I wince.
“Sorry.” He backtracks. “I didn’t mean to use that expression. But on the positive side, the fact that they’re holding on to him means he knows you’re still alive.”
“You’re sure?”
“Certain. He’s not stupid.”
I smile. “No, he’s not.”
“So … I’ve been formulating a plan to get us out of this mess.”
“What mess?”
He makes a general gesture, indicating the room around us, the factory.
“You want to leave Vigor?” I ask, surprised.
“You don’t?”
Would it be stupid to say that I like it here? That for the first time in weeks I feel safe? Surrounded by steel, metal, enormous structures, card keys to get through doors, heightened security, all to keep the outsiders from getting in. I don’t feel locked inside, I feel protected, as if for the first time it’s me who is being guarded.
“I feel safe here,” I admit. “And you’ve found your family, and your brother—did you even know you had a brother? Why would you want to give up being with them?”
“I understand, Celestine, I do. But this place isn’t real life. This isn’t freedom. Poor Evelyn is six years old and hasn’t been outside of these walls since the day she arrived. She has no friends her age, probably has never met anyone her own age. Bahee doesn’t want us to fight for freedom. If he hears us speak about it, he tells us to stop, so nothing around here is ever going to change.”
“But I got ten hours of sleep last night,” I whine, and he laughs gently.
“I felt the same for about a day, but you’ve just arrived. You’ll see.”
“You sure you’re not just trying to run away?” I ask gently. “It’s going to take some time to get to know your family again, Carrick. It’s normal for it to be … awkward.”
“You noticed,” he says sarcastically. “When I left the institution, the worst thing I could have done to the Guild was to find my parents. I didn’t think the Guild would really be watching me. Of all the students, I was the person to least suspect; I thought I’d fooled them. I thought they trusted me. It just taught me that no matter how good a relationship I thought I’d built up with them, they didn’t trust me anyway. The dean came to see me at the castle.”
“I remember that.” I recall the well-dressed gentleman visiting his cell. He looked like a lawyer, but Carrick had chosen to represent himself.
“He said he’d never felt so betrayed by someone in all his life. He’d kind of taken me under his wing.” He shakes his head. “He’d watched me grow up, come to all my games, celebrated all my exam results. He has kids himself. And yet he still couldn’t understand my wanting to find my parents. And then I’m branded Flawed, and I’m allowed to search for my parents. There’s no rule to stop me now. It’s so twisted.”
“Illogical,” I agree. “How did you find your family?”
“I was tipped off that they were here. They moved here when I was brought to Highland Castle.”
“They’ve been here less than two months?” I ask, surprised.
“Seems longer, doesn’t it?” he asks. “That’s the weird thing about this place”—he looks around the walls—“it’s as though time doesn’t exist. People come here and they never leave. There are more Flawed who you haven’t met yet, I dread to think of how long they’ve been here.”
“Apart from Lizzie,” I say.
She’s been playing on my mind. One of the reasons my friends considered me perfect before I became Flawed was because of my perfect grades, always As, particularly in math. I just have the head for it. The theorems, equations—they always made sense to me. A problem that could easily be solved. If anything tested me, I’d stick with it until I got my solution. I feel the same way now. Something doesn’t feel right. There’s a problem. It’s lingering, like a ghost with unfinished business, waiting for somebody to figure it out. You’d think after what happened to me, I’d be able to change, but I can’t. When the Guild brands you, they can’t change the person, not really; they just change peoples’ perception of the person.
“Lizzie?” He seems confused by the change in direction.
“What do you know about her?”
“She was a Flawed girl who worked and lived here. She left a few days after I arrived. She shared a cabin with Mona, they were pretty close. I didn’t pay much attention. The rumor is she told her boyfriend that she was Flawed and he wasn’t interested anymore, so she left. I didn’t bother with the gossip, that’s Mona’s territory. Why?”
“Do you know her boyfriend?”
“I know what he looks like. Kind of a nerdy computer guy. Why?”
“Is he trustworthy?”
“Celestine,” he warns. “Why?”
“Just wondering. Humor me: I’m worried about her, you said when people come in here they never leave. She left. She disappeared.”
“I don’t think her boyfriend chopped her up into little pieces, if that’s what you’re worried about,” he teases. “Don’t worry, people here are mostly good. I’m sure a few of them suspect us, might even have seen a brand or two, but they don’t say anything; they let us keep to ourselves.”
He stops talking, but he looks like he wants to say more.
“What?” I urge. “Tell me.”
“I can understand why you want to stay. There’s goodness in here, yes, but there’s something you need to think about. What exactly do you think you can do here?” he asks gently. “What’s your role?”
I have romantic visions of me making cakes with Adam and Kelly in the kitchen. Skating around suds-soaked floors on brush-skates with Mona, cleaning the floors at night while everyone sleeps, Pippi Longstocking–style. Teaching Evelyn math. Becoming Bahee’s sidekick, donning a white lab coat and sensible glasses and studying things on petri dishes. Wearing night-vision goggles and sitting with the security team, scanning the horizon. For a few hours at least, this factory was my oyster.
Carrick goes on. “After Fergus and Lorcan escaped the supermarket riot, their faces were plastered all over the news. They’re on the Guild Wanted list. They have to work night duty from now on so nobody recognizes them by day and gives them up. Night duty falls to the Flawed mostly. You have one of the most recognized faces in the country right now; maybe that will calm down after a while, maybe not. And people here are good, but I’m sure they’re not that good. They won’t want their lives in danger, because if the Guild discovers that they were working with you day in and day out but never reported you, they’d all be in trouble. They wouldn’t take that risk. You’ll have to be kept away from everyone, for a while.”
The way he says while, he drags it out and makes it sound like a long time.
He shrugs. “For the record, my wanting to leave has nothing to do with how things are going with my family. It’s about me. I’m not settling for this life and neither should you.”