“CUT,” KANE CALLS OUT, SNAPPING my attention from the scene I had been held captive watching. “That’s a wrap,” Kane continues letting everyone know we’re breaking for lunch while the next scene is set up. I’m still so enamored at everything I just witnessed that I can’t bear to take my eyes from the action around me.
After we had sat down earlier, he caught me up to speed on everything they had filmed so far. Allison, played by Alessandra Hall, was playing a senior in high school. She had been raised in foster care, didn’t have many friends, and didn’t date. That is until the very popular Mark had turned his eyes on her. They had already filmed the majority of the movie; the parts where she had struggled with believing his interest, the contention he had faced in making her believe he was genuine in his interest, and most importantly, how he didn’t care what others thought about him. He was who he was, and he made no apologies for that.
At the beginning of their budding relationship, others around them—his friends and others in his crowd—did their best to ruin things. Allison had verbally and physically been attacked because of their relationship. The ‘popular’ crew was not too happy that their shining star was bringing someone they felt unworthy into their ranks.
The scene shot today was one when Allison finally realizes she is worthy of Mark and the love they share. She emerges from a physical battle against Mark’s ex-girlfriend bruised and beaten on the outside, but finally fighting for herself and not against herself. She decides to make the change and take the higher road, past the forces that want nothing more than to knock her down. She becomes her own shield.
Kane explains to me, through my tears, that this scene is going to be toward the end of the movie. Everything they had shot before had led up to this moment. This mental break where she becomes impenetrable to the hate of others. The point Allison becomes free to soar and becomes stronger.
Alessandra is a brilliant young and up-and-coming actress, but shockingly, she nails the fears and insecurities flawlessly. Her acting is so convincing I’m moved to tears. It’s like seeing my own life—well, not exactly what Allison has gone through—being played out before me. I watch the same emotions I’ve felt in the past choking me strangle her, and then as the scene breaks, I watch in awe as she finally makes the climb to become strong.
“That was beautiful,” I whisper, not wanting to break the magic that is floating around the set after Alessandra walks off. We had been sitting here for so long that I actually felt like what I was watching was reality, even with all the cameras around us. It felt so real.
Kane doesn’t speak, so I finally tear my eyes away from the monitor I had been watching in rapt fascination and meet his penetrating gaze. I don’t say another word, but I can tell by how he’s watching me that he sees right through me. It’s as if he can see inside my mind and the bits of Allison that I carry around. Or did, until I was able to find the strength inside myself to reach my own breaking point.
His phone rings right when he opens his mouth to speak. Looking down at the display, he gives me a sigh. “I need to take this.”
“Of course. What can I do?”
“Just wait here?”
I nod, and he climbs to his feet before walking away slightly. But not before I hear him address his caller.
“Hey, Mia,” he says softly.
Mia. Mia Post. If rumors are to be believed, his pregnant girlfriend. I turn my eyes to where Kane is standing, his head bowed and free hand holding the back of his neck—he looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. I need to trust that if whatever this is we’re doing has any—what did he say? Hope? Yeah, if exploring what’s between us is going to have the hope for more, then I have to trust that he’ll tell me what’s going on when he’s ready. Reluctantly, I stop watching Kane, giving him his privacy, and direct my attention toward the monitor that had just before played the most beautiful scene I had ever witnessed.
I want to believe him. He said he wouldn’t lie to me. I think back to our exchange earlier about the movie and his words to me.
She has to be able to show others the hope they need is within themselves and that you are stronger than fear tries to trick you into believing.
If I allow my fears to continue to rule me, I would take the safe route and ignore all caution. I know there’s more to his relationship with Mia Post than he’s told me, but I want to believe he’s right. A person can be stronger than fear tries to trick them into believing. My past makes me want to automatically take the safe, fear-free path—but I don’t want to be ruled by that anymore. I’m ready, fear be darned, to trust the unknown.
I look back over at him and sigh. It’s time to take that leap and be what he believes is something achievable. Finally shed the weakness old Willow wore as a cloak of protection and allow my determination to be stronger and to be all the armor I need to protect myself.
I’m choosing to take that seed of hope, the promise of something bigger, and grow with the knowledge that the future really is whatever I make of it.