convincing because Megan frowned.
“Then why don’t you sound like everything’s fine?”
I hesitated, then decided to come clean. “It’s just that, I care about him—I think I love him—but last night, when I wanted to tell him … I couldn’t. The words just … wouldn’t come out. It was like they were choking me or something. And I don’t know why.”
“You don’t?” she asked, looking a bit sad. “Because I bet I could tell you why.” She looked past me. “And he’s headed this way.”