“I’m going to get us some blankets and pillows,” Jill said, and Jeffrey went with her. The parents returned to their spots on the floor, leaning against the walls, while Dr. Grind, taking deep breaths, trying to be calm, walked past them and disappeared from view, gone to his own apartment or perhaps to wander the grounds, as Izzy had seen him do countless times in the past.
After Jill returned with an armload of blankets and pillows, she and Jeffrey now returning to their own apartments, the parents began to settle into their spots on the floor. Nikisha, however, suddenly stood up and ran down the hall to the art room. She came back with a piece of red construction paper and a black marker. She knelt on the floor and drew a large heart and the words, We love you kids so much. She then signed her name. She handed it to Asean, who signed it, and then passed it to the next parent. Eventually, everyone had signed his or her name. Nikisha then took the paper and slid it under the door of the music room. “It’s something,” she offered, and the other parents, now exhausted, agreed. Just when it seemed, having done all they could think of to win their children back, that they would begin to fall asleep, they found themselves too wired to get comfortable.
“Should I get some booze?” Link offered.
“Maybe that’s not a great idea, sweetie,” Julie then said.
“I’ll make some coffee?” Kenny suggested, and then Susan stood and said she would make some popcorn and get some chips. The rest of the parents now stretched, afraid to leave their spots in the hallway for somewhere more comfortable, in case the children came out of the room. Izzy, however, still too jittery from what she knew and her own guilt, told the others that she wanted to take a walk, to burn off some of this energy. They nodded and Carmen gave her a hug, and then Izzy was off. She took a few steps down the stairs and then stopped. She sat down and thought of Dr. Grind, knowing he would still be awake. She thought of that moment, when Julie had reminded him that he was slightly outside the experience that the parents were undergoing, the way he had been momentarily stunned by the admission. She went back up the stairs, past the hallway where the parents were now talking softly, and she stood in front of Dr. Grind’s door. She tapped as lightly as she could, as if testing the thickness of a sheet of ice, and waited for a few seconds before the door opened. Dr. Grind was standing in front of her, his hair combed back into place, his tie, having been removed before, now in place and properly knotted.
“Izzy?” he said.
“I need to tell you something,” she said, walking past him into his tiny living room. It was the first time she had ever seen the inside of his apartment. The walls were entirely bare, no TV or stereo, the entire room empty except for a sofa and a coffee table, which was covered with folders and files. The carpet was so properly vacuumed, the lines so precisely military, that it seemed as if no one walked on it, as if Dr. Grind hovered an inch above the ground, and suddenly Izzy was afraid to move.
“What’s going on?” Dr. Grind said, folding his arms across his chest, his head slightly tilted as if he was hard of hearing. “Now is not the best time, perhaps, Izzy.”
Izzy stared at the rigid tension of his jawline, his eyes darting back and forth from her to his bedroom, the door closed. She looked at his arms, which were crossed over his chest, and then she noticed his right hand, twitching slightly. It was streaked with blood, staining the cuticles of his fingers.
“You’re bleeding,” she said, reaching for him.
He shrugged and then took a step back. “It’s nothing,” he said, wiping his hand on his pants, leaving the slightest stain, his hand not actively bleeding, which made Izzy even more uncomfortable, having walked into something private, when she had all but assumed that there was nothing in Dr. Grind’s life that required secrecy. It unnerved her in such a way that she blurted out, “I knew about Jeremy and Ellen.”
“What?” Dr. Grind asked, his face impassive.
“I knew that they were having an affair and that Ellen wanted to leave the complex with the kids.”
“Oh, Izzy,” he said, nodding as if he understood her own worries.
“I didn’t tell you because I was afraid of what would happen,” she continued, feeling a weird lump forming in her throat, that hated sensation of impending tears, the way she had to screw up her face to make the words coherent. “I didn’t want the family to fall apart, so I just didn’t say anything. I hoped it would all resolve itself and things would stay the same. And now Ellen is in the hospital and the kids won’t talk to us and I feel like it’s my fault. I did something terrible.” She barely finished speaking before she started tearing up, which angered her because she wanted to be clear and straightforward with Dr. Grind, and she pushed the edges of her palms roughly against her eyes, pressing her hands against her face so hard that it felt like sandpaper, as if she could strip away her own emotions if she simply applied enough pressure. Just when she thought Dr. Grind might walk over to her, to comfort her, she heard him shout, loud enough that it temporarily stopped her tears.