Quiet…this place was so damn quiet. I could feel the rush of air in my ears, hear the thud of my heart. A tremor raced, shuddering through my belly and my chest. I took a step, and then another finding my way to the corner once more.
The echoes of The Mighty were gone. There were no hoots and hollers, no growling of engines, or boom of a gun, nothing but soft panting breaths of the dog beside me, and a brush of her shoulder—a tiny touch of affection.
I leaned over, brushing my fingers across her head to scratch between her ears. We could make it. Just like that, we could make it.
I took a step, leading the way, and crossed the road. Battered shop fronts blurred, all I cared about was the shadows inside the shops, and the movement high in the buildings. Others would be watching. I could feel their gaze on the back of my neck as I pushed forward.
The faint boom of a gunshot slipped through the air, but the sound was far behind us, deeper into the city.
Parking lots blended into green. Trees towered, vines consumed. My steps slowed at the sight. I’d not seen grass so established, or trees so healthy. I turned my head to the cracked concrete and the shattered glass. It was almost like there were two worlds, one vibrant and lush, and the other—dying, shattering.
It figured that it was the world we’d tried to create, which would crumble.
I hadn’t come this way…not since those first few months, not since…
A sharp whine wrenched me from the thought, for a second I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, or remember.
The harbor. I lifted my gaze to the distance. The green gave way to an empty space, before the city just fell away. Water hovered at the edge of the roadway. The memory so clear, water filled with boats, and life. Where I watched the tiny black blurs darting under the surface.
There was once life there.
Life and laughter. Look at all this, Harlow. His voice filled me. I could feel his hand clasped around mine as we stood on the barrier and stared out into the water. This world will be yours for the taking one day. Don’t you let anyone tell you any different. You can be who you want to be…do things you want to do—within reason. His dark eyes lost the spark of happiness, and for a second desperation flared. You let your heart lead the way, be true to yourself—be honest. ’Cause sometimes that’ll be the only thing you can be.
I lived by those words. Honesty. Loyalty. Love. First it was to my family…and now it was to myself. Pitt gave a low whine, and then walked ahead. Her movement pulled me forward. I left the trees and the grass behind and focused on the end.
Gray gave way to green and blue. I waited for the ache inside to ease, for those tight bands around my chest to give—just a little. But the closer I came to the end, the more I realized the harbor wasn’t the place I was searching for.
I turned to the woman. Hooded eyes glistened with fresh tears. She never looked at me, only at the rolling swell in the distance. I didn’t know what she saw with the soft crash of the waves. But I knew this moment was her truth.
Tiny blackened fingers peeked out from the edge of the blanket. I stared at that shroud and whispered. “Here it is, the harbor. I can wait with you, if you want.”
She shook her head and stared at the water. “No…thank you…”
I took a step, and then another, before I finally turned.
“Wait.”
The word stilled me.
“Do you think it’ll get better? Do you think there’s hope?”
I’m here, God's voice echoed. And I have a Calling for you.
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “But there’s always hope. I think it has to come from inside you. Maybe that’s what we’re all doing, searching…if that makes any sense?”
“Yes,” the word was so small I barely heard it.
I lifted my gaze to the jaundiced yellow clouds and froze.
In the distance, it stood. White, tall, pointing straight up to the sky. Fragments of color captured me. A church. Like the kind I once saw on TV. Shattered stained glass windows pulled me forward, and, with each step, that vibration in my veins hummed louder.
The scrape of a shoe echoed behind me as I took a step. The sudden splash filled the air. I took a breath, and kept my focus on the towering white building.
Because the splash behind me was too loud for a small baby…
I swallowed hard and kept on moving. Hope lay in the arms of the crashing waves behind me. Hope dwelled inside all of us, whether we wanted to believe it or not. It dwelled in every breath we took, and every beat of our hearts.
There was no call for help behind me, no screams or sound of any kind.
I’d save her if that’s what she wanted, or I’d die trying.
But choice was all we had left in this world. The choice to hate, or hurt—I dropped my gaze to the soft brown eyes of my new companion—the choice to trust, and love.
And the choice to name the day you finally found peace.
I took a step, drawn by the vibrant colors in this yellow-stained world. The vibration in my veins sang as my boot hit the ground. I left the soft crash of the waves behind and crossed the concrete path, heading toward the pointed pale tower.
The gun tapped my thigh with each stride. I clenched my grip, trying to still the shake, but the vibration continued, humming, drawing…pulling me closer as though there was an invisible line between me and what lay inside.
Pitt gave a low whine, but kept pace, limping beside me as I crossed the street. The wooden door to the church was cracked open. Thick black markings marred the white paint…
He’s abandoned us! Splashed along the front.
He…the word sent a shudder through my chest. That desperation came to life. I felt that anger, that rage. I knew the hopelessness they felt. I lifted my gaze to the church tower and mounted the first step.
The gun bounced harder, smacking against my thigh as I reached for the open door.
Hello?
The word echoed inside my head, but my lips were stuck, frozen.
“Hello?” A harsh wheeze slipped free. I licked my lips, moving through the doorway and inside, and tried again. “Anyone here?”
Claws tapped against the marble stone foyer behind me. I stole a glance over my shoulder, catching her lowering her head and sniffing. Could she feel it, too? I turned to the entrance and moved deeper.
This place was a breath, one I hadn’t realized I held. Air flooded my lungs, expanding, swallowing, moving deeper than flesh. The corner of my lip twitched as I moved deeper in, past toppled timber pews, some were missing, some broken and dissembled, reduced to nothing more than kindling for a fire. There was no sadness, not for survival. I scanned the spaces in between, and then sought the shadows before I exhaled.
This was the place, the connection. This was what filled Nirvana.
This was where I needed to be…the only question left was why?
4
Sunlight cleaved through the broken glass, washing the once midnight-blue carpet with yellows, red, and greens in the most stunning array of color.