“There is something broken inside me. Deep down inside. In a place I never knew existed before I met you. I never needed it before, because anyone who ever loved me was ripped out of my life before I could love them back.
“I watched my family burn to death. I was raised by one of the meanest guys I’ve ever known. He never loved me. I don’t think he could, or maybe he couldn’t show it. I never knew love as a child. I’ve never known it before. Until I met you. I don’t know what to do or how to feel, because this is completely new to me. I care about you more than anything I’ve ever cared about in this world. You’re my whole life, Peyton. But you need to know that I’m not a whole person. I’m not the person you want me to be.”
The tears began streaming down her face. She put her arms around him, pulled him close, and pressed her body tightly into his. He could feel the tension drain out of his body. The release. The void filled with a desperate hunger. His body reacted. So did hers. His hands moved across her body as they kissed. They were naked a few seconds later, her walking backwards into her bedroom as they kissed, sloppy, hungry kisses.
They lost track of time. She never mentioned class, and he didn’t say a word about work. In the living room, he could hear his Nokia cell phone ringing. He wouldn’t have answered it if the world was ending.
When they were spent, they lay in bed, staring at the ceiling the same way they had that first night.
Her voice was soft, barely over a whisper. “I thought you were pushing me away.”
That confused him. He propped himself up on an elbow.
She continued, still staring at the ceiling. “I figured you had what you wanted—the money, the stock that would make you rich. You wanted to give me my share so you could walk away with a clear conscience that you had done the right thing.”
The attorney had been right: Desmond really did have a lot to learn about women.
“That’s the last thing I want,” he said. “I want to take care of you no matter what, no matter what happens to us, or to me. I’m sorry I hurt you.”
He was terrified that he would hurt her again. He feared that this was the first of what would be recurring missteps.
“I meant what I said: I’m not a whole person, Peyton. Your friends, the couples we go to dinner with—those guys are what you want. Someone normal.”
“I’ll be the judge of what I want. And it’s not normal. Plus, I’ve got news, Des. Nobody on this earth is really normal. Everyone is faking it to some degree. Especially around here. Lot of freak flags flying on the inside.”
They got dressed then. Neither said a word, but there was a serenity in the air he’d never experienced.
Before he left for work, he asked her again if she’d sign the documents.
“I need to know you’re taken care of. Please.”
“Okay.” She took his face in her hands. “If it’s what you want.”
She signed her name in beautiful cursive letters, and Desmond kissed her before he left.
She asked him again to come to Christmas at her mother’s house that year. This time, he accepted, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. He still didn’t feel comfortable around her family. But things had changed for him. He was a success now, with one IPO behind him and another looming.
Her sister’s husband treated him differently, though he suspected he knew the series of events that had led to that: Peyton had prevailed upon her sister, who had then spoken with her husband. Derrick quizzed him about SciNet and his other investments with the zeal of a kid trying to glean clues about his gifts under the tree.
Their family was tight, Desmond could see that, and Peyton had told him the reason: the death of their father had brought them closer. Her brother’s passing seven years before had also strengthened their bond. Peyton said it had made them more thankful for each other and every year they had together. The tragedies were a reminder to them of what was truly important.
Her entire family couldn’t have been nicer to him. He still felt out of place, like an actor in a role that was wrong for him. “Fraud” was the word that kept running through his mind. He told himself that there was simply a wall inside of him, that the emotions were there, behind it, waiting to come through. When it came down, everything would be fine.
He would soon learn the truth.
Chapter 73
Desmond felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him. He opened his eyes. Avery loomed over him, her pale skin and slender face like a ghost in the green glow of the plane’s safety lights.
Peyton lay in a sleeping bag beside him, fast asleep. Avery hadn’t woken her and apparently didn’t want to. Her voice was barely over a whisper.
“You okay?”
He felt feverish and achy, he assumed from the memory, but he didn’t want to give her any indication that he had recalled anything. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Avery studied him. “You were feverish earlier. Anyway, we have a problem.”
“What kind of problem?”
“The life-or-death kind.”
Avery informed him that they were about to leave Africa, cross over the Mediterranean, then into European airspace on their way to Scotland.
“And?”
“And,” Avery said, stretching the word out, “if the Europeans have sealed their borders like the US, like they did in Kenya, they might shoot us down.”
That was a problem.
“Can we go around?”
“Not enough fuel.”
“Refueling—”
“Is a bad idea,” Avery said. “Every time we land, we take a risk. If we land at an airport, the host nation will probably take the plane and throw us in a cordon zone. That’s best case.”
Avery motioned toward Peyton. “Want me to wake Sleeping Beauty?”
“No,” Desmond said quickly. “And don’t call her that. She’s tougher than you think.”
Avery seemed annoyed. “It’s not her toughness I have a problem with.”
“She was just protecting her people on the ship, same as you would have done.”
Avery ignored him. “What do you want to do?”
“Who’s the most likely to shoot us down?”
“What? I have no idea.”