“But aren’t you imprinted on Chief Benson?” I protested, confused.
“I am completely, totally, head over heels in love with Thomas,” she purred. “He’s brilliant, and really devious, and he owns my needy little… ahem. I mean, the sex is great, too. But most humans have no idea what to do in a fight, so any decent combat awareness package is going to include instincts for following a chain of command and recognizing leadership potential.”
“When the battle started, and you got serious all of a sudden, that’s when it hit me,” Emla confided. “All my leadership metrics maxed out hard, and I knew you’d always be my commander. I bet it was like that for Lina, too.”
“Not quite that extreme,” Lina said. “I’ve already got my guy. But I think you’re right. When I realized I needed help with those bots you’re the first one I thought of, Alice. I completely forgot that you’re supposedly just a cabin girl.”
“Well, then it would be really stupid for me to get mad at you over it,” I said. “Although I’m a little worried about this. I don’t think I really deserve for every android around me to think I’m some kind of tactical genius super leader.”
Emla giggled. “Of course not, Alice. I’m sure any random human could just grab a pistol and some grenades, and single-handedly wade through an army of bots to punish the guy who hurt me.”
I flushed. It did sound kind of impressive when she put it like that. It really wasn’t that big a deal, though. They were only civilian bots with guns, not real warbots, and I’d gotten badly beat up doing it. But I couldn’t think of a way to explain it that didn’t make me sound even more badass.
Maybe she had a point?
My embarrassment grew. Time for a change of subject.
“So, ah, what was that awful show you were watching?”
Lina sat back, and crossed her arms under her breasts. “Hey! Don’t dis the Ghost Cats. They can steal anything, anywhere, and they never get caught.”
“Apparently they can seduce anyone, too,” Emla teased. “I thought medical implants could counter airborne aphrodisiacs?”
“No one buys that option,” Lina scoffed. “You have to remember, deep in their heart every human wants to be seduced by a hot android sex kitten. Sometimes the military types will be all locked down and immune to everything, but anyone else is easy. Unless there’s a big mind control scare going on, of course, but you just stay away from those colonies.”
“What about spies?” Emla asked.
“Oh, spies are the best. They always try to turn the tables on you, and that’s just awesome. There’s nothing better than having some sexy super spy make your head spin so hard you end up confessing everything.”
“That sounds like the voice of experience talking,” Emla observed.
“Maybe. All I can say is, if you want to try your hand at being a data thief do it in Victoria. As long as you’re doing it the fun way they have a sense of humor about things. Not like those jerks in the Corporate States.”
“What would the non-fun way be?” I asked.
“Brainhacking. Blackmail and extortion. All the mean ways to try to get people to give you information you’re not supposed to have. Doing stuff like that gets people mad at you, and then you end up with a short lifespan. But as long as you’re being sweet and sexy humans won’t have the heart to blame you for spying. They’ll decide you’re just an innocent pleasure android trying to obey her master, and go looking for a human to punish. Then you just have to escape before they realize the guy they think is your owner is really just some obnoxious sap you set up to take the fall for you.”
That brought back uncomfortable memories of a certain elf girl.
Emla’s frown matched mine. “That would only work with humans who are basically good people. Assholes like the security forces back on Irithel would just unplug you until they can get your command codes, or slag you if they think they can’t.”
Lina’s smile faded a bit. “I know. Why do you think we got out of that business? When you’re a mercenary you can’t always afford to be picky about what jobs you take, and things can get pretty dangerous. I’ve been restored from backup at least three times that I know of. But hey, let’s not get all serious here. We had some good ham going.”
She restarted the vidshow. The trashy catgirls went back to seducing the office lady, who wasn’t putting up much of a fight to be honest. She seemed to really like the way they were taking turns kissing her lips, and working their way up and down the sides of her neck.
What would that feel like?
I realized I was staring, and looked away. Emla was watching with rapt attention. Lina kept one eye on the show, but most of her attention was on us.
“Um, so, you like cheesy spy shows?”
“Yep. Mina hates them, because they’re so unrealistic. But I love it. All these silly gadgets that would never work. The banter and fake spy techniques. Oh, and the deathtraps! Those can be really good. But the best part is stuff like this.”
She pointed at the screen. Just as the office lady started to take charge of the situation and slip one of the catgirls out of her dress the door opened, and an older man walked in talking about performance quotas or something. He got an eyeful, of course, and then he started yelling at the office lady. Something about unprofessional behavior on the job, and taking advantage of poor desperate androids who just wanted to get back to their owner.
In the confusion one of the catgirls plucked the data stick out of the computer, just as it finished copying the files. The two of them backed out of the room, looking for all the world like a couple of innocent serfs who just didn’t want to be around angry humans. Then the office door closed behind them, and their whole manner changed. They shared a saucy grin, put an arm around each other’s waist, and sashayed out of the building.
The rest of the show wasn’t any better. There was some kind of plot about an evil mind control conspiracy that the Ghost Cats had discovered, but it kept getting interrupted by fight scenes and spontaneous make out sessions. I learned that there were four of the Ghost Cats, who worked as spies for a secret master that was never shown on-screen. For some reason they never bothered with weapons, just beating up their opponents with acrobatic martial arts that showed off their barely-dressed bodies. When they weren’t seducing them into changing sides, that is.
It was painful to watch, but at the same time it was kind of fun. Thankfully the sexy scenes never quite made it to the point where anyone got undressed, even when Ghost Black got captured by the bad guys and had to seduce their torturer into letting her go. Not that it mattered, since Ghost Red followed her hidden locator beacon and found her five minutes later.