Seeing the world through Landry’s eyes, like it was brand new, it was almost like reliving the best parts of being a kid all over again. I bumped my shoulder against Bryan’s. “Thanks for today, for suggesting this.”
She bumped me back. “Thanks for letting me be part of it. I’m sorry I didn’t think to check with you before telling her we could come.”
How did I tell her what I really wanted to say? That there was nothing she could do wrong in my eyes. “You don’t need to check with me, doll. Whatever you think for Landry is the right call.”
“You’re her dad or whatever…and I almost brought her to see the ocean for the first time without you. That’s not okay. You need to be there for her firsts, you need to be the one making these memories with her.”
I sat up and grabbed her by the nape of her neck, bringing her forehead against mine. “You’re her family too. Because you’re my family.” Because I think I’m falling in love with you. I sat back and took a long pull off my bottle of water, yet another thing that Bryan thought of. Kids needed hydration when they played in the sun, who knew?
Landry came over and sat down in front of us. “I love it here, thank you for bringing me.”
I reached out and tapped the end of her nose. Between Bryan and me, that gesture was becoming a habit. Neither one of us could help touching her tiny button nose. “You’re welcome, Buttercup.”
She smiled. “Can we come back again someday?”
“We can come back every day if you want to, I mean as long as we live here.”
Her smile fell and she looked down at the ground. “Oh, okay. I understand.”
It took me a few seconds to realize what I’d said and how she’d taken it. “Hey, hey, come here.” I reached for her hand and pulled her against my side. “I think you misunderstood what I meant.” I kissed the top of her head and blinked back my tears. The thought that I could have made this sweet girl feel sad or alone, even for a second, tore my heart to pieces. “You and me? We’re together, from now on. When I said as long as we live here? I meant both of us. Because one day we’re going to move to Texas. That’s where our forever home is. This house? The big one with tons of people in it? We’re just staying here until Lexi has the baby.”
She looked up at me, her big blue eyes searching. “What if my mom lied?”
What if she did? Would I ever be able to send Landry away? I was just a dude in a band, my life was chaos and irresponsibility. There were definitely people out there better suited to raise a little girl. But then I’d never know if she was safe; I’d never know if she was happy or had clothes that fit and shoes she could walk in. I wouldn’t be able to live like that. The second Landry walked into the house, she’d walked into my heart. I took a deep breath. “Doesn’t matter. You’re mine, and I’m never letting you go. No matter what.”
“You promise?”
I nodded. “With all my heart.” Landry smiled, got up, and went back to building her sand castle. B and I watched her in silence while she decorated it with tiny seashells. I couldn’t look at Bryan, I couldn’t see the emotion I was sure was in her eyes. If I did? I’d start to cry and never stop.
“Does Landry know that her mom could come back for her? Still have a chance at taking her home?”
I hung my head. “Guess not. Either that or she figures there’s no way her mom would ever come back.”
Bryan picked up a handful of sand and let it fall back to the ground. “What are you going to do if she does?”
“I don’t know. She has four more days…we just need to make it four more days.” The life this brave, perfect little girl had led—the abandonment she no doubt felt, the fears she dealt with on a daily basis—in a way, they were all my fault. I treated women like they were toys. I used them and then tossed them to the side. No wonder her mom didn’t come to me, no wonder she didn’t ask for help. I probably made her feel like she was nothing, like she was less than nothing.
“Stop.” Bryan put her lips against my shoulder, kissing me lightly and causing goose bumps to break out all over my body. “I can hear your self-deprecating wheels spinning.” She looked out toward Landry, with her head resting on my arm. “You’re at the beach with your daughter. You just handed her your heart and made her the happiest little girl in the world. Don’t let your guilt ruin this for either of you.”
She was right. Whether Landry was my blood or not, I promised to never let her go. And I wouldn’t break that promise. She was mine. I put my arm around Bryan. “You are the best friend I have ever had, baby doll.”
She tilted her face up to mine, kissing my jaw. “Me too.”
***
Landry fell asleep the second we got in the car, and it was only about a three-minute drive home. I didn’t want to wake her just yet, the cool AC and the alone time with Bryan were icing on the cake. I leaned my seat back and Bryan did the same.