Parker didn’t answer. He turned and watched me, his back to the window. His face was thrown into shadows, though his body was outlined against the backdrop of Chicago at night.
“I thought I could handle it, you and Ryker,” he said. “These past few months, God knows I’ve been trying. But seeing it like that … his hands on you … his mouth on you.” He paused and when he spoke again, it was a low rasp of sound. “I didn’t like it.” Swallowing the rest of his drink, he set the glass aside.
I stared at him in openmouthed shock. Hurt twisted in my gut, followed swiftly by anger, and I jumped to my feet.
“Tell me you did not just say that,” I snapped. “What exactly do you expect me to do with this information?”
Parker’s gaze was steady on mine. “I’m not expecting you to do anything. You’re dating Ryker.” He walked toward me, not stopping until only inches separated us and I had to tip my head back to look him in the eye. With my heels on, Parker topped me by a good three to four inches. Without them, he towered over me. “I just wanted you to know.”
“You were the one who said there was never going to be an us,” I said, poking him hard in the chest, which probably hurt me more than it hurt him, considering the layers of muscle beneath the expensive fabric of his shirt. “So the fact that you don’t like seeing me with Ryker only tells me that you may not want me, but you also don’t want anyone else—”
“I never said I didn’t want you,” he interrupted, his voice hard. “And trust me, I’ve been doing everything I can to get you out of my head, trying to convince myself things are better this way.”
“So what are you saying? That you’ve changed your mind?” God help me if he said yes …
But he didn’t answer. Instead, he moved past me toward the door, then stopped and turned back around.
“Ryker was in love with Natalie,” he said. “Christ, he was about to propose to her. What he didn’t know was that she was sleeping with me behind his back. I thought they’d broken it off. By that time, she’d already succeeded in pitting us at each other’s throats. I found out she was lying to me, and I confronted her.” He stopped, his lips pressing tightly together.
I waited, but he didn’t continue. “And then what?” I prompted.
He scrubbed a hand over his face and took a deep breath. “I told her she had to choose, him or me. She said if I made her do that, I’d lose both her and Ryker. I didn’t believe her, but I couldn’t seem to resist her either. Ryker walked in on us, and went crazy. He knocked me out and the next thing I knew, she was gone and they were pulling her car out of the river the next morning.”
My anger drained away.
“Ryker’s never forgiven me,” he said. “I’ve tried to tell him what was really going on, how she lied to us and was using us, but he’s refused to listen to me. He’s convinced I’m lying to him. Eventually, I gave up trying.”
“Do you blame yourself for Natalie’s death?” I asked.
His eyes were empty when he answered. “I should have listened to her, believed her. But she made me choose between being with her or lying to my best friend. I felt like I’d already betrayed Ryker. I wasn’t about to keep doing it. It was a no-win situation.”
It was heartbreaking to watch him as he told the story. The guilt emanating from him was like a living thing, despite the stoic way in which he spoke. Amy was right; it wasn’t kind to speak ill of the dead, but Natalie sounded like she’d been one really messed-up person.
“Why are you telling me this?” I asked. “What does this have to do with me?”
“I just thought you should know the whole history before you got further involved with Ryker,” he said.
“You mean, in case Ryker’s really just using me to get back at you for what happened with Natalie.” A suspicion I’d once had myself, though it had faded as the weeks with Ryker had passed.
Parker’s expression didn’t change. “The thought had occurred to me. He knows, or suspects, how much you mean to me. Just like he knows where I dock my boat.”
“So you’re saying he planned on you seeing us together Saturday?” I asked. “That’s ludicrous. We’ve been dating for months. Why now? And besides, that wasn’t even his boat.”
“I just want you to be careful,” Parker said. “I’d hate to see you hurt.”
“I think that’s an awfully big reach—and a huge insult to me—to imply he’s just using me. You say you didn’t like seeing us together. Why? Because you think he’s using me? Or is there another reason?” I held my breath, waiting to see what he’d say. What did I want him to say? Yeah, I didn’t want to think about that.
“You want to hear that I’m jealous,” he stated.
“I didn’t say that.” But yeah, okay.
He moved toward me, his long legs covering the distance between us in the span of one heartbeat to the next. Leaning down, he put his lips by my ear. He was so close, I could smell his cologne and feel the heat of his body. My eyes drifted closed of their own accord.